Guest guest Posted May 12, 2003 Report Share Posted May 12, 2003 What you posted was exactly what I was meaning. Not that there aren't special moments you can't have, just one of the many things some of us might grieve about not having an NT child. Zach screamed all through his second birthday. All the grandmas and grandpas invading his space, it was really awful. I don't know how it's going to end up with him. I must say he did wonderful with all the loud giddy girls in the house. If they got too close to him he waved bye to them...which in Zach language means YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. I wonder if he will go to regular school, if he'll make friends, if he'll want friends. My brain says it would be a lot cheaper and easier if I didn't have to plan a party the way I do with Alyx. Right now I'm just thrilled he'll let people in the house without freaking out! > > What I do is look for other " moments " ...just as valid, just as > wonderful, like this one: > > In February, I was looking for ...and I called out, " Where's > ? " Now, this was directed at the other kids, as is not > one to respond to such things...but suddenly I heard a cheerful, " Hee > I am! " > > I have not heard those words come out of ' mouth since he was > four. How wonderful! > That's better than any birthday party...trust me. :-) I know what you mean friend, I really do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2003 Report Share Posted May 12, 2003 >>I wonder if he will go to regular school, if he'll make friends, if he'll want friends. << I worry about these same things every day. I hope the answer is yes to all of these. Warm Regards Mom to ASD 11/25/00 & 5/10/99 In Maine Re: Priceless *Raena What you posted was exactly what I was meaning. Not that there aren't special moments you can't have, just one of the many things some of us might grieve about not having an NT child. Zach screamed all through his second birthday. All the grandmas and grandpas invading his space, it was really awful. I don't know how it's going to end up with him. I must say he did wonderful with all the loud giddy girls in the house. If they got too close to him he waved bye to them...which in Zach language means YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. I wonder if he will go to regular school, if he'll make friends, if he'll want friends. My brain says it would be a lot cheaper and easier if I didn't have to plan a party the way I do with Alyx. Right now I'm just thrilled he'll let people in the house without freaking out! > > What I do is look for other " moments " ...just as valid, just as > wonderful, like this one: > > In February, I was looking for ...and I called out, " Where's > ? " Now, this was directed at the other kids, as is not > one to respond to such things...but suddenly I heard a cheerful, " Hee > I am! " > > I have not heard those words come out of ' mouth since he was > four. How wonderful! > That's better than any birthday party...trust me. :-) I know what you mean friend, I really do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2003 Report Share Posted May 13, 2003 > What you posted was exactly what I was meaning. Not that there > aren't special moments you can't have, just one of the many things > some of us might grieve about not having an NT child. > You know, I think what you grieve over depends on several things...if birthday parties were a big part of your childhood, or something you didn't have and really wanted, then it might hurt more. At this point, grief is mostly something that sneaks into my life here and there...little lumps in the pit of my stomach that come out of the blue, usually, over some bit of " normal " life that catches me by surprise. I can deal with things I am expecting for the most part...but it hasn't always been that way. > Zach screamed all through his second birthday. All the grandmas > and grandpas invading his space, it was really awful. > Sorry...that must have been awful. Pretty much what would happen if we tried to have a party for at this point is that he would just wander around ignoring everyone for a while, unless forced to be a part of things...and then, if it went on too long, would start to whine, trot around, and finally would be jumping up and down yelling. He would be mostly interested in when these folks invading his world are leaving... > I don't know how it's going to end up with him. I must say he > did wonderful with all the loud giddy girls in the house. If they > got too close to him he waved bye to them...which in Zach language > means YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. > Well, this is good, that he can tell people when they need to leave him alone...of course, it doesn't always work out that people CAN leave...like in school, or when someone is staying overnight...but you can give him tools for dealing with those situations, too. > I wonder if he will go to regular school, if he'll make friends, if > he'll want friends. > Barring a miracle, will not do these things...but I'm okay with it. He doesn't want those things, and they would make him genuinely miserable. At a certain point, I realized that what matters is what will make him happy, and if he is happy, then (for the most part) I can be. likes his world right now...why should I get upset over things he can't handle and wouldn't enjoy? It happens, of course, because I wish he could be a part of life more, but that's not his world or his life--it's the life of some kid who doesn't really exist anymore...when I feel sad over typical kid things he isn't doing, I'm really not accepting his world as valid...and that's not fair to him. As I said before, I do feel sad that he has no clue that he has a birthday...that there isn't a day when he understands that we are celebrating the fact that he's in our family. Birthdays are all the same for him...his or yours, it means there's cake or cupcakes with lots of frosting, and THAT is something that he relates to very well. ;-) Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2003 Report Share Posted May 13, 2003 Pretty much what would happen if > we tried to have a party for at this point is that he would > just wander around ignoring everyone for a while, This is exactly what Putter would do. unless forced to be > a part of things...and then, if it went on too long, would start to > whine, trot around, and finally would be jumping up and down > yelling. He would be mostly interested in when these folks invading > his world are leaving... Putter too except that I gather would get more stressed out than Putter usually does. Putter can ignore any number of people and still apparently enjoy himself. I guess he just shuts them out totally so that he can continue doing his own thing. Forcing him into the middle can work, but Putter would keep disappearing. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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