Re: Family Politics

[Guest guest]

Ruthie, I realised after posting that I was a bit brusque, to put it mildly.

I hope you didn't take offence. Reading your reply, I'm afraid I still come

down on the side of DD2. I too lived closer to and saw more of my parents

than my sister for a long while (and even when Berrie and I lived close

together, for 6 yrs, she would invite them to stay in MY HOUSE!!!! so she

didn't have the hassle while still having them around) - but because I was

single, Christmas was always spent at Berrie's house. The first year I

tried to do otherwise I failed because Mum didn't want to rock the boat, so

I stamped my feet and said " Right then, Christmas Eve at my house for a

special meal " . Well, Mum's health knocked that one on the head. The next

year I suggested that I cater for (then single) Dad and (equally single)

next door neighbour. Then Barbra decided to go home to Sweden so Berrie

swept in and said " There's no point in you and Dad eating on your own, come

to us " . The following year I built up to my offer oh so carefully (and also

because with a chorister Berrie was going to be busy on Xmas day I thought

it was fair enough that I look after Dad and Sheila) and had a long tactful

conversation with Berrie and sorted it all out. Phew, I thought, she

understands, and finally I'm accepted as an adult. I was 30 and had had my

own house for 8 years. 2 minutes later she phoned back and said " Graham has

just asked why his turkey isn't good enough for you?!? " (albeit with a wry

laugh, she did at long last understand) - so we were back to square one

again. It's to do with being credited with the maturity/responsibility to

host a major family/cultural event - and your DD2 will ALWAYS feel put down

by your DD1, believe me! Do tread carefully here, please...

But have a good one anyway!

Anneliese and Timmy

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Message: 25

Date: Sat, 01 Sep 2001 20:52:11 -0000

From: ruthie@...

Subject: Re: Next stage in life...

> Ruthie,

>

> I think YOU should be considerate and think of DD2's feelings. As

a DD2

> myself I've BTDT and boy it HURTS. (have got confirmation from

another

> lately-married DD2 that I'm not alone in this!) So just tell DD1

that you

> want to spend the time with DD2 this year (whether you do or not)

and build

> some bridges!!!

>

> :-)

>

> Anneliese and Toddler Tim

I hear what you are saying Anneliese but it's not that simple; DD2

lives MUCH closer than DD1, walking wise (which is relevant on Sabbath

and festivals as we don't drive then.) I go to visit DD2 every single

sabbath afternoon on foot whereas I wouldn't dream of making the long

trek to DD1 on foot unless we were properly invited for a meal, it's

just too far for a " pop in to say hi " sort of visit on Sabbaths. So

during the year I don't see so much of DD1 and her family. OK she

made a conscious decision to move out of the immediate walkable area

(she sold her old house to DD2). She also works as a PE teacher

during the week whereas DD2 doesn't work, so she pops into me a lot.

DD1 therefore feels that these important meals are the only time we

get together as two families, aside from the Sukkot trip to Israel.

DD2 is free to invite us every Sabbath if she wants to, but tbh I feel

she has been stalling until Yeshaya goes away because she had a row

with him that night when he " ran away " to Azariah's and she gave him a

rolicking on the phone about it. She has not invited us since as it

would involve him too.

Family politics!!

Ruthie

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