Re: Wedding plans

[Guest guest]

Hmm Ruthie, does this im[ly that you are DIFFICULT to deal with and want the

wedding all your own way? Is this why you don't like daughters-in-law?

;-)

Remember that it isn't YOUR wedding anyway, it's Zehava's! They're her and

Moishi's decisions to make!

Anneliese and Toddler Tim

Re: Zehava got engaged! and..the brisket dinner

>

>

> > Congratulations Ruthie to Zehava and Moishi ;o).. I have not had

> time to read any mail here this last week (got 306 in my coffee box)

> but this one caught my eye and I had to write a little congrats ;o)..

> > Lonnie

>

> Thanks Lonnie )

>

> The dinner went *extremely* well, except my hors d'euvres were a bit

> wasted on them! LOL I arranged artistically on a plate: sliced melon,

> flat leaved parsley and dill, chicory leaves, upon which I put rolled

> up smoked salmon and a cherry tomato. I think the most they ate was

> the melon, smoked salmon and maybe a tomato. I threw all the salady

> veg in the dustbin. I thought: OK they don't like salad. But then

> WHY, during the (very popular) main course, did they help themselves

> to salad from the bowl and LEAVE it?!?! LOL !! But they all loved

> the brisket, cabbage and roast potatoes, which went down a treat.

>

> They seem very nice people indeed, and more importantly

> EASY-to-deal-with people, who aren't going to raise any objections or

> make any stipulations on the wedding plans; whatever is good for us,

> suits them too. We are looking at either the 22nd or 29th January or

> somewhere around that date. Mid week weddings are common, we don't do

> Saturdays of course. Tuesdays have a special " karma " of their own,

> and are considered a good day to marry on.

>

> Ruthie

>

[Guest guest]

> Hmm Ruthie, does this im[ly that you are DIFFICULT to deal with and

want the

> wedding all your own way? Is this why you don't like

daughters-in-law?

>

> ;-)

>

> Remember that it isn't YOUR wedding anyway, it's Zehava's! They're

her and

> Moishi's decisions to make!

>

> Anneliese and Toddler Tim

No, we aren't difficult to deal with at all, but one of our earlier in

laws, when we were younger and greener, for example, insisted that

they invite at least 250 people from their side alone, which meant,

that as we were actually PAYING for the wedding, we felt we should at

least match that number, so we ended up with a football crowd of 515

people at a dinner. Other in laws have insisted on other

stipulations, like length of engagement, where it had to be held, or

they have given my daughter no choice as to ring, setting of stone,

etc... we got wiser as we went along and learned how to put our foot

down!

As to it being Zehava and Moishi's wedding, of course it is, and every

decision is deferred to them, but they are far too young to plan a

wedding on their own and wouldn't know where to how to begin.

Ruthie (a bit miffed that you think I am difficult!)

[Guest guest]

I married fairly young, and planned the wedding almost all by myself . Dad

paid (of course), hee hee. But I arranged the church, invitations,

reception, cars, flowers, cake etc., and made the dresses, all in the space

of 10-weeks (we *had* to get married, fast). DH and the in-laws being in

America didn't have much of a say - they were just told when to turn up.

My mum did get a bit stroppy about who to invite - more of her friends

than mine, for example, but she reminded me that she was paying.

I guess if you are old enough to get married and set up a home, hopefully

you are also old enough to pull off the wedding.

Joyce

-----Original Message-----

From: ruthie@... [sMTP:ruthie@...]

As to it being Zehava and Moishi's wedding, of course it is, and every

decision is deferred to them, but they are far too young to plan a

wedding on their own and wouldn't know where to how to begin.

Ruthie (a bit miffed that you think I am difficult!)

[Guest guest]

Is this why you don't like

> daughters-in-law?

I never said I don't like daughters in law.

All I said was they aren't as easy going as sons in law, from my one

experience, although maybe my other two sons' wives might be

different. Leora is lovely, we still love her very much, but she did

have a tendency to take umbrage (sp?) very easily. Her mum is exactly

the same, still really touchy.

I'm getting a bit touchy myself!!

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

<<<As to it being Zehava and Moishi's wedding, of course it is, and every

<decision is deferred to them, but they are far too young to plan a

<wedding on their own and wouldn't know where to how to begin.

<Ruthie (a bit miffed that you think I am difficult!)>>

Ruthie..

I dont think Anneliese thought you where being difficult but perhaps she (like

me) have had someone in her family who was shall we say a little over keen with

the wedding preparations and that way took something away from bride.. (I still

cant look back at my wedding feeling happy about a lot of the stuff my mother

managed to " get in " or shall we say " forget " ) So perhaps some memories came

along that made her feel that way.. (I to must admit that I thought OH don't say

I can do it with my eyes closed as whilst it might be old stuff to you it is -

hopefully- a one off for the bride..)

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

[Guest guest]

I did put a smiley in, Ruthie - but try re-reading your post and see how it

looks! " Oh, I'm so glad that the prospective inlaws won't stop me doing

exactly what I want " is how it comes across...

BTW, most people who arrange weddings have no experience... I certainly

hadn't done one before! How much nous do you need to talk to the religious

officials and select a venue and caterer (OK, you may wish to set budgets

and do the negotiations) and choose the clothes? If you're not grown up

enough to do that you're probably not grown up enough to get married!

Just read Joyce's posting - great minds, eh?

Anneliese and Toddler Tim.

Re: Wedding plans

>

>

> > Hmm Ruthie, does this im[ly that you are DIFFICULT to deal with and

> want the

> > wedding all your own way? Is this why you don't like

> daughters-in-law?

> >

> > ;-)

> >

> > Remember that it isn't YOUR wedding anyway, it's Zehava's! They're

> her and

> > Moishi's decisions to make!

> >

> > Anneliese and Toddler Tim

>

> No, we aren't difficult to deal with at all, but one of our earlier in

> laws, when we were younger and greener, for example, insisted that

> they invite at least 250 people from their side alone, which meant,

> that as we were actually PAYING for the wedding, we felt we should at

> least match that number, so we ended up with a football crowd of 515

> people at a dinner. Other in laws have insisted on other

> stipulations, like length of engagement, where it had to be held, or

> they have given my daughter no choice as to ring, setting of stone,

> etc... we got wiser as we went along and learned how to put our foot

> down!

>

> As to it being Zehava and Moishi's wedding, of course it is, and every

> decision is deferred to them, but they are far too young to plan a

> wedding on their own and wouldn't know where to how to begin.

>

> Ruthie (a bit miffed that you think I am difficult!)

>

>

[Guest guest]

> <<<As to it being Zehava and Moishi's wedding, of course it is, and

every <decision is deferred to them, but they are far too young to

plan a

> <wedding on their own and wouldn't know where to how to begin.

> <Ruthie (a bit miffed that you think I am difficult!)>>

>

> Ruthie..

> I dont think Anneliese thought you where being difficult but perhaps

she (like me) have had someone in her family who was shall we say a

little over keen with the wedding preparations and that way took

something away from bride.. (I still cant look back at my wedding

feeling happy about a lot of the stuff my mother managed to " get in "

or shall we say " forget " ) So perhaps some memories came along that

made her feel that way.. (I to must admit that I thought OH don't say

I can do it with my eyes closed as whilst it might be old stuff to you

it is - hopefully- a one off for the bride..)

Yea you are right about it being her only wedding (we hope!) I wasn't

planning on making a conveyor belt wedding for her, only that I don't

have quite the same panic level as I did first time around.

I don't think any of my kids have felt bulldozed into anything for

their weddings that they didn't want, or prevented from having

anything they did want. But I do understand where you are coming

from.

She was so happy tonight and looked so radiant. She wore a dress she

had made for Tavya's wedding; it was a last minute decision after

putting on the austere black suit she had thought to wear and changed

her mind. Loads of people came to the reception, and we were on our

feet from 8 pm. till after 11. Shattered. Talk more tomorrow.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

> I did put a smiley in, Ruthie - but try re-reading your post and see

how it

> looks! " Oh, I'm so glad that the prospective inlaws won't stop me

doing

> exactly what I want " is how it comes across...

I cetainly didn't mean that If you knew some of the unreasonable

demands some of our earlier in laws had made on us, you'd understand

our appreciation of easy going ones. As I have said before, we have

had inlaws who, despite the fact that we are paying have INSISTED on

inviting several hundred guests for the dinner, and refused to cut

down to a more reasonable number.

We don't lay down the law, we always ask what they'd like/prefer/want

and if they say " we don't mind, it's all the same to us, " and mean it,

then we can suggest the most practical solution which has worked

before.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

Lonnie, do you really think anyone would DARE tell me how to run my own

wedding? :-) Had my mother been alive she would have said it was up to us -

she more or less told my sister to do hers all herself! My MIL is terrified

of me, but then she's terrified of everyone - it's certainly not a MIL/DIL

thing.

Re. DILs, I think the problem almost invariably comes from the MIL. As my

mum used to say, when women talk about their daughters, they say " my

daughter did x, my daughter's doing y " ; when they talk about their sons it's

in reverent and sonorous tones : " My *SON* " (sorry can't really reproduce

the tone of this but not unlike Lady Bracknell but awed instead of

disparaging).

No one is ever good enough for a mother's son, whereas most mothers of

daughters are really pleased to get the daughter's hormones out of their

house!

That's how it works for a lot of my friends and relatives, anyway.

Anneliese and Toddler Tim

Re: Re: Wedding plans

<<<As to it being Zehava and Moishi's wedding, of course it is, and every

<decision is deferred to them, but they are far too young to plan a

<wedding on their own and wouldn't know where to how to begin.

<Ruthie (a bit miffed that you think I am difficult!)>>

Ruthie..

I dont think Anneliese thought you where being difficult but perhaps she

(like me) have had someone in her family who was shall we say a little over

keen with the wedding preparations and that way took something away from

bride.. (I still cant look back at my wedding feeling happy about a lot of

the stuff my mother managed to " get in " or shall we say " forget " ) So

perhaps some memories came along that made her feel that way.. (I to must

admit that I thought OH don't say I can do it with my eyes closed as whilst

it might be old stuff to you it is - hopefully- a one off for the bride..)

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what

you start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

[Guest guest]

<<<Lonnie, do you really think anyone would DARE tell me how to run my own

wedding? :-) Had my mother been alive she would have said it was up to us -

she more or less told my sister to do hers all herself!>>>

LOL Anneliese

My mother did not tell me how to run my wedding either.. But she " forgot " to

tell the caterer that we wanted garlic in the lamb and forgot to buy garlic to

put into the cinnamon and garlic marinated carrots (she doesn't like garlic) Her

excuse was It tasted nice..... She also instructed the waitress's to not put

more than 1/2 a glass of champagne into the glasses for the toast (we where

paying) and she changed the flower scheme I had ordered without telling me.. Do

you get my drift??

Oh the day before our wedding she actually tried to talk me into not putting the

tartan wrap that was part of my wedding dress on as she did not like the idea

that I was not wearing just white.. (it was a Fletcher tartan) I put my foot

down.. lol I also did something in the run up that I have NEVER done.. My

parents divorced when I was 5.5 and I have never actually played one out towards

the other to gain myself but I did here when my mother decided that we should

hire the person to play " music " ( " " used deliberately - music it was not) who

had played at her 50th birthday as she could get him cheap.. So I rang my dad

and said DADDY..... mum wants to hire this guy and all he said was . Leave it

with me and within 48 hours we had another musician that he had sorted for us..

I think the whole thing was extra hasslefull as we got married in Denmark coming

from here so certain things had to be sorted from Denmark..

I have promised myself that one day dh and I will have a renewal of our wows

WITHOUT ANY of our family there. Just friends and then I know that I will get

the wedding that I wanted ;o).. I have also promised myself that when Phoebe and

Eloisa comes to get married then it will happen THEIR way..

But actually I was not suggesting that anyone would dare telling YOU personally

I think most of us know of a bride where the family took over completely and she

ended up with stuff she didn't like

I know of a bride where the mother asked 2 girls to be bridesmaids without

telling the bride as she knew she didn't like the girls but " mummy " knew best

and it was " only proper " to have them as brides maids

Another bride had her mother change her wedding flowers without her knowing

and a close friends mum changed the MENU from vegetarian to with meat and fish

(not ONE veggie dish) because she was not a vegetarian and it was just a silly

idea her daughter and sil to be had at the moment and it would pass (14 years

down the lane and both are still veggie)... Oh and she changed the sparkling

wine to appletise (my friend does not drink much but wanted something a little

festive for the toast so wanted sparkling wine and forgot to get a proper glass

for the bride so she is standing there with a pint glass filled with appletise)

I am sure others can add to this one ;o)

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

[Guest guest]

(long message about mothers and weddings! - all very familiar!)

My mum was pretty good considering that she is a very dominant

type. *BUT* the money was my dads that he had put into a

house of mine that I had just sold - therefore although I was

writing out all the cheques it was technically him that was

hosting.

We only had a couple of guests that were their friends that had to

come (and I didn't know at all) and there were about 15 more

from my side than ce's (but then I have tons more

relatives than he has anyway). It sort of muddled along

somehow - noone disagreed with my colour scheme (my mum

reckoned that having spent 5 years at Art college I would be

pretty immoveable on that!) - all the catering/wines etc were Lau

and I's choice and we were all talking to one another by the day

of the event!!!

I suppose it helped that both of us were 27, had lived seprately

and together as a couple and are fairly easy going.

RE: renewing wedding vows - we are hoping to combine our

10th Anniversary (on the Queens Golden Jubilee week) with a

Baby naming - one way to get a big party over with in one go!

(probably won't manage a proper church event as ou church is

being totally renovated from next March for at least a year)

Caroline

[Guest guest]

My MIL is a real Sweetie. At our wedding (1/6/85), she insisted on

getting up and delivering a speech welcoming me into the family and

saying she hadn`t had a DIL before but was looking forward to it. Both

my mum and MIL had a private word with DH that day and told him to look

after me! :-)

`s sisters are v close as there is 2 yrs (less 2 days) between them

( came along a lot later) so they will will always be closer to each

other than to him. But my b/d is close to the sisters` bday, & there is

always a family party around then, and I get included in the celebration

too. Can`t complain!

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Martha,

I wish you and Tim nothing but years and years of happieness!! Can

we put up a picture of you two on your wedding day on the home page?

>

>

> Hi everyone,

> Tim and I had hoped to attend the Kaiser South San Francisco

meeting the day before our wedding (the meeting is Saturday, June

17) but too many things are coming together that day, and we will

not be able to attend the meeting. We are so appreciative of all

your support, kindness, and good humor all these years. We will be

there in July--I really, REALLY need to see you all, and weigh in!

> Love,

> Martha

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah the day is almost here!! Congratulations to two of the best

people Ive ever met!!

>

>

> Hi everyone,

> Tim and I had hoped to attend the Kaiser South San Francisco meeting

the day before our wedding (the meeting is Saturday, June 17) but too

many things are coming together that day, and we will not be able to

attend the meeting. We are so appreciative of all your support,

kindness, and good humor all these years. We will be there in July--I

really, REALLY need to see you all, and weigh in!

> Love,

> Martha

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Martha,

It was so good to see both you and Tim recently. You seem so great

together.

I am sure that your years together will be a fascinating and wonderful

journey.

All the best,

Kay (in San Leandro)

M. Silverspring wrote:

Wedding plans

Hi everyone,

Tim and I had hoped to attend the Kaiser South San Francisco meeting

the day before our wedding (the meeting is Saturday, June 17) but too

many things are coming together that day, and we will not be able to

attend the meeting. We are so appreciative of all your support,

kindness, and good humor all these years. We will be there in July--I

really, REALLY need to see you all, and weigh in!

Love,

Martha