To Narice - We began here together

[Guest guest]

Dear Narice,

I have always followed your posts because your husband and I were

diagnosed with stage 4 cc at exactly the same time (June 2003). I had

colon, liver and lung mets although I think Phil just had colon and

liver mets at the time of dx. I often wondered why Phil never had

surgery to remove the tumor/tumors in his colon. Was it too large,

inoperable? Perhaps I am wrong about this but I believe he did not

have that surgery but went right on to chemo. I had the colon cancer

surgery. There were 4 tumors found, only one was malignant but bad

enough to break through the wall and metastasize.

I am so very sorry to read about Phil's condition now and that is has

become so critical. Obviously, it scares me too because of the same

time frame we both shared. I, too, was told to get my affairs in

order and that every day after six months was a gift. Like Phil, that

was exactly 2.5 years ago. I know you have your hands full now,

especially since Phil went back into the hospital last night but I

guess I am totally shocked because although I haven't read the

messages on this board as regularly as others (sometimes seeing the

terrible times both caretakers and colon cancer sufferers are having

and the loss of so many wonderful people on this board is so

depressing to me that I find it brings me down and is not always the

best thing for my morale). But, Narice, and my question can wait, of

course, I just can't believe how bad Phil got so quickly. It seemed

just a few months (weeks)? ago, he was doing quite well (although we

all know the longevity stats for most stage 4's). When did the

downhill slide begin? You know I am asking this for myself also. I

have not started the slide yet, as a matter of fact, the only real

problem I have is a bad cough from a lung met near my throat. (I have

about 13 mets in my lungs - both lobes - not pretty.) I have had two

doses of chest radiation this year (25 treatments) but it hasn't

helped so they are talking about putting a catheter down my throat to

treat the met directly that is causing me to cough. I have multiple

liver mets as well which so far, have not begun to give me trouble. I

am, like others on this board, a living time bomb. I try to cherish

each day as it comes. You talk of taking your paxil. For me it is

lexapro. I highly recommend it!

I have read your thoughts about your desire to continue to support the

colon cancer association when, as you say, the dust has settled. I

think that is wonderful and I know you can be of so much help in any

capacity like that....as a matter of fact, after died, it was

you who seemed to hold up this board so well. Thank you for that. I

know the newbies are so frightened as you and I were that first June

when we both signed on to this board. So much has happened. I wish

with all my heart that there had been another way that we would have

connected and not at a time of such shared misery, confusion and down

right terror.

I know is waiting in heaven for the time that Phil is ready to

join him. This monster of a disease is so insidious. It seems to

take the best people; good, decent people far too young to leave us.

May God bless Phil, you and your children. My prayers are with you.

I know your faith will see you through this. Say a prayer for me too.

Warm regards,

Kit