Re: Favouritism - kids

[Guest guest]

>>I suspect it is really because my uncle is the favoured child -

>>born years after the older two and in *much* happier times.

I find this whole favouritism thing really tricky though - my sister

(the older one, who I no longer speak to) was always going on about

how my father preferred me when we were growing up; and being six

years younger I didn't really know what I was meant to do about it. I

ended up always taking her side, always doing peace-negotiation,

always trying to 'make up' for this unfortunate fact that my father

liked me best. In reality I don't think it was true either - but

perhaps it became a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I am terrified that one of my kids are going to think that I like the

other one better - does anyone else worry about this? When I see them

bickering and DD goes into a sulk because little brother needs to be

picked up, I have visions of her shouting at me at the age of 38 that

I always preferred him to her (like my sister has done to my mum).

Karina

[Guest guest]

> >>I suspect it is really because my uncle is the favoured child -

> >>born years after the older two and in *much* happier times.

>

>

> I find this whole favouritism thing really tricky though - my sister

> (the older one, who I no longer speak to)<snip>

My father was a Holocaust refugee. For him family was everything, as

he had little else to cling to during those terrible times and indeed

most of his family perished in Auschwitz. (his parents, 3 sisters and

2 little nieces, leaving him only his two brothers whom he managed to

get out in time..you can read his story on my website on

http://www.ruthiepearlman.com/oscar.html)

He told me (an only child) that I should always stay close to my

cousins, because, as he put it " when the chips are down who else can

you turn to but your blood relations? "

I feel saddened reading about all the family rifts on this list. I

feel anxious when my own adult children have even the most minor

quarrel amongst themselves, like the one about where we should go to

for first night Rosh Hashanah. I always encourage them to sort out

their differences and be close, and I remember my father's wise words.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

> He told me (an only child) that I should always stay close to my

> cousins, because, as he put it " when the chips are down who else

> can you turn to but your blood relations? "

That used to be my feeling too.

In the past I could never understand siblings who were so petty that

they fell out and stopped speaking to each other. My siblings and I

were all so close, I was sure it would never, ever, happen to me.

Those who have read my reply to Vicki might realise that one does not

always have a choice.

Karina