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Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just hate

taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it. I

want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

I don't know what to do.

We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my hair

out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I have

anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a lot

of pain with the fibro this last week too.

I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am just

existing.

Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for listening.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

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OK, Tamara you have to get back to your med. I am taking it too and so

what? It worlks that's all that matters. I tried to stop taken it too, I

was on Luvox before had some awful side effects (weight gain, etc) and I

swicht to prozac and I am doing great.

Maybe you need to change to other med.

Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

Lovely husband

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-----Mensaje original-----

De: tamara laskowski

Enviado el: Domingo, 11 de Mayo de 2003 10:44 p.m.

Para: parenting_autism

Asunto: Depression.......

Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just

hate

taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it.

I

want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

I don't know what to do.

We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my

hair

out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I

have

anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a

lot

of pain with the fibro this last week too.

I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am

just

existing.

Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for

listening.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

_________________________________________________________________

Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

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Hey Katrina,

Can you take Xanax and Depakote at the same time? I'm supposed to take Xanax

at bedtime, but since I started the Depakote, I haven't.

ellen

Depression.......

>Date: Sun, 11 May 2003 22:43:57 -0500

>

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What ellen said.

Sissi

> Tamara, I don't have any advice except PLEASE take your Prozac. It's not

> any different than diabetic needing insulin, etc. All I can say is that

> I've been there, and if I could be there to have a cup of coffee with you,

I

> would.

>

> {{{{{{Tamara}}}}}}}

>

> ellen

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In a message dated 5/11/03 11:46:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

tamara_b73@... writes:

> I stopped my prozac again.

Tamara

Have you tried asking for something different? I'm so sorry about Ebony. I

don't know how to help except to try and do something that has nothing to do

with kids, autism or money. Doesn't leave alot left does it? My best friend

and I spent 2 1/2 hours wandering around ToyRUs the other day and buying

nothing. It's hard being a ghost.

Hugs

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In a message dated 5/11/03 11:46:10 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

tamara_b73@... writes:

> Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for listening.

>

> Tamara

>

Tamara we have no great words of wisdom but please know we truly care.

The Grammas & Keion

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Thanks Cecilia. I just keep thinking that I will be able to do this without

meds. I have tried several others and this one works best for the moods. I

just don't like the " sexual side effects " . Nor does my husband. So I keep

trying to go off it. Then, of course, right now I have no money to get a

refill on the prescription. So it will have to wait until Friday. Maybe by

then I wll know about the house and will feel better? I doubt it, but you

never know.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>Subject: RE: Depression.......

>Date: Sun, 11 May 2003 23:01:59 -0500

>

>OK, Tamara you have to get back to your med. I am taking it too and so

>what? It worlks that's all that matters. I tried to stop taken it too, I

>was on Luvox before had some awful side effects (weight gain, etc) and I

>swicht to prozac and I am doing great.

>

>Maybe you need to change to other med.

>

>

>Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

>

>Lovely husband

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _____

>

>I've stopped 56 spam messages. You can too!

>Get your free, safe spam protection at www.cloudmark.com

><http://www.cloudmark.com/spamnet?v1>

> <http://www.cloudmark.com/> Cloudmark SpamNet - Join the fight against

>spam!

>

>

>-----Mensaje original-----

>De: tamara laskowski

>Enviado el: Domingo, 11 de Mayo de 2003 10:44 p.m.

>Para: parenting_autism

>Asunto: Depression.......

>

>

>

>

>Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

>

>tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just

>hate

>taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it.

>I

>want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

>

>I don't know what to do.

>

>We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my

>hair

>out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

>checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I

>have

>anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a

>lot

>of pain with the fibro this last week too.

>

>I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am

>just

>existing.

>

>Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for

>listening.

>

>Tamara

>mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

>and , 2, polish (lol)

>wife to Terry

>

>_________________________________________________________________

>Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

>http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963

>

>

>

>

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Hey . The side effect I am referring to is the " sexual " side effects.

Not wanting or enjoying good old fashioned sex. I hate that part of it.

Yes the doc knows and she says that yes this is a side effect of prozac.

Nothing much to do about it. We have tried other meds and this one works

best for my moods.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>Subject: Re: Depression.......

>Date: Sun, 11 May 2003 23:57:54 -0400

>

> > I hate the side effects <

>

>what kind of side effects are you having? does the dr know? does s/he know

>you stopped the meds? maybe you need something else?

>i know we've talked about this before, but i'm gonna say it again. there is

>no shame in needing medication to get through life. but you need something

>that's gonna work and not make you even more miserable.

>

>(((tamara)))

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What is today, but yesterday's tomorrow - Mr. Krabs

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>gina, 31, ny

>single mom to -

>kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

>trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

>parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

>

>

>

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Thanks Katrina. :)

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: parenting_autism

>Subject: Re: Depression.......

>Date: Sun, 11 May 2003 22:50:37 -0500

>

>I SOOOOOO understand about not wanting to be dependent upo n medicine. I

>still don't have a diagnosis - but they are bordering between BiPolar,

>Borderline Personality, and Dissosociative Disorder. IN any case I am

>supposed to be on Depakote and Prozac as well as Xanax - and oh man could I

>go on forver about why I don't want to be on them - how easy it is to

>forget, and so on and so on....

>But I cannot function without it - and that much I do understand. So maybe

>that is the first step?

>We'll see,

>katrina

>

>

>

><html><DIV><STRONG><FONT color=#006666><A

>href= " mailto:KatMoody@... " >KatMoody@...</A></FONT></STRONG></DIV>

><DIV><STRONG><EM><FONT color=#006666>wife to Jim and Mommy to & nbsp;Bobby

>and

>Andy</FONT></EM></STRONG></DIV>

><DIV><EM><FONT face= " Times New Roman, Times, Serif " color=#0033cc> " The Lord

>is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I

>will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. " & nbsp;

>--Psalm 18:2</FONT></EM></DIV></html>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> >Reply-To: parenting_autism

> >To: parenting_autism

> >Subject: Depression.......

> >Date: Sun, 11 May 2003 22:43:57 -0500

> >

>

>_________________________________________________________________

>The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*

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>

>

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Thanks Ellen. I'm not really ashamed of taking the meds. I just don't

care to. Does that make sense? If I don't feel better by Friday when we

get paid, I will order a refill. Thanks though.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>Subject: RE: Depression.......

>Date: Sun, 11 May 2003 20:49:19 -0700

>

>Tamara, I don't have any advice except PLEASE take your Prozac. It's not

>any different than diabetic needing insulin, etc. All I can say is that

>I've been there, and if I could be there to have a cup of coffee with you,

>I

>would.

>

>{{{{{{Tamara}}}}}}}

>

>ellen

>

>

>

> Depression.......

>

>

>

>

> Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

> tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just

>hate

> taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it.

>I

> want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

>

> I don't know what to do.

>

> We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my

>hair

> out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

> checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I

>have

> anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a

>lot

> of pain with the fibro this last week too.

>

> I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am

>just

> existing.

>

> Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for

>listening.

>

> Tamara

> mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

> and , 2, polish (lol)

> wife to Terry

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

> http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963

>

>

>

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Hey Tamara..I haven't had a chance to read the other replies, but I am going to

tell you what my doc told me and hope that it helps..it certainly gave me a new

perspective on it at least....

OK, my family are among those that think all <whisper> " mental issues " are just

all in your head, that you should just keep quiet about them and deal with

it..keep it to yourself and tell noone...my doc knew my family was like this. I

tried more times than I could count to stop taking the meds for my depression

and panic attack and always wound up so deep in the dumps or in the hospital.

Like you I HATED having to take meds to function " normally " , but I had the

mindset of my family(though I thought I didn't) finally on my last hospital

visit when they all had to but knock my butt out to calm me down my doc had me

in his office the next day..the rest is a pretty much direct quote from him of

our conversation:

Tell me, if you had diabetes would you take insulin to save your life?(me..yes).

If you had thyroid trouble would you take medication to control it so you

wouldn't wind up having surgery down the road and possibly die from it (me, yes

again) If you have a headache do you take something for it(yes again) Do you

take medicine when you have the flu(well, yes) When you have an infected tooth(I

have lots of teeth problems and he knows it) do you call the dentist, get

antibiotics and have it pulled and take pain meds? (well, yes sir, but..) No

buts, you will do everything else to keep yourself in good health and with no

pain but you won't take this medicine( but doc I don't want to take med for the

rest of my life...to be normal) But you said you would take insulin to save your

life(but that is different..) THERE is your key word right there, no it is

NOT...just like you would take insulin because your body isn't making it, and

you want to live, you are NOT making the chemicals you need to not be depressed

and to not be able to control anxiety..there is NO difference...lack of insulin

is a problem with your body, this a problem with your body..you make the

decision on how you want to live your life or NOT live you life. Are you going

to allow your doubt and " I don't likes " to control and possibly END your life.

It is all the same, it is something you NEED to function, no less than a

medication to save your life, which you made clear that you would do....

And he is right, if you would take insulin or whatever you needed to keep your

body alive, why would you think less of your mental health. If your mental

health is not sound how in the heck do you expect the rest of your body to keep

itself sound and healthy as well?

Hugs to you..I have been where you are and I know it is no fun!! Please hang in

there and talk to your doc about it..maybe a change of med would help with the

side effect issues. I started this road almost 10 years ago now. With the

anxiety it took a solid 6 months to find something to control it..during that

time I couldn't even eat, drink or half the time even move. It has taken years

to find the right depression med with the least side effects that works for me

and in the last 2 months we figured out the bipolar(which no doc had even

thought of before) and now even that is under control (though it looks like we

will be moving the dosage up) BUT the difference it makes is great. I still have

days where I HATE the thought of taking this for the rest of my life..when I

have those days I think of how my depression and anxiety not only makes me feel,

but what my CHILDREN have to see when I am not taking it. I do NOT want to look

back when they are grown, nor do I want them to look back when grown and have

them remember a mom who felt only half there since she was so depressed or

remember with fear a mom crying and moaning because of a panic attack. I already

have to remember seeing the fear on their little faces from it and I will NOT

see it again. You need to do it for you, but if you can't make yourself do that

right now please do it for them...let the memories be good ones

Hugs again and know that all of us are always here when you need us!!!!

Missy

Depression.......

Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just hate

taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it. I

want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

I don't know what to do.

We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my hair

out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I have

anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a lot

of pain with the fibro this last week too.

I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am just

existing.

Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for listening.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

_________________________________________________________________

Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

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Thanks. That does help. Just to know there are people out there for me.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>From: trudynme@...

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: parenting_autism

>Subject: Re: Depression.......

>Date: Mon, 12 May 2003 07:05:49 EDT

>

>In a message dated 5/11/03 11:46:10 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

>tamara_b73@... writes:

>

>

> > Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for

>listening.

> >

> > Tamara

> >

>

>Tamara we have no great words of wisdom but please know we truly care.

>

>The Grammas & Keion

>

>

>

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> Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

> tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just hate

> taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it. I

> want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

>

I understand what you mean about the sexual side effects. Unfortunately,

I'm still contending with those. It's frustrating and saddening. But

without the meds, and in a deep depression, who feels like having sex

anyway? It's a double-edged sword. :-(

I also understand what you mean about hating the need to take the meds. I

struggled with that for a long time. I SO wanted to be 'normal' and

resented the fact that I had to take medication to make me socially

acceptable. But as much as I resent them, the meds help me live in the

world much more peacefully, and in the end that outweighs the anger and the

resentment.

> I don't know what to do.

Talk to your dr about a med switch. Prozac is not the only drug out there,

and it's not even one of the best any longer. See about switching from an

SSRI like prozac to a different family of drugs - Manerix is in a different

class, as is Effexor. So many drs make the mistake of just switching from

one SSRI to another, instead of moving to a whole different classification

of antidepressant, which is sometimes they key to the whole thing.

>

> We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my

hair

> out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

> checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I have

> anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a lot

> of pain with the fibro this last week too.

The pain of fibro, in my experience, only triples the effect of depression.

NOTHING can make you feel less in control of your life than being at the

mercy of a body that hates you, pains you, and won't do what you want it to.

(((hugs)))

>

> I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am

just

> existing.

Oh, sweetie, that is soooo much depression. I ache for you. Please talk to

your doc about switching meds in a drastic shift.

Jacquie

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Awwwwwwww! I wish I could help. I am sorry you hate being on the meds. I really

do too. I want to be normal and feel normal on my own. I am not on meds right

now but I have had to use them a couple of times. It makes me feel like a

failure. Now I don't think this way about anyone who takes them its just how I

feel about myself when I take them. Twisted I know. But we dont live lives that

are anywhere near normal so why would I even think I should be able to live and

feel normal? I hope things get better.

Jacquie H

Depression.......

Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just hate

taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it. I

want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

I don't know what to do.

We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my hair

out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I have

anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a lot

of pain with the fibro this last week too.

I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am just

existing.

Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for listening.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

_________________________________________________________________

Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online

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((((Tamara))))

Sorry things are seeming so out of control for you right now. You really

shouldn't stop taking your meds without a doctor overseeing it. If you keep

having side effects from the Prozac, ask him to let you try something

different. I take Effexor and feel perfectly normal taking it. The only

time I had side effects was during the first couple days, then they were

gone. Before I started it, I felt much like you describe that you feel now.

Hang in there, good things will come soon!

Sue

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I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here.

I am just

> existing.

>

> Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for

listening.

>

> Tamara

(((((((((Tamara)))))))))))))

wish i knew what to say....im so

sorry your feeling so down.

nancy :(

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Ugh. I hated that side effect of prozac as well. It is very hard to

cope with--fortunately, prozac wasn't particularly effective for me so I

was able to do without it. But wow, the libido returned with a

vengeance. 's lucky he's still an only child. :)

Maggie

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LOL. What did you find that worked better for you that didn't have that

side effect? Just curious if I have tried it or not. I've tried quite a

few already. Thanks

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>From: autumnindigo@...

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: parenting_autism

>Subject: Re: Depression.......

>Date: Mon, 12 May 2003 14:40:28 -0400

>

>Ugh. I hated that side effect of prozac as well. It is very hard to

>cope with--fortunately, prozac wasn't particularly effective for me so I

>was able to do without it. But wow, the libido returned with a

>vengeance. 's lucky he's still an only child. :)

>

>Maggie

>

>________________________________________________________________

>The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

>Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

>Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

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Thanks Sue. I think I will make an appointment to talk about other meds.

It is just such a stress on our marriage with the Prozac.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>Subject: Re: Depression.......

>Date: Mon, 12 May 2003 12:42:03 -0400

>

>((((Tamara))))

>

>Sorry things are seeming so out of control for you right now. You really

>shouldn't stop taking your meds without a doctor overseeing it. If you

>keep

>having side effects from the Prozac, ask him to let you try something

>different. I take Effexor and feel perfectly normal taking it. The only

>time I had side effects was during the first couple days, then they were

>gone. Before I started it, I felt much like you describe that you feel

>now.

>Hang in there, good things will come soon!

>

>Sue

>

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Remeron worked much better for me, but it causes weight gain, which I

DON'T need. Not everyone has that side effect, though. Remeron also

helped me sleep better at night too. Now I don't take any

anti-depressants, just depakote for mania. I hope this helps.

Maggie

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I hear you. I really do. I am going to give this another try and am

thinking about asking the doc for some other suggestions. I have talked to

her about the side effects and she seems to think it is an either or thing.

Basically, I just have to deal with it. Thanks for the pep talk! I am

feeling a bit better today. Trying to take control of my life back. Little

things, but hey....whatever works, right?

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>Subject: Re: Depression.......

>Date: Mon, 12 May 2003 08:26:50 -0500

>

>Hey Tamara..I haven't had a chance to read the other replies, but I am

>going to tell you what my doc told me and hope that it helps..it certainly

>gave me a new perspective on it at least....

>OK, my family are among those that think all <whisper> " mental issues " are

>just all in your head, that you should just keep quiet about them and deal

>with it..keep it to yourself and tell noone...my doc knew my family was

>like this. I tried more times than I could count to stop taking the meds

>for my depression and panic attack and always wound up so deep in the dumps

>or in the hospital. Like you I HATED having to take meds to function

> " normally " , but I had the mindset of my family(though I thought I didn't)

>finally on my last hospital visit when they all had to but knock my butt

>out to calm me down my doc had me in his office the next day..the rest is a

>pretty much direct quote from him of our conversation:

>Tell me, if you had diabetes would you take insulin to save your

>life?(me..yes). If you had thyroid trouble would you take medication to

>control it so you wouldn't wind up having surgery down the road and

>possibly die from it (me, yes again) If you have a headache do you take

>something for it(yes again) Do you take medicine when you have the

>flu(well, yes) When you have an infected tooth(I have lots of teeth

>problems and he knows it) do you call the dentist, get antibiotics and have

> it pulled and take pain meds? (well, yes sir, but..) No buts, you will do

>everything else to keep yourself in good health and with no pain but you

>won't take this medicine( but doc I don't want to take med for the rest of

>my life...to be normal) But you said you would take insulin to save your

>life(but that is different..) THERE is your key word right there, no it is

>NOT...just like you would take insulin because your body isn't making it,

>and you want to live, you are NOT making the chemicals you need to not be

>depressed and to not be able to control anxiety..there is NO

>difference...lack of insulin is a problem with your body, this a problem

>with your body..you make the decision on how you want to live your life or

>NOT live you life. Are you going to allow your doubt and " I don't likes " to

>control and possibly END your life. It is all the same, it is something you

>NEED to function, no less than a medication to save your life, which you

>made clear that you would do....

>And he is right, if you would take insulin or whatever you needed to keep

>your body alive, why would you think less of your mental health. If your

>mental health is not sound how in the heck do you expect the rest of your

>body to keep itself sound and healthy as well?

>Hugs to you..I have been where you are and I know it is no fun!! Please

>hang in there and talk to your doc about it..maybe a change of med would

>help with the side effect issues. I started this road almost 10 years ago

>now. With the anxiety it took a solid 6 months to find something to control

>it..during that time I couldn't even eat, drink or half the time even move.

>It has taken years to find the right depression med with the least side

>effects that works for me and in the last 2 months we figured out the

>bipolar(which no doc had even thought of before) and now even that is under

>control (though it looks like we will be moving the dosage up) BUT the

>difference it makes is great. I still have days where I HATE the thought of

>taking this for the rest of my life..when I have those days I think of how

>my depression and anxiety not only makes me feel, but what my CHILDREN have

>to see when I am not taking it. I do NOT want to look back when they are

>grown, nor do I want them to look back when grown and have them remember a

>mom who felt only half there since she was so depressed or remember with

>fear a mom crying and moaning because of a panic attack. I already have to

>remember seeing the fear on their little faces from it and I will NOT see

>it again. You need to do it for you, but if you can't make yourself do that

>right now please do it for them...let the memories be good ones

>Hugs again and know that all of us are always here when you need us!!!!

>Missy

> Depression.......

>

>

>

>

> Really sucks! I am deep into a funk right now. Today, I was in or near

> tears so many times I lost count. I stopped my prozac again. I just

>hate

> taking it. I hate the side effects and I hate having to depend on it.

>I

> want to be able to deal with my life without drugs. :(

>

> I don't know what to do.

>

> We still haven't heard yay or nay on the house. I am about to pull my

>hair

> out about it. Ebony is smearing poo again. We are overdrawn in the

> checkbook...by a LOT! I feel so out of control. I don't feel like I

>have

> anything to say about what is happening in my own life. I am having a

>lot

> of pain with the fibro this last week too.

>

> I feel sad. But I feel detached too. Like I am not really here. I am

>just

> existing.

>

> Sorry for the vent, but I know you guys won't mind. Thanks for

>listening.

>

> Tamara

> mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

> and , 2, polish (lol)

> wife to Terry

>

> _________________________________________________________________

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>

>

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