Re: How would YOU have handled this?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 01/09/01 21:48:49 GMT Daylight Time, ruthie@...

writes:

> " You know what you said to me earlier, about Yoel saying I was heavy?

> Well, whether he said it or not, it was unkind of YOU to pass it on to

> me. It hurt my feelings and that's not nice. "

>

> His turn for a sheepish grin, but he nodded his understanding, and

> when I asked him if he was sorry he said yes.

>

> Would anyone have done anything differently?

>

Sounds perfect Ruthie, and will probably sink in more coming from Grandma

than from his Mummy :-)

[Guest guest]

> His turn for a sheepish grin, but he nodded his understanding,

and

> when I asked him if he was sorry he said yes.

>

> Would anyone have done anything differently?

>

>

> Ruthie

Sounds like the way i would have liked to have dealt with it (my

boys are nearly 5 and just 7) - in fact it was good that you said it

without losing your temper but explained that it had upset you.

Caroline

[Guest guest]

Ruthie wrote:

> " Yoel says you're so heavy, you're heavier than the carpet. "

It's a strange comparison but there's no accounting for kids.

I've had a couple of experiences with this this year. Both after I

started losing weight ironically.

The first was when Steffi moved over all her teddies in bed so I could

lie down next to her. 'Move over and make room for the fat person' she

said. Charming. I didn't say anything but I was very hurt and read her

story pretty deadpan that night.

The second was when I was congratulating myself on getting into a pair

of trousers a size smaller than I had been wearing. And not squeezing

myself into them either. 'Mummy, why are your legs so fat?' she asked?

My response to that was easier - I'll never have thin legs - I'm just

not built that way so that's what I told her. And when I repeated it to

some friends over lunch we had a really good belly laugh over it (good

for the abdominals, a good laugh) :-)

Don't get too upset Ruthie. I think you did a great job of explaining

that it hurt.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

I think that's about the best thing you could have done, Ruthie.

We're kind of in the same scenario here, as DD2, 5yo, told DD1, 14yo, that

she was fat. Apart from the fact it isn't true, (as anyone who's met my DD1

knows) it's hurtful and at 14 she *could* have taken the remark quite badly.

Luckily DD2 is sensible and graciously accepted an apology from DD1.

Lesley

----------------------------

From: <ruthie@

>

> At the time I said nothing at all, but it did hurt a lot. Later on,

> as I was putting them to bed, I took Zvi aside and said:

>

> " You know what you said to me earlier, about Yoel saying I was heavy?

> Well, whether he said it or not, it was unkind of YOU to pass it on to

> me. It hurt my feelings and that's not nice. "

>

> His turn for a sheepish grin, but he nodded his understanding, and

> when I asked him if he was sorry he said yes.

>

> Would anyone have done anything differently?

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you did great - I think I might have been tempted to

fly off the handle immediately, even tho' I'd have know it wasn't the

best way to deal with it.

You seem to have got the point across without making a big scene.

Well done you - that's what I say

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

> OK all you mothers of younger kids out there, ...input please.

> Admittedly I am not Yoel and Zvi (5 and 8 respectively)'s mum, I'm

> their Grandma. Does it make it different? Maybe.

[Guest guest]

Sorry Sue, I know it wasn't a funny story it did make me chuckle.

Aren't kids funny. I don't think they have any idea about other

people's feelings one moment, and then they do or say something really

kind.

I frequently get " I don't like you " which, if I'm feeling down, I can

take to heart, but then just as frequently (probably more so, in fact)

I get " I like you " or " I love you " .

Todman

Treasurer, Stansted Branch (R5)

Mum to , 3½

> The first was when Steffi moved over all her teddies in bed so I

could

> lie down next to her. 'Move over and make room for the fat person'

she

> said. Charming. I didn't say anything but I was very hurt and read

her

> story pretty deadpan that night.

[Guest guest]

No, thats what I would do to my 3.5 yr SS. Explain why it was wrong and why

it upset you. Generally if my SS thinks he has made me sad, he stops doing

the thing that upset me.