Re: Hate to ask this but....

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 11:53:06 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

flipper759@... writes:

Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

Narice

Narice...this happens at our house allllll the time. Was worse when he was

on chemo, then a little better for a while...now bad again!!! I hate it and

it does hurt. He's like that with his adult children, too; so I know it's

not just directed at me, but I'm there and available more than they are.... I

yell right back and tell him NOT to talk to me like that!!!! It doesn't do

any good, but makes me feel better at the moment. I know it's the " disease "

but ........

Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Guest guest]

Narice,

Wow. I thought I was the only one who saw this. I wondered the same thing

with my mom. I'm not sure how much of it is the chemo and how much is that

they feel less and less in control of whats happening to them. I think part of

it is fear and from what I have been told that fear often makes people strike

out to those that are the closest to them. I haven't came up with an ideal way

to deal with it. Mostly I just use my sounding board (thank god for her) and

vent.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 12:58:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

sftfemme@... writes:

Narice,

Wow. I thought I was the only one who saw this. I wondered the same thing

with my mom. I'm not sure how much of it is the chemo and how much is that

they feel less and less in control of whats happening to them. I think part

of

it is fear and from what I have been told that fear often makes people

strike

out to those that are the closest to them. I haven't came up with an ideal

way

to deal with it. Mostly I just use my sounding board (thank god for her)

and

vent.

... I'm inclined to go with your thinking that it's the fear and the

fact that the patient feels less and less in control as time goes on.

Glenn's not been on chemo since April and I truly get this more than I would

like,

i.e every day at least once I get a smart, tart remark or even yelled at!!!

Makes me feel like all I've done/am doing for him isn't even appreciated...

Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Guest guest]

Maybe we are just married to blockheads!! <giggle>

Narice

In a message dated 10/20/2005 12:23:25 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Grandmommyandme@... writes:

In a message dated 10/20/2005 11:53:06 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

flipper759@... writes:

Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

Narice

Narice...this happens at our house allllll the time. Was worse when he was

on chemo, then a little better for a while...now bad again!!! I hate it

and

it does hurt. He's like that with his adult children, too; so I know it's

not just directed at me, but I'm there and available more than they are....

I

yell right back and tell him NOT to talk to me like that!!!! It doesn't

do

any good, but makes me feel better at the moment. I know it's the

" disease "

but ........

Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Guest guest]

Dear Narice,

I strongly believe there's nothing to do. Just be patient and avoid discussion.

Try to put your self in their cloth, it's not easy I know, but what can we do?

Love,

Lydia

flipper759@... wrote:

Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or argumentative?

Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken the wrong way and

little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but sometimes I feel like I'm the

scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes him feel. I am trying to

understand and I know it is hard but well it still hurts.

Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

Narice

[Guest guest]

It may be depression. Chemo can kick off very very BLACK depression. As if

having cancer wasn't reason enough. Their may not be an opening for you to

discuss the possibility of taking them taking an anti-depressant for awhlie.

But maybe call the Dr. and explain the situation and see if the Doc will

consider it.

Priscilla A. Savary

Executive Director

Colorectal Cancer Network

PO Box 182, Kensington MD 20895

psavary@...

www.colorectal-cancer.net

_________

Screening for All. Colon Cancer for None.

ProjectMARCH -- rarely in life do you get a chance to make major change or save

thousands of lives. March 6, 2006 you can.

http://www.colorectal-cancer.net/projectmarch.htm

Re: Hate to ask this but....

Narice,

Wow. I thought I was the only one who saw this. I wondered the same thing

with my mom. I'm not sure how much of it is the chemo and how much is that

they feel less and less in control of whats happening to them. I think part

of

it is fear and from what I have been told that fear often makes people strike

out to those that are the closest to them. I haven't came up with an ideal

way

to deal with it. Mostly I just use my sounding board (thank god for her) and

vent.

[Guest guest]

Donelle, Please do not think this. Glen knows exactly what you are doing for

him. But life is very hard on him at this period of his life. We all know that.

Love, Lydia

Grandmommyandme@... wrote:

In a message dated 10/20/2005 12:58:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

sftfemme@... writes:

Narice,

Wow. I thought I was the only one who saw this. I wondered the same thing

with my mom. I'm not sure how much of it is the chemo and how much is that

they feel less and less in control of whats happening to them. I think part

of

it is fear and from what I have been told that fear often makes people

strike

out to those that are the closest to them. I haven't came up with an ideal

way

to deal with it. Mostly I just use my sounding board (thank god for her)

and

vent.

... I'm inclined to go with your thinking that it's the fear and the

fact that the patient feels less and less in control as time goes on.

Glenn's not been on chemo since April and I truly get this more than I would

like,

i.e every day at least once I get a smart, tart remark or even yelled at!!!

Makes me feel like all I've done/am doing for him isn't even appreciated...

Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Guest guest]

Narice,

I think you need to get more water into Phil. If he

is drying out during chemo the poison in the drugs

will do all sorts of bad things to him. Try hot water

from the sink, just cool enough to drink without

scalding.

Len

--- flipper759@... wrote:

---------------------------------

Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or

argumentative?

Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken

the wrong way and

little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but

sometimes I feel like I'm the

scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes

him feel. I am trying to

understand and I know it is hard but well it still

hurts.

Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

Narice

[Guest guest]

Narice , Joe went through this too , drove me crazy , very angry I believe it

was his way of depression, which lets face it , they had/have a reason to be

I just would walk on eggshells until he settled down and then discuss it with

him.

He cant get mad at the chemo , the chemo doesnt care, sooooooooooooooooooo your

the sounding board.

have you mentioned it to the doc? maybe they can prescribe him something for

moodiness? worth a thought ((((((Narice)))))))) hang in there hun

(((((((((((Phil)))))))))))))))))))

Deb

flipper759@... wrote:

Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or argumentative?

Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken the wrong way and

little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but sometimes I feel like I'm the

scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes him feel. I am trying to

understand and I know it is hard but well it still hurts.

Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

Narice

[Guest guest]

In honesty I think he is just upset when he does not feel well. All

you can do is over look this. He probably does not even know he is

hurting the one who is closed to him. Try to over look it and don't

argue back. Love, Ingrid

>

>

>

> Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or argumentative?

>

> Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken the wrong way

and

> little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but sometimes I feel

like I'm the

> scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes him feel. I

am trying to

> understand and I know it is hard but well it still hurts.

>

> Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

>

> Narice

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know who I'm talking to in this instance, but

to all those who have problems with their spouses. I

started counseling to try to fix my irritable bowel

syndrome. Verta started coming along and the two of

had counseling for a year. Since then we have never

had one argument and we are more helpful and

appreciating of each other than ever. I advise a good

counselor.

Len

--- Dawson wrote:

---------------------------------

Narice,

When things are calm and he's not being too touchy or

sensitive, talk to him about it. He really may not

even realize he's doing it. I catch myself being that

way sometimes too. I don't think it's the chemo as

much as I just feel bad and I'm scared and the closest

ones are the most convenient and safe to let loose on.

It's not fair, but I don't think it's really unusual.

For myself, when I realize I'm doing it or have done

it, I immediately apologize and tell him I can't

promise I won't do it again, but I'll try to be more

aware of how I'm acting, especially when I'm feeling

bad.

flipper759@... wrote:

Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or

argumentative?

Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken

the wrong way and

little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but

sometimes I feel like I'm the

scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes

him feel. I am trying to

understand and I know it is hard but well it still

hurts.

Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

Narice

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 9:33:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,

lowenco@... writes:

In honesty I think he is just upset when he does not feel well. All

you can do is over look this. He probably does not even know he is

hurting the one who is closed to him. Try to over look it and don't

argue back. Love, Ingrid

Yes Ma'am...of course, you are absolutely right!!!

Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

[Guest guest]

YEEESSSSS!!!!!!

Marty

On 10/20/2005 5:49:19 PM, colon_cancer_support wrote:

> Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or argumentative?

>

> Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken the wrong way and

> little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but sometimes I feel like I'm

> the

> scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes him feel. I am

> trying to

> understand and I know it is hard but well it still hurts.

>

> Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

>

> Narice

[Guest guest]

I usually do that too but every once in a while I pull out my frying pan

right Donelle?

Narice

In a message dated 10/21/2005 2:42:31 PM Eastern Standard Time,

hlen@... writes:

I think Phil is just having normal reactions to the

stress. Verta just touches me lightly and whispers

that the bad stuff is busy killing all the cancer

cells. It works.

Len

--- Marty and Ellen Grogin

wrote:

> YEEESSSSS!!!!!!

>

> Marty

>

> On 10/20/2005 5:49:19 PM,

> colon_cancer_support wrote:

> > Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or

> argumentative?

> >

> > Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is

> taken the wrong way and

> > little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but

> sometimes I feel like I'm

> > the

> > scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo

> makes him feel. I am

> > trying to

> > understand and I know it is hard but well it still

> hurts.

> >

> > Now the bigger question what have you done about

> it?.

> >

> > Narice

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

sniff sniff , I am not land locked I am completely surround by water ( Michigan

here ) however I havent had any crabcakes since I was 17yrs old and that was in

Alabama were my Cajun Aunt made them from scratch , we also had a HUGE crab boil

too .

Dang now I am hungry and Joe dont like seafood

Deb

flipper759@... wrote:

Didn't I tell you Phil IS FROM Baltimore His Dad sends them up mail-order?

And I'm from Silver Spring near Priscilla right up the road from Holy Cross

hospital and not too far from Walter Army base.

The crabcakes are like $9.50 EACH though and he sent 12!!!!

We had 6 last night (Dan missed them as he's at school) and we will have the

other 6 tonight.

I sent you (Donelle) the information Bet Mr. Glenn would like some!!

And you Lake and Land Locked Dwellers those dang things you people call

crabcakes are nothing but stuffing balls!!! You got to have lots of what we

call

" lump meat. "

If you want something good call 1- 800- CRABCAKE (272-2225)

or go to _http://www.crabcake.com/ordering_info.html_

(http://www.crabcake.com/ordering_info.html)

Narice

Narice, you hang on to your frying pan....I heard it was all dented up and

fits Phil's head perfectly. I need a huge one, b/c Glenn's got a big

head!!!

LOL

How are you getting crabcakes from Angelina's??? Lucky dog, lucky dog!!!

Ohhh, enjoy Narice...I know they will be delicious!!!

Donelle

[Guest guest]

I think Phil is just having normal reactions to the

stress. Verta just touches me lightly and wispers

that the bad stuff is busy killing all the cancer

cells. It works.

Len

--- Marty and Ellen Grogin

wrote:

> YEEESSSSS!!!!!!

>

> Marty

>

> On 10/20/2005 5:49:19 PM,

> colon_cancer_support wrote:

> > Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or

> argumentative?

> >

> > Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is

> taken the wrong way and

> > little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but

> sometimes I feel like I'm

> > the

> > scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo

> makes him feel. I am

> > trying to

> > understand and I know it is hard but well it still

> hurts.

> >

> > Now the bigger question what have you done about

> it?.

> >

> > Narice

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Nah Alaskan crab legs are good but they aren't like blue crabs

In a message dated 10/21/2005 6:51:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jehret@... writes:

Oh Deb I do so love crab.. Once when we were in Florida, I ate 2 lbs of crab

legs, nothing else. I ate every single bit.. What a mess I was when I got

done. I haven't had any since.. Not that crazy about crab cakes though.. I

think I just like cracking the shells etc. Oh yum.. any time you want to go

for Crab, just holler at me. I will go. LOL Jolene

-----Original Message-----

From: colon_cancer_support

[mailto:colon_cancer_support ] On Behalf Of deb vamdembos

Sent: Friday, October 21, 2005 1:08 PM

To: colon_cancer_support

Subject: Re: Re: Hate to ask this but....

sniff sniff , I am not land locked I am completely surround by water (

Michigan here ) however I havent had any crabcakes since I was 17yrs old and

that was in Alabama were my Cajun Aunt made them from scratch , we also had

a HUGE crab boil too .

Dang now I am hungry and Joe dont like seafood

Deb

flipper759@... wrote:

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Guest guest]

The ONLY real crabcakes are from Baltimore to the Eastern Shore.

Priscilla A. Savary

Executive Director

Colorectal Cancer Network

PO Box 182, Kensington MD 20895

psavary@...

www.colorectal-cancer.net

_________

Screening for All. Colon Cancer for None.

ProjectMARCH -- rarely in life do you get a chance to make major change or save

thousands of lives. March 6, 2006 you can.

http://www.colorectal-cancer.net/projectmarch.htm

Re: Re: Hate to ask this but....

Didn't I tell you Phil IS FROM Baltimore His Dad sends them up mail-order?

And I'm from Silver Spring near Priscilla right up the road from Holy Cross

hospital and not too far from Walter Army base.

The crabcakes are like $9.50 EACH though and he sent 12!!!!

We had 6 last night (Dan missed them as he's at school) and we will have the

other 6 tonight.

I sent you (Donelle) the information Bet Mr. Glenn would like some!!

And you Lake and Land Locked Dwellers those dang things you people call

crabcakes are nothing but stuffing balls!!! You got to have lots of what we

call

" lump meat. "

If you want something good call 1- 800- CRABCAKE (272-2225)

or go to _http://www.crabcake.com/ordering_info.html_

(http://www.crabcake.com/ordering_info.html)

Narice

Narice, you hang on to your frying pan....I heard it was all dented up and

fits Phil's head perfectly. I need a huge one, b/c Glenn's got a big

head!!!

LOL

How are you getting crabcakes from Angelina's??? Lucky dog, lucky dog!!!

Ohhh, enjoy Narice...I know they will be delicious!!!

Donelle

[Guest guest]

Oh Deb I do so love crab.. Once when we were in Florida, I ate 2 lbs of crab

legs, nothing else. I ate every single bit.. What a mess I was when I got

done. I haven't had any since.. Not that crazy about crab cakes though.. I

think I just like cracking the shells etc. Oh yum.. any time you want to go

for Crab, just holler at me. I will go. LOL Jolene

Re: Re: Hate to ask this but....

sniff sniff , I am not land locked I am completely surround by water (

Michigan here ) however I havent had any crabcakes since I was 17yrs old and

that was in Alabama were my Cajun Aunt made them from scratch , we also had

a HUGE crab boil too .

Dang now I am hungry and Joe dont like seafood

Deb

flipper759@... wrote:

[Guest guest]

This is an interesting thread to me. I have had an extreme craving

for crab cakes for the past 2 months. It is something i even dream

about! After reading all the posts about crab I think I will have to

break down and make some soon. They are soooo good.

Jane

> Nah Alaskan crab legs are good but they aren't like blue crabs

>

>

>

>

>

> In a message dated 10/21/2005 6:51:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> jehret@h... writes:

>

> Oh Deb I do so love crab.. Once when we were in Florida, I ate 2

lbs of crab

> legs, nothing else. I ate every single bit.. What a mess I was

when I got

> done. I haven't had any since.. Not that crazy about crab cakes

though.. I

> think I just like cracking the shells etc. Oh yum.. any time you

want to go

> for Crab, just holler at me. I will go. LOL Jolene

>

>

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: colon_cancer_support

> [mailto:colon_cancer_support ] On Behalf Of deb

vamdembos

> Sent: Friday, October 21, 2005 1:08 PM

> To: colon_cancer_support

> Subject: Re: Re: Hate to ask this but....

>

>

>

> sniff sniff , I am not land locked I am completely surround by

water (

> Michigan here ) however I havent had any crabcakes since I was

17yrs old and

> that was in Alabama were my Cajun Aunt made them from scratch , we

also had

> a HUGE crab boil too .

> Dang now I am hungry and Joe dont like seafood

>

> Deb

>

> flipper759@a... wrote:

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You my friends are so wonderfully funny. Thanks, Ingrid

>

>

> In a message dated 10/21/2005 11:58:07 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> flipper759@a... writes:

>

>

> Thanks, Jolene and Ingrid....said with honest sincerity.

>

> Do we have to be patient EVERY day??? LOL (jokingly)

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

>

> Why do you want to borrow my frying pan? Guess what we are

having for

> dinner Donelle?

> Crab cakes from Angelina's in Baltimore YUMMY!!!

> Don't worry gang we are stuck together like glue! I think it is

our lot in

> life to drive each other crazy!! LOL

> Narice

>

>

>

>

> Narice, you hang on to your frying pan....I heard it was all

dented up and

> fits Phil's head perfectly. I need a huge one, b/c Glenn's got a

big head!!!

> LOL

>

> How are you getting crabcakes from Angelina's??? Lucky dog, lucky

dog!!!

> Ohhh, enjoy Narice...I know they will be delicious!!!

>

> Donelle

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Narice, before my husband was diagnosed, we might get into a

disagreement and I would talk back to him and try to get him to see

my side of it. He is stubborn, so I usually leave the room and go

wash dishes. And I would cry buckets. I would feel so sorry for

myself. Why does he treat me like that? He would be so mad at me

that he would leave the house without saying goodbye. But I always

knew where he was going. He would walk around in walmart and look

for bargains. LOL He might stay there a couple of hours. When he

came home his anger was cooled off, and he would be in a better

mood. When I was putting the groceries in the refrigerator, he would

say. " Look what I bought you. " Sometimes I just wanted to laugh

because he was so excited about it, and it was just an insignificant

little thing. For example a 50 cent plastic spatula to turn the eggs

over in the skillet. LOL But I just had to smile because it meant

that he was thinking of me. Or maybe he was thinking of his

breakfast. haha

Ok, after the diagnosis, he never goes anywhere. A couple of times

he would raise his voice and argue with me, and I would do the same

thing. But this last time it was different. I left the room to go

wash dishes. For some reason there are always dishes in my house.

haha The tears welled up in my eyes, but they didn't fall. I just

knew that he really didn't mean the things he said. It was just his

frustration about his diagnosis and the unknown future. He came and

told me that he said some things and he hoped I didn't feel bad when

he said it. I was honest and said it did make me feel sad, but I

know you didn't mean it. It was over almost as soon as it happened.

We just have to hang onto each other and put the hard feelings

behind us.

Hugs,

Deb from KS

>

>

>

> Does anyone find that chemo makes them agitated or argumentative?

>

> Lately I feel like everything I say to Phil is taken the wrong

way and

> little stuff drives him crazy. I'm trying but sometimes I feel

like I'm the

> scapegoat for all the stuff the cancer and chemo makes him feel.

I am trying to

> understand and I know it is hard but well it still hurts.

>

> Now the bigger question what have you done about it?.

>

> Narice

[Guest guest]

God Bless Verta... Hugs to you both Jolene

Re: Hate to ask this but....

I think Phil is just having normal reactions to the

stress. Verta just touches me lightly and wispers

that the bad stuff is busy killing all the cancer

cells. It works.

Len

--- Marty and Ellen Grogin

_____