Re: A little overwhelmed ....

[Guest guest]

Donelle, My heart is bleeding for both you and Glenn. Only God knows

when Glenn will leave us. No one can determine this. You still have

him with you. Share that time with him. God is giving you that time.

I am cying for the both of YOU!!!! Praying for a miracle. Love, Ingrid

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins who

is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm actually

waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but reiterated

that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from that

creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame shortens,

I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Donelle, My heart is bleeding for the both of you. I have tears in

my eyes for what you are going through. I wish so much I could hug

you. I wish so much that this would all just go away. It is in God's

hands. Sending prayers up for both you and Glenn. Love, Ingrid

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins who

is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm actually

waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but reiterated

that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from that

creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame shortens,

I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/5/2005 12:23:30 PM Eastern Standard Time,

suebutler45@... writes:

Donelle,

Their are no words enough to comfort you at a time like this.

But just know every-one is praying for you and Glen. May the rest of

your time together be Wonderful. My prayers are with you and Glen.

Sue

Thanks Sue.... I will do the best I can to see that our time together is a

good memory... today, with pain meds started and continued yesterday and

today... he's almost a different person...back to " normal " ...?? pleasant,

congenial and cooperative. He even " let " me trim his beard and cut his hair!!!

He

LOOKS 100% better, which helps me even if not him. When I look at him so

unkemped, I'm constantly reminded of how very sick he is...and that he has no

cares as to how he looks. In my mind, he's got to feel better, just looking

better....I guess that's a woman=thing, huh??

Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Guest guest]

Donelle,

I am so saddened by this news. I was not ready to even hear the

word " hospice " when the doctor said it was time to call them in. It

is such a helpless and empty feeling. Hospice was excellent in

caring for my mom, and for that I will forever be grateful.

Please know that my prayers are with you.

Sharon

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins

who is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm

actually waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but

reiterated that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from

that creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame

shortens, I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Donelle,

Their are no words enough to comfort you at a time like this.

But just know every-one is praying for you and Glen. May the rest of

your time together be Wonderful. My prayers are with you and Glen.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I was away for 10 days and not able to read posts.

So sorry to get back and hear about Glenn and his problems.

For what it's worth I want to mention that Ambien was prescribed to

Mehpare after her surgery. But it agitated her more- in fact she was

hallucinating ! _ rather than helping her sleep. The medication was

changed ( to what I cannot remember ) but just in case it is not

restful for Glen, let your doctor know. You don't need any

unnecessary aggravation under the circumstances , that is why I felt

the need to write just on the very off chance that it might have a

similar effect.

She also takes a mild antidepressant, and the oxycodone

certainly " helps " with the diarrhea as it has a constipating effect !

You must believe that God will grant you the strength to bear all of

this, somehow. In the meanwhile, please know that you will be in our

thoughts and prayers here in Istanbul.

With my very best wishes ,

Leyla

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins

who is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm

actually waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but

reiterated that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from

that creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame

shortens, I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

--

Donelle,

Maybe he is at peace, is why he looks and acts better. None of us

want to hear those words,but we also get tired of fighting. (I think

every-one has their limit)My mother was really at peace, and ready to

go, but was afraid of hurting US. We had to assure her that we would

be ok.Enjoy every moment with him, and know we are all here for you.

My prayers......Sue

- In colon_cancer_support , Grandmommyandme@a... wrote:

>

>

>

> In a message dated 11/5/2005 12:23:30 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> suebutler45@y... writes:

>

> Donelle,

> Their are no words enough to comfort you at a time like this.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Thanks Sue.... I will do the best I can to see that our time

together is a

> good memory... today, with pain meds started and continued

yesterday and

> today... he's almost a different person...back to " normal " ...??

pleasant,

> congenial and cooperative. He even " let " me trim his beard and

cut his hair!!! He

> LOOKS 100% better, which helps me even if not him. When I look at

him so

> unkemped, I'm constantly reminded of how very sick he is...and

that he has no

> cares as to how he looks. In my mind, he's got to feel better,

just looking

> better....I guess that's a woman=thing, huh??

>

> Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Donnelle,

Just got back online and am reading the emails and wanted to send my

prayers to both of you. Enjoy each second...

love, karima

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/4/2005 10:25:53 PM Eastern Standard Time,

tsalagi@... writes:

Donelle,

I am just speechless. I don't know what to say. Please know that you and

Glenn are in my prayers.

love,

nancy j

Thanks, ...I love you

Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/5/2005 7:56:13 AM Eastern Standard Time,

jckskylar@... writes:

HI Donelle,

My heart goes out to you and Glenn!! I'm so sorry.

Donelle, I know your wondering where am I going to get the strength.

Please pray for it because your going to need. I believe you will stay

strong for Glenn no matter how hard it gets It seems to come naturally.

I hope I'm explaining it right I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes

because I feel your pain.

Hospice is great and without them I don't know what we would have done.

They gave my dad 1 week and he went a month so they are not completely

accurate.

I pray that Glenn will be as pain free as possible and I pray that God gives

you the strength.

Please know we are all here for you to vent or talk or just to listen.

God Bless You!!

Thank you so much for your caring note...I don't know what I would do

without all you guys!!! I thank God every day (and have for a while) that God

directed me to all of you!!

Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn