Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 Thanks. I don't feel discouraged about this though. I accept it as the way it is. I love Alec and whether he loves me in any sort of way I understand love to be does not matter to me. It would be great if I thought he did but I just don't think he does. But thank you for your thoughts and ideas. Jacquie H Re: Re: Am I the only one? > > Am I the only one who has a child like this? > Jacquie, I'm sorry you are feeling discouraged. I'm sure you are not the only one (fat chance on this list). That said, almost every family I know has at least one very stoic, seemingly emotionless (albeit NT) member. For whatever reason, some people do not emote well. This does not mean that deep love and caring does not exist. Take your son's autistic limitations into account here, and tell yourself over and over again that he loves you immensely and thinks that you are the best mommy in the *whole* world - - and would tell you or show you if he could. (SAHM in GA) MSN elizabethloht@... n 33, mo, no formal dx Phoebe, 11 wks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 Wow, Raena. You certainly know so much and explain so well. Thank you. And it wasn't even my question! Maggie ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 Jacquie, Argh....I already wrote this once and it blew me out! Notice how it never does it with one liners???? Oh no! Liesel wouldn't give a damn if we gave her a new set of parents tomorrow, providing they were meeting her needs. Raena Beautifully put! It is so painful but we are blessed because we know why this is, other are not so fortunate. I would hate to think my child didn't love me. It's far easier to know they do in the only way they know how. Louisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 :-( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 Great explanation Reana. And Jacquie for sure you are not the only one. Alec loves you in his own special way. Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband _____ I've stopped 42 spam messages. You can too! Get your free, safe spam protection at www.cloudmark.com <http://www.cloudmark.com/spamnet?v1> <http://www.cloudmark.com/> Cloudmark SpamNet - Join the fight against spam! -----Mensaje original----- De: rgr4us Enviado el: Jueves, 01 de Mayo de 2003 11:40 a.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: Re: Am I the only one? > Am I the only one who has a child like this? > Jacquie, I think that there are all levels of attachment/detachment in kids with autism...and that it has not so much to do with caring--a lot to do with which coping strategies a child " chooses " to deal with information overload. Some kids appear totally detached because they are in shutdown...not letting information register above the most basic level---what is needed to survive (food on the table means I can eat; dark means I need to sit/lie down because I can't tell where I am). And this happens at probably as many different levels as there are kids doing it--some shutting down only here and there, or in selected sensory systems, others shutting down pretty much everything--those are often very compliant kids who sit quietly in the corner...the ones who " are no trouble at all " (because they've checked out). It takes intense, careful SI therapy to get these kids connected again--we did it with auditory therapy and crash/bump OT (in her clinic...I almost died watching it, but it worked). Donna talks about a second reason for this in " Exposure Anxiety " ...says that the more she felt herself drawn toward someone (including family), the more she felt the need to draw a curtain between them and her--because exposing her feelings makes her feel unsafe. So, the people she cared most for were the ones she could show the least affection for...because feeling ANYTHING means connecting with self, and she had no real sense of self. Don't know if any of that applies, but thought I'd toss it out. Bottom line? Autism is characterized by sensory and information processing overloads that the brain has to deal with in one way or another for the child to survive, and each child's CNS opts for the strategy that is deemed necessary at that point in time...even when it means those strategies are emotionally damaging (which they often are)....autism is also thought to involve limbic system structures...and that means emotions are impacted. Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 Nope. Empathy is a trait that I do not really see in my daughter. She will say the learned response but without eye contact it really doesn't mean much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 > Thanks. I dont think those 2 reasons apply to Alec though. > Oh. Well, never mind then... ;-) May I ask, how do you see what is happening? Just curious about what you feel goes on in Alec's mind...not trying to pry. Feel free to ignore if you don't want to pursue this further....I just always like to understand more about kids like ours, and how they think. Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 No. 's not like Alec, but I guarantee you're not the only one! is quite physically affectionate but he is also my little sensory seeker and I feel like most of his " affection " is actually looking for some OT, if you take my meaning. " True " affection is pretty rare and pretty recent. He definitely knows us from Adam, as you put it, but he's perfectly content to walk away or be left with a complete stranger, or jump into someone's lap and press up against them, or rub his hands in a strange man's beard, or... Yesterday when I took him in to school he did not want to go sit at the table for breakfast; he wanted to play with the toys. His teacher could not get him up off the floor and asked if I could help. I held my arms out to him and he reached up and I pulled him up. Then he wanted picked up so I did. (Holy cow! says the teacher, I could not pick up my 3 year old when I was that pregnant!) We made it to the table and I squatted down next to him as he was clearly not ready for me to go yet. The teacher and I talked for a few minutes and then I stood up. He reached out for me, and I held my hand out for him to hold, feeling loved and needed. He pushed my hand away, leaned over, and shoved my thigh. *sigh* Teacher laughed and said, " You're dismissed. " So while is not exactly like Alec I do have some of those same feelings, I think. {{{{{Jacquie}}}}} -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 Outward empathetic behaviors can be learned and that is what I hope to teach Putter. Sometimes the outward action can lead to the inward feeling actually arising. This is why it is always worth it to teach outward empathetic behaviors. They are definitely not worth it to Putter. He hates people to cry, but not, I think, because the other person is unhappy. I think he has observed that crying leads to scary behaviors sometimes. Actually there is an empathetic piece to this. Putter hates to have his eyes wet from crying and he is very anxious to wipe other people's eyes if they are crying. Maybe he thinks that they will hate to be wet too? Maybe? More likely he fears that their tears will get on him and he will have to strip off all his clothes. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.