A little overwhelmed ....

[Guest guest]

Hello to all....

We saw the Oncologist yesterday, after Glenn receiving a CT. Scan of the

liver and tons of blood work...Glenn's liver has been failing for quite some

time and it has taken a real aggressive course recently...as I explained in the

last email, with the jaundice, change in personality and moods, continued

diarrhea with pale stools, sleeping, days and nights confusion (beginning of the

confusion that occurs with failing liver), depression, etc. As most of you

probably know, s Hopkins Hosp. is tops in the world...they treat very

aggressively and they continue treatments until the body can no longer endure

it. Glenn is too ill, too weak to even consider more chemo. It would only

make him sicker and we are looking for a little quality of life here, for a

change. The Dr. didn't even give Glenn the option to say, No more treatment.

He just told him his body nor his mind could not endure it.

He gave me 10 prescriptions including a blood pressure cuff (as mine

suddenly doesn't work) all to make Glenn more comfortable and thoroughly

explained

to us (after I asked) how the meds can work together...why he should take the

pain reliever (Oxycodone and Fentanyl Pain Patch) on a regular basis (and

that the pain meds might help bind up the diarrhea). Gave him an

anti-depressant, Celexa. Ambien to sleep and maybe get him back on sleeping at

nights.

And some lotion to help with the itching, so he doesn't scratch and have open

sores.

We spoke with the Hospice Social Worker while at s Hopkins who is to

schedule immediate End of Life Care through Hospice. I'm actually waiting to

hear from them now, hoping we can get them to the house on Monday for

interview, etc. The Dr. has stated (again after I asked) that from all the

current

signs of deterioration, he gives Glenn 2 - 12 weeks, but reiterated that

Hospice

might come to a more accurate decision, which could be more or less, after

our interview with them. He said they deal with it on a daily basis and are

even more qualified than he to determine this.

Needless to say.... even though we knew it was coming and I knew it was

coming yesterday...it's still a very hard slap in the face....a very sharp stab

of reality in the gut and heart... what do I say to this man I love?? What do

you say to anyone who's been given the sentence of death from that creature

called CANCER!!! How can I stay strong and not fall apart?? How can I

stay strong and not have him think I don't care or it doesn't matter??

I came to work today to talk to my boss and let him know where we are....

and they were very compassionate, but need to know exactly what I want...and I

don't even know yet. I guess after I talk with hospice and see what they are

able to do will determine what I do.... I told my bosses I probably will go

to 3 days a week instead of 4...and asked if I could do work from home

(hoping they will continue to pay me).

I told them as the disease progresses and the time frame shortens, I will

need to be with Glenn....I've already cried at work today once, so I need to

stop typing...and go back to work to get my mind cleared for a little

while...soon I can go home and be with Glenn for a couple days...

Donelle

Caregiver to Glenn