Re: A little overwhelmed ....

November 4, 2005

I am shocked. From the posts you come to know people. I sit here with hopes

and prayes and to find out someone you were counting on being around for a

while may not be around for longi s devistating. As his wife you have feelings

far beyond mine but I do care and wish you the best.

November 4, 2005

A little overwhelmed? " I'm " overwhelmed. " You " must be devastated!

I'm trying to be positive but this is so damn unfair. I'm so sorry

to read what you have written. I think we all see the signs but it

is a shock to have to call hospice.

Prayers coming your and Glenn's way...

Cliff H.

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins who

is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm actually

waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but reiterated

that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from that

creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame shortens,

I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

November 4, 2005

Donnelle,

I am so saddened to read your last post. No one knows the end or when

it will come unless you are one of the ones who deals with the beast.

My heart, prayers and sould go out to you and Glenn at this time of

need.

Jennie

November 4, 2005

Donelle,

Let me give you a big (((((((((HUG))))))))) for you definitely need

it. My heart goes out to you, for I have been where you are right

now. I will never forget the night the onc talked with my husband

and I for over 2 hours, explaining that he was in liver failure

(which I already knew) and that there were no more options. I

remember sobbing like the first day we got that advanced stage IV

diagnosis. My Dear, I can tell you that you will get through this

and the sun will shine again. You do not need to be strong, go ahead

and cry all you want.

My advice:: Tell your boss that you are on leave until further

notice. Spend every moment you can with Glenn. Believe me, you will

cherish these moments in the months to come. Work will always be

there, and somehow, the bills will get paid, don't let yourself

worry about it for now. Talk to him, even if you think he isn't

listening and is probably only conscous & coherant part of the time.

Talk about the good memories, play your favorite music, spend time

cuddling, and tell him how much you love him, are going to miss him,

but understand and will be okay. As he becomes more confused, he may

say things he doesn't mean, it is the disease, not him. Try to

remember that.

The hospice nurses we had were excellent. I don't know what I'd have

done without them. It was they who helped me to call our children

all home when he started failing rapidly. They do know.

I wish I could take away your pain and make this easier, but no one

can. Just know that we are all here for you and I do know that God's

grace with give you the peace and strength for the days ahead.

If you ever wish, feel free to email me off-board, I'll be happy to

chat or call you on the phone to talk.

Hugs & Prayers,

H

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins

who is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm

actually waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but

reiterated that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from

that creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame

shortens, I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

>

November 4, 2005

OMG Donelle, this is devastating news. I was going to ask you if

Glenn could have a liver transplant, hoping that there was a way,

that he was going to make it. We all have to go sometime, but we're

not ready for this. This is so upsetting. No wonder we haven't heard

very much from you lately. You have been with the doctors and

wanting to be a little by yourself. Donelle, you must be a saint.

You say you are overwhelmed but I sense a calmness in your message.

My heart goes out to you at this time. I'm so sorry. So very sorry.

I pray that during these last weeks in hospice that you have some

good times talking together and just being with each other. Please

remember the good times you had together before he had this damned

disease. God bless you both and all your family. You are always in

my prayers.

~Deb from KS

>

> Hello to all....

>

> We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan

of the

> liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

quite some

> time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

explained in the

> last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

continued

> diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

(beginning of the

> confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

most of you

> probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

treat very

> aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

longer endure

> it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

would only

> make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

here, for a

> change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

more treatment.

> He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

>

> He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

mine

> suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

thoroughly explained

> to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

should take the

> pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

basis (and

> that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

> anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

on sleeping at nights.

> And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

and have open

> sores.

>

> We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins

who is to

> schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm

actually waiting to

> hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

for

> interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from

all the current

> signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but

reiterated that Hospice

> might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

less, after

> our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

basis and are

> even more qualified than he to determine this.

>

> Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

it was

> coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

very sharp stab

> of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

love?? What do

> you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from

that creature

> called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

How can I

> stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

matter??

>

> I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we

are....

> and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I

want...and I

> don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

what they are

> able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

probably will go

> to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from

home

> (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame

shortens, I will

> need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so

I need to

> stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

little

> while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

>

> Donelle

> Caregiver to Glenn

November 4, 2005

Donelle,

I agree one hundred per cent with . When they tell you they

can't do anymore, it is like someone kicked you in the stomach. You

have been hoping for so long for a miracle. Spend the time with

him. You will never regret it. If you need someone in the future,

please e-mail me and I will give you my phone number. I know what

you are going through and it is the hardest thing you will ever do.

I wish I could help you through it. I am so sorry. You have my hugs

and prayers.

God Bless,

Judy

> >

> > Hello to all....

> >

> > We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT.

Scan

> of the

> > liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for

> quite some

> > time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I

> explained in the

> > last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods,

> continued

> > diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion

> (beginning of the

> > confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As

> most of you

> > probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they

> treat very

> > aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no

> longer endure

> > it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It

> would only

> > make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life

> here, for a

> > change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No

> more treatment.

> > He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

> >

> > He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as

> mine

> > suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and

> thoroughly explained

> > to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he

> should take the

> > pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular

> basis (and

> > that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him

an

> > anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back

> on sleeping at nights.

> > And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch

> and have open

> > sores.

> >

> > We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins

> who is to

> > schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm

> actually waiting to

> > hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday

> for

> > interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that

from

> all the current

> > signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but

> reiterated that Hospice

> > might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or

> less, after

> > our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily

> basis and are

> > even more qualified than he to determine this.

> >

> > Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew

> it was

> > coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a

> very sharp stab

> > of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I

> love?? What do

> > you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from

> that creature

> > called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart??

> How can I

> > stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't

> matter??

> >

> > I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where

we

> are....

> > and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what

I

> want...and I

> > don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see

> what they are

> > able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I

> probably will go

> > to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work

from

> home

> > (hoping they will continue to pay me).

> > I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame

> shortens, I will

> > need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once,

so

> I need to

> > stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a

> little

> > while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

> >

> > Donelle

> > Caregiver to Glenn

> >

November 4, 2005

Thank you ...please try to take the best care of your body that you can

for as long as you can.

Lots of hugs and prayers, Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

November 4, 2005

Donelle:

I am so heartbroken to hear this. Glenn has been through so much and he has

been tough all the way. I really wasn't expecting to hear the word hospice

at this time. You have been so strong and comforting for him and I know you

will continue to be. You are a blessing in his life and we should all hope

to have someone like you with us when it is our time to go. Live every moment

you can with him as I know you will do. If there is anything I can do,

please let me know (you can email me offline).

My prayers and thoughts are with you and Glenn.

November 4, 2005

Donelle,

My heart goes out to you both. I can tell your heart is breaking and just wish

there was something I could say or do to make this all easier for you. Words

just aren't adequate. All I can tell you is you have my prayers and hugs. If I

could be there to hold your hand and help you physically, I'd be there in a

flash. You're such an asset to this board and I know this is so difficult for

you after all the trial and treatments and hope you've experienced.

Just remember we're here for you, and I'm also on AOL if you'd rather talk

privately. I'll send you e-mail from my AOL address with a subject line so

you'll know it's me. I'm crying real tears for both of you.

Grandmommyandme@... wrote:

Hello to all....

We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan of the

liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for quite some

time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I explained in the

last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods, continued

diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion (beginning of the

confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As most of you

probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they treat very

aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no longer endure

it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It would only

make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life here, for a

change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No more treatment.

He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as mine

suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and thoroughly

explained

to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he should take the

pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular basis (and

that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back on sleeping at

nights.

And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch and have open

sores.

We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins who is to

schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm actually waiting to

hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday for

interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from all the

current

signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but reiterated that

Hospice

might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or less, after

our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily basis and are

even more qualified than he to determine this.

Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew it was

coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a very sharp stab

of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I love?? What do

you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from that creature

called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart?? How can I

stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't matter??

I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we are....

and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I want...and I

don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see what they are

able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I probably will go

to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from home

(hoping they will continue to pay me).

I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame shortens, I will

need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so I need to

stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a little

while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn

November 4, 2005

Donelle,

Words can not express the sorrow I feel for what you are going through. I can

only offer prayers for you and Glenn.

Pat