Guest guest Posted August 31, 2001 Report Share Posted August 31, 2001 In a message dated 31/08/01 22:49:14 GMT Daylight Time, Anneliese_Handley@... writes: > I think YOU should be considerate and think of DD2's feelings. As a DD2 > myself I've BTDT and boy it HURTS. (have got confirmation from another > lately-married DD2 that I'm not alone in this!) So just tell DD1 that you > want to spend the time with DD2 this year (whether you do or not) and build > some bridges!!! > Funny cos I'm quite happy for Lynda to have our M & D for Christmas/New Year/Easter/Summer Holidays... whenever it suits her... ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2001 Report Share Posted September 1, 2001 <<So just tell DD1 that you want to spend the time with DD2 this year (whether you do or not) >>> >Not that easy though is it.. I mean if dd1 asked first and >was told yes then it will look like a snub on dd1.. Could >you not go to dd1 this year and then tell dd2 that you will >go to hers next year?? Sounds like the best solution to me - but you have to remember it next year, or DD2 will really be cross! I'm a 2nd child as well and it's very easy for us to *feel* like we're being treated as 2nd class, even though we're generally not. I spent my entire childhood trying to catch up to my older brother and some of that lingers, I think, so any slight hint of parental preference would hit hard. Otherwise, congratulations on your empty nest, Ruthie. My parents still have my youngest brother at home, but my mother has a big sign in the basement saying " It's not an empty nest till your kids get their stuff out of the basement " . Someday I'll move back to the US and get it out, I promise... Phyllis __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2001 Report Share Posted September 1, 2001 >In a message dated 31/08/01 22:49:14 GMT Daylight Time, >Anneliese_Handley@... writes: > > >> I think YOU should be considerate and think of DD2's feelings. As a DD2 >> myself I've BTDT and boy it HURTS. (have got confirmation from another >> lately-married DD2 that I'm not alone in this!) So just tell DD1 that you >> want to spend the time with DD2 this year (whether you do or not) and build >> some bridges!!! >> > >Funny cos I'm quite happy for Lynda to have our M & D for Christmas/New >Year/Easter/Summer Holidays... whenever it suits her... > >;-) > > I feel that if you've been doing it for 13 years, it is time to do something different - though it has obviously been going on so long that it isn't possible to change without someone feeling hurt (My 'solution' is 'don't start from here':-)). For a lot of people and clearly Ruthie's DD2 it's a very important seal of approval to have someone prepared to spend an important festival with you. On the other hand, it is also important to acknowledge the realities - that sometimes it is just more comfortable to do things in a particular place and relationships do vary. DH doesn't seem all that keen to have most of his relatives here (he likes seeing them) but mine... (it has to admitted that we did once have my parents here tidying up for when *his* arrived!!!!!)(Actually I think it has something to do with his perception that they all think we live in a comparatively downmarket house (ian end of terrace) in a rough area (ie Coventry) - even though they all live in houses he finds unacceptably ugly) But nice to be wanted eh Ruthie as you say - I have friends who have to leave the country for Christmas to avoid certain parties when they'd rather be at home because the whole issue is so fraught in their families. And things change - a decade ago I could not countenance going on holiday with my parents, it would have been awful - but was happy to go with my ex-in-laws. Now I am seemingly incapable of going on holiday without at least one relative... and not sure about going with in-laws. -- jennifer@... Vaudin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2001 Report Share Posted September 1, 2001 wrote: > But nice to be wanted eh Ruthie as you say - I have friends who have > to leave the country for Christmas to avoid certain parties when > they'd rather be at home because the whole issue is so fraught in > their families. > >>>>>>>>>>> I feel like that but love Christmas at home. Today we have a BBQ at my BIL's house in honour of their daughters 18th birthday. I am dreading it - firstly we have to take MIL - so 1 hour sat in the car with 3 boys and MIL! Then a party with all the s and SIL's family - I think the last time we were all together was my FIL's funeral last year and I walked out of the do aferwards - so I am not looking forward to it. DS2 was sick in the night and I even thought great what an excuse not to go - but he has made a great recovery. Even DS3 with his unpredicatble bum is a lot better! So I don't think I can find an excuse not to go. Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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