Re: Long offload..sorry.

[Guest guest]

> Ruthie,

>

> You wrote that there was a core of truth in the criticisms this

> person made about you. It's always very painful (well it is for me -

> I've had my share of 'helpful' emails, though not in association

with

> this list) when people write stuff that you feel has a grain of

truth

> because you can't just mentally dump the whole lot in the bin. But

> sometimes that's still where this kind of stuff deserves to go.

Dunno

> about you but I prefer to get pointers about my behaviour from

people

> who care about me and don't get a kick out of telling me.

>

> I was reflecting on this and have concluded that we like apples

> because they are tasty, juicy and good for us - stuff the cores!

>

> Looking forward to lots more of the tasty, juicy and good for us

stuff Ruthie!

>

> And enjoy the Big Apple.

>

> Hugs,

> --

>

> jennifer@v...

> Vaudin

I am feeling rather weepy today anyway, for reasons I will say in a

mo' but your lovely email just brought the tears spilling, thank you

*HUG* and everyone else who has been so nice.

Basically:

1. I am feeling rotten. Lingering sore throat and cough, Doc's visit

and blood test proved I was fine. Taking all the usual remedies, just

got some herbal stuff Echanasia or something? meant to boost immune

system.

2. This mail upset me obviously.

3. Yeshaya manages to press my buttons from 3000 miles. First he had

his mobile stolen. I offered to get his old one unblocked and send it

out with Zehava when she goes, he said no. I couldn't understand why,

as I knew him, losing his mobile was like having a limb amputated.

Then last night he phoned me (was it after or before the horrid mail?

I don't know, the incidents just merged into a blur, and we were going

out to *three* pop in and out parties, plus I feel most rotten in the

evenings. He said that his flatmates were all leaving, the

replacement ones were horrible, he wanted to move flats, but there was

nothing available, so...(the coup de grace) can he move into our

house?

I said NO WAY. We told him upfront from the very beginning that our

house was offlimits except for very restricted use, it was NOT to be

used as a substitute student dorm. He would never integrate into

yeshivah life if he was lording it in a luxury home while everyone

else dossed down in squalid rooms. This was *besides* the very likely

mess and damage done with one or more boys sleeping in our house long

term.

He argued the hind legs off a donkey, I remained adamant. He hung up,

obviously most miffed with me.

When he called next, it was to ask for his sisters' phone numbers

(they had been keyed into his mobile.) Again I asked him if he wanted

a replacement mobile and he said no.

I phoned Rabbi M's wife this morning and told her what was going on,

both with the accommodation, and the phone, and said it was most

unlike him to keep refusing a replacement, and I hoped he wasn't

sinking into depression. She promised me she would look into it, but

she was making a Barmitzvah this weekend.

After I hung up I suddenly realised. Mrs. M is making a Barmitzvah

this weekend and I didn't even wish her Mazeltov, I was too wrapped up

in my problems with Yeshaya. That's what I mean about the horrid

email having a core of truth. I *am* self obsessed, I totally

overlooked Mrs. M's celebrations. I called her back at once and

begged her forgiveness, and congratulated her.

Later Yeshaya phoned me. He said due to the Rabbi's Barmitzvah, all

the boys had to find their own solution this Sabbath, he had been

expecting it to be an " in " Sabbath, with food provided. I said he

should call one of his sisters and invite himself. He said he

couldn't POSSIBLY, it was much too short notice (2.5 hrs.) I said

don't be silly, you are only one person, and it won't be any trouble

for them etc etc but he wouldn't budge. He kept saying things like

" you don't understand anything. I can't talk to you. " (I think he

wanted to punish me by making me think of him unsorted for Sabbath.)

I suggested all kinds of alternatives like inviting himself to a

neighbour of ours near our house, a good friend who has often said he

should just come for meals on Sabbath...he said " whatever. I'll just

speak to one of the guys, see what they're doing, see if I can tag

along.. " etc etc.

Then I asked him outright why he doesn't want a replacement mobile. I

said it would be good for us to be able to keep in touch with him,

maks sure he's OK. He said: " that's exactly why. you never phone me

on my mobile anyway. "

I was gobsmacked. When he first went to yeshivah, and got his Israeli

sim card, I phoned his mobile a few times, but was made to feel like a

nuisance. It was never a good time. Either he had friends round, or

he was playing football, or studying. So I gave up, and thought " OK

he will phone ME when he is free and ready to talk. "

Anyway I found myself pleading with him for the privilege of allowing

me to send him a replacement mobile. Am I stupid or what. In the end,

grudgingly His Lordship agreed.

I hung up feeling miserable, and phoned Dov (my wonderful SIL, Tavya's

husband.) Dov heard my outburst then said " Of COURSE Yeshaya will

come to us for Sabbath. I'll go to his flat and find him. " (NB it's

not in the same area of Jerusalem and Dov has no car.) He also said

he'd talk to him about everything when he had a chance.

Next I heard, Dov phoned again. " I'm standing outside Yeshaya's flat,

he's just in the shower then he's coming to us for Sabbath. When we

have time and are relaxed, I'll get on his back about everything you

have told me. "

God bless you Dov. I love you, and Tavya, and all my kids. On

occasions like these I am so grateful to have such wonderful children

I can turn to.

I just hope Dov makes Yeshaya see sense.

Thanks for listening to my self obsessed rant.

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

> Thanks for listening to my self obsessed rant.

>

> Ruthie

Not a rant, Ruthie, just a good old offload to friends who *do* care -

it all sounds pretty awful and I'm worried that *you* could be

getting very depressed, never mind dear son - do keep talking to

others who can help, and try not to worry too much. What does DH

say - can he help you to feel any better about all this?

Ruth