Housekeeping rules for the domestically challenged

[Guest guest]

Tee Hee - please don't visit me in Jersey - I follow these rules!!

Caroline

Domestically challenged!

TEN RULES OF HOUSEKEEPING

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this

with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone

mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when

disturbed. Rename the area under the couch " The Galapagos

Islands " and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a

helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it

an SPFfactor of 5 and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the

glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If

your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting,

simply look affronted and exclaim, " What? And spoil the mood? "

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower

of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair

provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby

reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the

doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing

handsewn play animals for underprivileged children

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything

unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your

guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously,

fake a growl and say, " I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates

to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive. "

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy

urn on the coffee table and insist that " THIS is where Grandma

wanted us to scatter her ashes... "

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty

wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of

tears as you say, " Junior did this the week before that

unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it... "

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner

with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave

dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an

exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, " I clean

and I clean and I still don't get anywhere... "

Germain

Jersey

British Channel Islands

49º11'30 " N

02º06'12 " W

WGS84