Re: Nominee for Ex Husband

April 24, 2003

In a message dated 4/24/03 9:06:54 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

kdminden2001@... writes:

> I dated this guy for 7 years and was married for 5 years.

Glad you didn't waste any more time on him!

Hugs

April 24, 2003

Ok, I figure I won't win here, but it's fun to tell ex stories ...

So I met S. when I was at the end of my junior year of college. S. and I

hit it off like peas and carrots. He was young, charming, artistic,

ambitious, and strangely innocent ... it was a fast paced romance. We moved

in together. My Catholic family disowned me. Left college to work, since I

had been " cut off " financially. It was more than three years before my

father would speak to me. Got engaged.

S. spiraled into alcoholism. Punished me emotionally if I wouldn't drink

with him. Punished me for my burgeoning career and modest success.

Undermined my efforts to finish school. Declared that we were not getting

married, cuz " we don't need no piece of paper from The Man. " Became

paranoid, became a hypochondriac, developed weird phobias. Drank more.

Forged friendships with younger and younger people because they were the

only ones who could drink with as much reckless abandon as he did.

After three years I went to counseling (on my own). In my mind I felt like

we were already married, and I felt irrationally committed, that it wouldn't

be right for me to leave him. But eventually I saw the light and realized

that we *weren't* married and that now was my opportunity to run and run

fast.

I finished school, dumped his sorry ass, repaired the rift with my family.

Met current dh and the rest is history.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

April 24, 2003

Met Russ in Drug and Alcohol treatment when we were both 16...ha that

should have been my first clue huh.

Dated about a year while he and I both were being played in the State

foster care system. Broke up.

Met again at 19..I had been going to school, had a daughter, and was

doing pretty well. He had just gotten out of prison for the second

time for burgulary. That should have been my second clue.

Charmed his way into my apartment and life. Insisted that he wanted

to change his life and that I was the person who could help him. He

was drinking moderately at the time, but afterall, he had just gotten

out of prison.

Managed to convince me that he loved me, that if I dropped out of

school and supported him while he attended school, he'd support me

when I went back. He made it sound like he never knew love and just

needed someone who'd love him back fully...and I was the only person

who could do it.

Russ had a very long history. He was adopted at birth, but his

parents told me later that they knew something was very wrong with

him. Apparently his birth mother was addicted to drugs. He was

extremely violent as young as 3. At age 8, he burned down his church

by playing with matches. It was his first out of home placement. At

9, he held a gun to the babysitter. 14, threw a maltov coctail

through a neighbor's picture window. In and out of institutions,

myriad diagnosis, nothing helped. His parents BTW are some of the

most wonderful people.

Less than a week after we were married, I received my first beating.

It was the worst physical attack on me during the whole marriage. I

threw him out, but of course, he weaseled back in. I went to the ER

three times in a year. He twisted my foot backwards and I though the

had broken it, so he drove me DRUNK to the ER...sat there digging his

knuckles into my ribs until I yelled while the nurse had her back

turned, then would say " would you hurry up can't you see how much

pain she's in "

After I left him, he got mad when I had come back over to the house

to pick up some of my stuff, and he had made a turkey, and I took a

piece off of it. He said I was not entitled to anything of his, and

he took off after me and I ran trying to get out the back door, he

caught me and shoved me right through the door, had glass sticking

out of my arm. He grabbed it and twisted the glass in my arm. That

was on my birthday.

On an anniversary, he began stealing tips off the waitresses tables,

I got mad, he took off. As I was walking home, he pulled up behind

me hitting me with the car, grabbed my hair, pulled me into the

car...drove thru the garage door at the house and still having me by

the hair, threw me down on the ground and kicked me with his steel

toed boots until he sprained his ankle. Then he wanted me to help

him! We lived in four different houses during that year, and we had

to replace the door on every one of them from him kicking it in.

He began calling the police on himself for a domestic when there was

no domestic going on. The cops would show up, then he'd blame me.

I could go on and on and on about the mental stuff he did to me. Of

course, all of it was my fault for not loving, trusting, blah blah

blah enough. Every time he'd swear he'd quit drinking.

He started a fire in the apartment next door, he vandalized,

bugularized, played real life bumper cars damaging 20 cars in one

night (that got his friend sent back to prison). Oddly enough, we

lived by the AMTRAK station, and he, too, stole baggage from the

train.

He's now permanently disabled from shooting heroin after we

divorced. He got endocarditis which ruined his valves in his heart.

I saw him about a year ago, looks like hell. I'm certain he's still

on drugs. I don't know what is in his head, but I truly pity him,

and am very very very glad I'm not the one trying to rescue him

anymore.

April 24, 2003

He's a real doozy. Georga's ex is something too. As bad as Lou is I

think these two are worse. I read another one too that sounded

awful...can't recall that one right off. I think Russ takes the cake

so far though, although the gun to the head weighs heavily also.

Yikes. Too many rotten guys out there.

April 25, 2003

Lou almost sounds good after some of these guys.

How weird is that?

Sissi

April 25, 2003

>>I truly pity him<<

You are a truly amazing woman...I only just read it and I wish him harm! What an

awful story. I am glad you are out of that!