Don't like my kid much lately.

[Guest guest]

> FREAKED. He started screaming at me, saying *I* forgot it was

> pajama day, it was all MY fault, and we HAD to go home and change

> into pajamas. >

Theory of mind? ' psych once said that " people with autism

believe that everyone knows everything they know " ...not that this

makes the encounter any less unpleasant.

> So then he started SCREAMING at me about that. >

Modulation. Everything is big.

> So when I dropped him at school he hugged the dog goodbye, kissed

her, looked at me and said, " I hate you " and left. >

Sorry, Jacquie...but this made me laugh out loud. EVERY kid tells

mom he hates her from time to time...think of it as " I am so mad that

I have to say the meanest thing I can " . I hear it here and there

from my 14 yr old (followed by profuse, loving apologies, after she

calms down--she's afraid I'll think she meant it). Ross Greene calls

it " mental debris " that falls out of their mouths when they are

overwhelmed.

Just remember, the opposite of love isn't hate...it's apathy. No

sign of apathy in this episode. ;-)

Raena

[Guest guest]

Pats Jacquie on the back...I know how hard hearing 'I hate you' is

for ANY parent. My daughter resorts to this type of guilt more

frequently than I prefer.

They addressed this very thing in parenting class. The best response

to it is to shrug your shoulders and say, " I'm sorry you feel that

way because I love you " . Give an explaination why you can't turn

around. Of course this is for NT kids, but I'm thinking might

be able to process it...like it or not. It's important to not get

angry or denounce how he's feeling, but rather try to guide him to

express it more appropriately.

See me, I'd tend to blow. I'm working on it.

>

> I think he's starting to really push the boundaries of his own

emotions and the expression of them. That should be a good thing.

But he is REALLY unlikable.

>

> This morning on the way to school we passed Ben on his bike. He

was wearing pajamas. I guess it was pajama day at school.

FREAKED. He started screaming at me, saying *I* forgot it was pajama

day, it was all MY fault, and we HAD to go home and change into

pajamas.

>

> I told him that HE DIDN'T TELL ME it was pajama day, so how was *I*

supposed to know? (no, school sent me nothing)

>

> So then he started screaming how there was a literacy meeting

tonight with a pajama party for the kids during it. I knew about

this. He wants to go to literacy night. I have NO intention of

taking him to this pj party (which runs an hour past bedtime) so I

can spend 2 hours listening to someone telling me how to teach my

child to read when he already is a good reader. So then he started

SCREAMING at me about that.

>

> So when I dropped him at school he hugged the dog goodbye, kissed

her, looked at me and said, " I hate you " and left.

>

> <sigh>

>

> I am trying really hard to find the positive attitude to rejoice in

this expressiveness, but so far I haven't found it.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 1:31:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> I just said, " Okay. Have a good day at school! "

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

You know he doesn't hate you.Ok this opens up a sensitive question for me to

ask.

Sometimes I wonder if Keion has any idea that we love him-he hates

affection-but loves to wrestle and deep pressure will calm him in second .He

also screams if you get near his face to kiss him.

He is very big for his age-will be 2 next month but looks like a 4-5 year

old in height and build.He is very strong and hurts us with pinching,biting

and kicking.He seems very happy doing it.We have to give our cat away this

week because the cat adores Keion but Keion tortures the poor thing

My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his needs

he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmm......This is just according to my experience but Alec really seems to

care less about Jeff or I. In an affectionate sort of way or loving sort of way.

We meet his needs and play with him and those things make him happy but he

doesn't care who do these things for him. This is the way it is. He does not

care who he is left with or if he is left with someone. He has no special

attatchment to Jeff or I or Yessenia. As for Greggory, he does seem to have a

special bond with him. I dont what to tell you.

Jacquie H

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Definitely NOT true in our case either. As a matter of fact, gets

ticked of when I come home and granny is watching him, because he wants HER

to stay longer. He definitely has a strong attachment to her. I know he

loves me too, as he cries if I try to leave him somewhere different or

something like that, and he hugs, cuddles, and wants ME to kiss his

boo-boos. :-)

ellen

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

Hmmmmmm......This is just according to my experience but Alec really seems

to care less about Jeff or I. In an affectionate sort of way or loving sort

of way. We meet his needs and play with him and those things make him happy

but he doesn't care who do these things for him. This is the way it is. He

does not care who he is left with or if he is left with someone. He has no

special attatchment to Jeff or I or Yessenia. As for Greggory, he does seem

to have a special bond with him. I dont what to tell you.

Jacquie H

Re: Re: Don't like my kid much lately.

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care

much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for

his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so

sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has

NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have

a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 5:06:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

> conventional way to express it.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

Thank you.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

I was told that too, when was about 3. As you can tell, that has NOT

born true AT ALL.

The idea that auties don't love is a myth. They just don't always have a

conventional way to express it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Sounds like a typical teenager thing. Maybe that will help. My stepdaugher

told me stuff like this more times than I can count but now I am smart and

the grandkids come here because we are good parents LOL!!!!!!!