re: SIL was mothers...

[Guest guest]

Has anybody else been through anything like this?? What did you do?? Please

give me some ideas, somebody! DH thinks he wants to go on ignoring her, as

he thinks going over to see her makes her think she's in control, and he

thinks he can cope, but I don't see how such poison can fail to have an

effect, do you?

Hi Vicki

I haven't got any suggestions or anything, but just to say that your story is,

for the main part, almost verbatim what happened in my family with my Dad's

SIL. His father had Alzheimer's over a long period, and deteriorated in the

same way while my Aunt played the same role as your SIL. After his death, my

grandmother also had the same disease, and SIL just carried on where she'd left

off.

But my mother didn't take things nearly so well as you have; your efforts to

help your husband and to get help for your SIL are an indication of great

spiritual and mental health. My mother took it all very badly and contributed

substantially to a situation where my dad was torn between the her and her SIL.

Since my grandmonther died, my father has severed all contact with his sister.

He's not very vocal about this stuff, but I think its hurt him that on top of

the vitriol from his sister he can't acknowledge his feelings about his sister.

In effect he has lost her, as well as his parents. But they are a different

generation, and he always took her behaviour at face value, rather than, as you

quite rightly suggestion, a symptom of illness (despite the fact that as a

younger woman, she had spent some time in a psychiatric hospital).

Anyway, sorry I don't have any suggestions, but you really do have my sympathy.

This woman is very lucky to have you as her SIL, but I think there is a point

where you can't do any more and you will have to trust that she has something in

her to change her self-destructive behaviour, or seek some help, somewhere for

it - you can't be responsible for her when she is bent on more and more damage.

Much sympathy,

Siobhan