Guest guest Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Subj: (humor) Pets FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.Dear Dogs and Cats:The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The otherdishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle ofmy plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing meto the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fallfaster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry aboutthis. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure yourcomfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when theysleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretchedout to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tailsstraight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximizespace is nothing but sarcasm.For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by somemiracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is notnecessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw underthe edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same doorI entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/felineattendance is not required.The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dogor cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on thefront door:TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:(1) They live here. You don't.(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters whoare short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:(1) eat less,(2) don't ask for money all the time,(3) are easier to train,(4) normally come when called,(5) never ask to drive the car,(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;(7) don't smoke or drink,(8) don't want to wear your clothes,(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...FranDon't Let The Bullies Win!http://www.commspeed.net/spchadwick/fransup/ Dell Deals: Treat yourself to a sweet deal on popular laptops! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 Thank you Pink. I read it and boy it hit the button with me! I have 5 dogs and they all need to read this. LOL Joyce RudyAZ birds Fw: (humor) PetsTo: "Breathe-Support" <Breathe-Support >Date: Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 11:20 AM Subj: (humor) Pets FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.Dear Dogs and Cats:The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The otherdishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle ofmy plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing meto the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fallfaster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry aboutthis. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure yourcomfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when theysleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretchedout to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tailsstraight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximizespace is nothing but sarcasm.For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by somemiracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is notnecessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw underthe edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same doorI entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/felineattendance is not required.The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dogor cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on thefront door:TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:(1) They live here. You don't.(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters whoare short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:(1) eat less,(2) don't ask for money all the time,(3) are easier to train,(4) normally come when called,(5) never ask to drive the car,(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;(7) don't smoke or drink,(8) don't want to wear your clothes,(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...FranDon't Let The Bullies Win!http://www.commspee d.net/spchadwick /fransup/ Dell Deals: Treat yourself to a sweet deal on popular laptops! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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