Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 I was just wondering if I am the only one who feels that my child doesn't care about me from Adam. I mean Alec likes to play with us and be around us but I know he could care less about who does these things with him. He doesn't care if I leave him with anyone. It could be a complete stranger and he would care less so long as that person would do what he wanted them to do. He has no real attatchment to me of Jeff. He shows no affection for affection sake. He does not hug and while he will kiss it is not out of affection but a newly discovered skill. (He ran up to some man in the bank and sat on his lap and kissed him. Ugh.) I am not saying that all children are like this but Alec is. Am I the only one who has a child like this? Jacquie H Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 > Am I the only one who has a child like this? > Jacquie, I think that there are all levels of attachment/detachment in kids with autism...and that it has not so much to do with caring--a lot to do with which coping strategies a child " chooses " to deal with information overload. Some kids appear totally detached because they are in shutdown...not letting information register above the most basic level---what is needed to survive (food on the table means I can eat; dark means I need to sit/lie down because I can't tell where I am). And this happens at probably as many different levels as there are kids doing it--some shutting down only here and there, or in selected sensory systems, others shutting down pretty much everything--those are often very compliant kids who sit quietly in the corner...the ones who " are no trouble at all " (because they've checked out). It takes intense, careful SI therapy to get these kids connected again--we did it with auditory therapy and crash/bump OT (in her clinic...I almost died watching it, but it worked). Donna talks about a second reason for this in " Exposure Anxiety " ...says that the more she felt herself drawn toward someone (including family), the more she felt the need to draw a curtain between them and her--because exposing her feelings makes her feel unsafe. So, the people she cared most for were the ones she could show the least affection for...because feeling ANYTHING means connecting with self, and she had no real sense of self. Don't know if any of that applies, but thought I'd toss it out. Bottom line? Autism is characterized by sensory and information processing overloads that the brain has to deal with in one way or another for the child to survive, and each child's CNS opts for the strategy that is deemed necessary at that point in time...even when it means those strategies are emotionally damaging (which they often are)....autism is also thought to involve limbic system structures...and that means emotions are impacted. Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 Thanks. I dont think those 2 reasons apply to Alec though. But very interesting. Jacquie H Re: Am I the only one? > Am I the only one who has a child like this? > Jacquie, I think that there are all levels of attachment/detachment in kids with autism...and that it has not so much to do with caring--a lot to do with which coping strategies a child " chooses " to deal with information overload. Some kids appear totally detached because they are in shutdown...not letting information register above the most basic level---what is needed to survive (food on the table means I can eat; dark means I need to sit/lie down because I can't tell where I am). And this happens at probably as many different levels as there are kids doing it--some shutting down only here and there, or in selected sensory systems, others shutting down pretty much everything--those are often very compliant kids who sit quietly in the corner...the ones who " are no trouble at all " (because they've checked out). It takes intense, careful SI therapy to get these kids connected again--we did it with auditory therapy and crash/bump OT (in her clinic...I almost died watching it, but it worked). Donna talks about a second reason for this in " Exposure Anxiety " ...says that the more she felt herself drawn toward someone (including family), the more she felt the need to draw a curtain between them and her--because exposing her feelings makes her feel unsafe. So, the people she cared most for were the ones she could show the least affection for...because feeling ANYTHING means connecting with self, and she had no real sense of self. Don't know if any of that applies, but thought I'd toss it out. Bottom line? Autism is characterized by sensory and information processing overloads that the brain has to deal with in one way or another for the child to survive, and each child's CNS opts for the strategy that is deemed necessary at that point in time...even when it means those strategies are emotionally damaging (which they often are)....autism is also thought to involve limbic system structures...and that means emotions are impacted. Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 > > Am I the only one who has a child like this? > Jacquie, I'm sorry you are feeling discouraged. I'm sure you are not the only one (fat chance on this list). That said, almost every family I know has at least one very stoic, seemingly emotionless (albeit NT) member. For whatever reason, some people do not emote well. This does not mean that deep love and caring does not exist. Take your son's autistic limitations into account here, and tell yourself over and over again that he loves you immensely and thinks that you are the best mommy in the *whole* world - - and would tell you or show you if he could. (SAHM in GA) MSN elizabethloht@... n 33, mo, no formal dx Phoebe, 11 wks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.