COULDND'T RESIST SENDING THIS

[Guest guest]

>The Middle Wife

> - By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

>

>I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids

myself,

>but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-

grade

>classroom a few years back.

>

>When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few

sessions

>with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-

and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,

pictures of fish they catch and stuff like that.

>

>And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If

they

>want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

>

>Well, one day this little girl, a, a very bright, very outgoing

kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a

pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an

infant. " This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you

about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their

love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in

there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. "

>

>She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying

not to

>laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.

>

>The kids are watching her in amazement. " Then, about two Saturdays

ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' a puts a hand

behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an

hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!

>

>Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and

>groaning. " My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but

she

>doesn't have a sign on the car like the Dominos man. "

>

> " They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. " Then a lies down

with her back against the wall. " And then, pop! My Mom had this bag

of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew

up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! " This kid has her

legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away.

It was too much!

>

> " Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe,

breathe, breathe.' " " They started counting, but never even got past

ten. " Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in

yucky stuff, they said was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be

a lot of stuff inside there. "

>

>Then a stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her

seat.

>I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-

tell

>day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another a comes along.