I am such an awful person

May 5, 2003

I have a garden. It's little but it's mine. By the end of the summer it

goes a little ragged. The first year was diagnoised it was pretty much

all weeds but this year I plan to can. It's all about safety and design.

Example... love slides. So in our backyard we have two slides three

swings and we are planning on building a BIG sandbox. The slide is right

next to the garden so that I can watch her.

Remember he will be going to school someday and one that day you can garden

also. I know alot of people that have split rail fences and then staple

chicken wire on the inside to prevent younger children from escaping. It

doesn't look half bad and you can't see the wire from the street. You may

want to just fence in a piece of land so that you can garden and he has a

" safe " place.

Hugs Honey it does get better! OK she still eats sand but it's better than

last year!

May 5, 2003

We have a hook and eyelatch on the top of the front and back doors. It has a

spring so it's a bit tougher than other latches. I do not shower unless

is in school. My husband is a real dickhead. He says to me yesterday

as I try to explain today and tomorrow to (trying to get her to answer

what did you do today?) regular kids dont answer those questions.

Shit... I beg to differ. Every time I pick her up from school there is a

child DYING to tell me what they did. But it's never my kid... never .

He is always yelling at me now. I thought you were going to do this today -

I thought you were going to do that today? Everything I have to do is

hampered by the fact that something else isn't done... or I have

ripping something apart... or I'm cleaning up after him since he doesn't do

any better putting his crap away then she does.

May 5, 2003

Ouch - you have hit a raw one there....it happens to us all.

Trying to juggle our time between, autism and the disorder that

brings, along with the typical mind, normal chores and what we would

like to do in our own time.

It isn't easy but I know we all do a fantastic job raising our

children - we make mistakes.

How's this for a being a jerk big time?

Daughter has autism - mother is red hot on not making any changes

without prior warning about the things that must change.

Anyway - three weeks ago, I go along to the hairdressers and without

a thought for anybody but myself I say to Nat (my hairdresser) " make

me blonde " I really wanted to lighten up my dark hair.

This is what I did and didn't give it a second thought....when I

arrived home, Liesel screamed, " I hate your hair " , tantrummed and

wouldn't speak to me for two days.

I called to see if we could change it back - but he said it was not

advisable.

She has settled now and has accepted it sort of - but how I hated

myself for being so selfish and stupid....Freyja on the other hand

loved it!

Don't beat yourself up, this house is going to be beautiful, when

you are living there you'll have more control over things and will

be able to make those areas safe.

Louisa

May 5, 2003

I always feel

> bad for my other two, since there are some things we

> just cant all do together...<<

>

> I wonder if we are going to get to that point too. I know at some

point is going to realize that is not like other little

boys.....

Im sure he will, but im sure he will be very protective of

him too...my son is that way with jenna, even tho, she

drives him crazy!! And i can already tell, rachelle is

gonna be the same way.. Im SO glad your hubby saw what

happened yesterday, so you didn't have to explain it to

him...(much, much better this way, maybe not for you....)

nancy

May 5, 2003

Oh , you are not an awful person! No one behaves well while being

pushed to the limit. Certainly yelling " stop it " is not excessive (if it is

and boy and I in trouble). It just sounds like you are feeling the stress

of it all, and this is completely normal. I might take this as a sign to do

something for yourself to re-charge your inner battery

don't beat yourself up!

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 11 wks

I am such an awful person

> We (my boys and I) went to do some gardening on the property where DH is

building our house. We have been working on the land part for several years,

so I have flower beds and a veggie garden etc. Also a river runs through

it...... Well took off running for the river so I took off after him

and so (almost 4) didn't know where I was so when I go back, he was

crying. I got him to stop, then went into garage to get garden tool box, 30

sec maybe, took off the other way running through the woods about 1

foot from a 25 foot drop off to the river, I take chase and crying. got him

(he is quick I must say)... happily playing in dirt while and I

plant a few flowers and says " Mom why do you always have to pay

attention to " then gets up and walks into flower bed and

starts picking the petals off the flowers....I got upset and yelled " stop

it " he started crying a big heartbroken cry......the worst part...I think I

really wanted to yell " stop it, stop being autistic " ....I know how awful

that sounds and I feel so badly for even thinking it.....I never should have

yelled. really is a great boy. Its was just between chasing him and

being upset, I just lost it. I guess the reality of this being a life

time issue that isn't going away over night has hit me. I know I shouldn't

expect to be able to do things like gardening. I knew when I planned to

become a mother that I had to give up things and it is worth it. I normally

am not bothered by not doing some of the adult hobbies because the time with

the boys is so wonderful.......

>

> Ok I am just rambling trying to excuse my behavior........I wonder if

after all the years of planning if we are going to have to move to a

different safer piece of land..I hope I can just spend a sh*tload of money

on fences.

>

May 5, 2003

. That is not awful. That is life. Fencing is truly a life saver.

We just purchased new better fencing for our new house. Luckily, we got a

grant through our county for a thousand dollars and we are making that

amount work for us. Maybe you could check into something like that. Also,

make double sure that anything you plant is benign if it is going to be in

the fenced in area. I know there are a LOT of plants and shrubs that can

make you sick if you ingest them. Take care,

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>Subject: I am such an awful person

>Date: Sun, 4 May 2003 13:00:39 -0400

>

>We (my boys and I) went to do some gardening on the property where DH is

>building our house. We have been working on the land part for several

>years, so I have flower beds and a veggie garden etc. Also a river runs

>through it...... Well took off running for the river so I took off

>after him and so (almost 4) didn't know where I was so when I go

>back, he was crying. I got him to stop, then went into garage to get garden

>tool box, 30 sec maybe, took off the other way running through the

>woods about 1 foot from a 25 foot drop off to the river, I take chase and

>crying. got him (he is quick I must say)... happily playing in dirt

>while and I plant a few flowers and says " Mom why do you always

>have to pay attention to " then gets up and walks into flower

>bed and starts picking the petals off the flowers....I got upset and yelled

> " stop it " he started crying a big heartbroken cry......the worst part...I

>think I really wanted to yell " stop it, stop being autistic " ....I know how

>awful that sounds and I feel so badly for even thinking it.....I never

>should have yelled. really is a great boy. Its was just between

>chasing him and being upset, I just lost it. I guess the reality of

>this being a life time issue that isn't going away over night has hit me. I

>know I shouldn't expect to be able to do things like gardening. I knew when

>I planned to become a mother that I had to give up things and it is worth

>it. I normally am not bothered by not doing some of the adult hobbies

>because the time with the boys is so wonderful.......

>

>Ok I am just rambling trying to excuse my behavior........I wonder if after

>all the years of planning if we are going to have to move to a different

>safer piece of land..I hope I can just spend a sh*tload of money on fences.

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May 5, 2003

>>Luckily, we got a grant through our county << Thanks, I had no idea that there

were grants for such things. My Case manager is on her Honeymoon, who else would

I ask? Thanks in advance for any help

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine