care for a glimpse inside an AS brain when routines get disrupted?

[Guest guest]

As you know, everyone on earth except a psychiatrist has dx'd me with

asperger's. Diagnostic tools dx me with asperger's, as do online quizzes that

aren't even primarily designed to screen asperger's...

This week, as also you know, has been insane. As I wrote to a yesterday,

I adhere to a fairly rigid and unchanging weekly schedule. I know when I

grocery shop, when I vaccuum, when I do laundry, when I run errands. My days

are split into time chunks, and I often use a timer to separate the hours. I

even use a timer so I switch laundry from one machine to another at the right

time with no machine sitting idle.

Well, this week, my schedule had to be thrown out the window. I had to go get

my parents' dog. Then I had to wait around the next day for them to get him.

Marc is on midnights so I couldn't vaccuum. I didn't get the groceries done on

time. Laundry piled up. The stress and fatigue caused my fibro to flare up in

the worst way, and one of my finger joints swelled to twice its size with a new

growth of arthritis.

Last night I was on the phone with my mom, doing a rapid cycle between

angry/despondent/confused/manic/giggly/enraged. Then I screamed, " Why am I like

this? I was GLAD to pick up the dog! I was GLAD to help! I'd do it again! "

My mom said, " Jacquie, I know you. I know you were glad to do it, but honey --

you have your routines and when things don't go as you expect them to, you

completely stop functioning. You always have. " <wham of a cannon> Then, being

an amazing mom who raised me without having any idea what asperger's was, she

said, " It's almost the weekend. You can reset everything on the weekend. This

week will be over, and you can start fresh in your groove on Saturday morning. "

I love my mommy. She knows just what to say. :-)

Anyway, so that's why I've not been around. I'm a spectrum child whose

routine has been disrupted, and I just couldn't take it!

Jacquie