Trying for a second baby

[Guest guest]

Hello

I am the mum of a beautiful 16 month old boy called . My

husband and I want to try for a second baby but I would like some

advice please.

was planned but we hadn't really started trying and we had

only been married for two weeks when I found out I was pregnant. We

were over the moon but it all happened so quickly that I didn't have

chance to think about any problems that could arise. So now that we

are really planning on trying for another those fears are beginning

to creep in and I am terrified of having a miscarriage or that the

baby would be another boy and I desperately want a girl. I also had

to give birth to 9 days late and by emergency c-section and I

am also scared that this will happen again as I wuld really like to

try for a VBAC delivery if I were pregnant again.

I know that saying I want a girl sounds selfish but I would just feel

complete then in a way and if I went on to have a third child it

would not matter what sex that baby was at all.

If anyone has any advise to give me I would welcome it with open arms

and I look forward to hearing from you all.

Take care

Hazel

[Guest guest]

Hazel wrote

>I am the mum of a beautiful 16 month old boy called . My

>husband and I want to try for a second baby but I would like some

>advice please.

>So now that we are really planning on trying for another those fears are

beginning

>to creep in and I am terrified of having a miscarriage or that the

>baby would be another boy and I desperately want a girl.

> I also had to give birth to 9 days late and by emergency c-section

and I

>am also scared that this will happen again as I would really like to

>try for a VBAC delivery if I were pregnant again.

Emergency sections are really frightening experiences,so I understand why you

are scared

Do you know the reason that you had the emergency section?

Might be worth talking to your Gp or Health visitor about it.

>I know that saying I want a girl sounds selfish but I would just feel

>complete then in a way and if I went on to have a third child it

>would not matter what sex that baby was at all.

Recently saw a website that advised on how you could increase chance of baby

being a

particular sex.Was all to do with fact that one sex of sperm lived longer than

other.

I'll see if I can find it.Not guaranteed to work but may increase chances.

Kate

[Guest guest]

>

> Recently saw a website that advised on how you could increase chance

of baby being a

> particular sex.Was all to do with fact that one sex of sperm lived

longer than other.

> I'll see if I can find it.Not guaranteed to work but may increase

chances.

>

> Kate

Shettles method: -girl sperm (X) swim slower and live longer than boy

sperm (Y) who are fast but shortlived.

So for a girl have sex before ovulation stopping the day before you O

for a boy have sex the day before, day of and day after O

(this is from memory)

Only really works alongside temperature charting and Cervical mucus

observations so you know that O is approaching (from CM obs) and when

its happened (from temp)

www.tycoyf.com has info on this as does the book of the website Taking

Charge of YOur Fertility by Toni Weschler (sp?!)

hth

Angi

[Guest guest]

> to creep in and I am terrified of having a miscarriage or that the

> baby would be another boy and I desperately want a girl.

I have had 3 m/cs but am now successfully pg (32 weeks) so

m/c doesn't mean the end of the road. Statistically you are more

likely to remain pg than miscarry if that is any help? I really

wouldn't let it put you off trying. I have put the upset behind me

and am moving forward with the new baby.

Re boys - there isn't a foolproof way of getting a girl - sorry!

(unless you go for v expensive egg selection in the USA) You get

what the good Lord gives you I am blessed with the most

gorgeous pair of boys I could ever hope to have - and am

expecting another one and I couldn't be more delighted...and this

from someone who only wanted girls as a younger person - I

sew and knit and all I could think of was the lovely things I could

make for a girl!

I think you have to put thoughts of particular gender out of your

mind - if you had another boy would you resent him forever for

not being the girl? I know 2 girls locally who have ended up with

4 boys and now they have accepted it they wouldn't have anything

else.

> I also had

> to give birth to 9 days late and by emergency c-section

and I

> am also scared that this will happen again as I wuld really like

to

> try for a VBAC delivery if I were pregnant again.

There is no reason why you can't - just one example is a friend

who had emrgency c-sec with her first and a calm water birth at

home with her second (and with the NHS - not Independent

midwife)

It is worth reading Horns site www.homebirth.org.uk as

she has a good section on VBAC on there (not just homebirth

related)

HTH

Caroline

[Guest guest]

Hi Hazel -

I don't really have any practical advice - other than to say, just go

for it. I think the more you agonize and think and plan, the more

likely it is that things wont go according to plan and more likely

that you end up disappointed.

Can you just try and see what happens? There is help to be had if you

are unfortunate enough to have a miscarriage, and many wise people

(on this list and elsewhere!) who can help you plan for the type of

birth you wish to have.

You already have a beautiful son and I am sure you will have another

beautiful baby - no matter what sex he or she turns out to be. With

DS I was absolutely convinced that I was having another girl and felt

just a tiny tinge of disappointment, or perhaps more utter surprise

and alienation, when DH announced he was a boy... it only lasted 20

minutes and then I put him to the breast and he was pure mine - it's

been love ever since.

Karina

> Hello

>

> I am the mum of a beautiful 16 month old boy called . My

> husband and I want to try for a second baby but I would like some

> advice please.

[Guest guest]

I got a book from 's called something like " Choose the Sex of

your Baby " by Hazel Chesterton-Philips (or something like that!).

Basically you have to work out when you ovulate and then have sex up

to a certain point before that and abstain at the time of ovulation.

There's lot of other stuff to help " swing the odds " too, such as diet,

potential father's underwear etc. Apparently girls are easier to

conceive " by accident " as people avoid having sex at time of ovulation

but girl sperm are long lived and sneak in on the egg when it least

expects it!!

As to whether or not it works .... well watch this space at the end of

March 2002 as we used it to try for a boy, having already got two

girls (accidents!).

BTW it does not make much difference to me if no. 3 is another girl -

I just wanted to increase my chances of having a boy this time (mainly

so that DH does not take my lovely girlies down the park playing

football or up to see Spurs as soon as they are old enough!!! ;0))

Francesca

Mum to Kezia (3), Lily (18 months) and no. 3 (EDD 21.3.02)

Trying for a second baby

> Hello

>

> I am the mum of a beautiful 16 month old boy called . My

> husband and I want to try for a second baby but I would like some

> advice please.

>

> was planned but we hadn't really started trying and we had

> only been married for two weeks when I found out I was pregnant. We

> were over the moon but it all happened so quickly that I didn't have

> chance to think about any problems that could arise. So now that we

> are really planning on trying for another those fears are beginning

> to creep in and I am terrified of having a miscarriage or that the

> baby would be another boy and I desperately want a girl. I also had

> to give birth to 9 days late and by emergency c-section and

I

> am also scared that this will happen again as I wuld really like to

> try for a VBAC delivery if I were pregnant again.

>

> I know that saying I want a girl sounds selfish but I would just

feel

> complete then in a way and if I went on to have a third child it

> would not matter what sex that baby was at all.

>

> If anyone has any advise to give me I would welcome it with open

arms

> and I look forward to hearing from you all.

>

> Take care

>

> Hazel

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

IIRC - douching with a v weak vinegar solution for girls?

But I can`t remember the equivalent for boys, as I would not have

considered that!

Barbara

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 14/11/2001 16:43:28 GMT Standard Time,

hazelwebster@... writes:

> I know that saying I want a girl sounds selfish but I would just feel

> complete then in a way and if I went on to have a third child it

> would not matter what sex that baby was at all.

>

> If anyone has any advise to give me I would welcome it with open arms

> and I look forward to hearing from you all.

>

>

Hazel,

Its not selfish to want a girl, but you have to get your head round the fact

that it may well gbe a boy, and you may never have a girl. You will have to

love the baby if it is a boy as much as you would if it were a girl, or you

shouldnt have another child at all, its just not fair.

I have just found out I am pregnant with my second child, and only 7 weeks at

that. There is a 30% chance I will miscarry, but on the bright side, there

is a 70% chance I wont, and you cant get too worried about these things, if I

do, it was because there was a serious problem, and I still have DS1, and can

try again.

Personally I think you need to get having a girl out of your head, or you

could end up very diappointed, but good luck anyway, whatever you decide,

[Guest guest]

If you want to change the sex of your next baby DO NOT join the NCT in

Pocklington (ER of Yorkshire). Your chances will be very slim - out of about

12 babies born in the past year or so only 1 lady had a girl following a boy.

Single sex families are in abundance with the majority of the children boys.

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

Jack 8, 6 and Isaac 2

[Guest guest]

Hazel, to follow on from what has said, it is very important that you

consider how you would feel if you have another boy. I have seen such sad

results when people " want " a certain kind and don't get it, resulting in

much unhappiness in the family which is so unfair on the poor child. One

friend has two boys and she was so disappointed that the first was a boy

that she had major PND. She and her husband act with such dislike to this

boy that it's pretty obvious even to people who don't know them. He's 5 now

and not particularly nice (which is not surprising), but I feel so sorry for

him and the way he is treated. She had her second 11 months ago and got her

head round the idea of having another boy fairly early on, accepted it and

just loves this little baby. Sadly though, all they go on about is how

wonderful he is in front of the older one. Conversely, a friend of hers has

two girls and is desperate for a boy. She is now pregnant with her third

baby and you can see in her face the hope that it will be a boy.....

Another friend has two boys and didn't have any more in case it was another

boy, which is much kinder than having a baby and then not wanting it. I'm

sure that how you feel does reflect in how you treat that baby for a long

time and probably a lot more could be done to study it. For instance, how

much PND can be attributed to having the " wrong " gender?

I hope you don't have any problems trying to conceive or with the pregnancy

when it happens, and that you then have a happy, healthy baby ;o))

Have fun with the trying!

Hannah

Mum to three gorgeous little

boys.....http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nct-coffee/files/Photos/Smiles3.jpg

-----Original Message-----

From: choneybeee@...

Its not selfish to want a girl, but you have to get your head round the

fact

that it may well gbe a boy, and you may never have a girl. You will have

to

love the baby if it is a boy as much as you would if it were a girl, or

you

shouldnt have another child at all, its just not fair.

I have just found out I am pregnant with my second child, and only 7 weeks

at

that. There is a 30% chance I will miscarry, but on the bright side,

there

is a 70% chance I wont, and you cant get too worried about these things,

if I

do, it was because there was a serious problem, and I still have DS1, and

can

try again.

Personally I think you need to get having a girl out of your head, or you

could end up very diappointed, but good luck anyway, whatever you decide,

[Guest guest]

Hi and thanks to everyone for their advice so far. I had a problem with my

e-mail which meant that some messages got deleted when scan disk fixed the

problem so I will catch up with any I missed on the groups page.

When I had my 20 week scan with I had been so convinced up until that

point that I was having a girl so when the nurse told me it was a boy I was so

devastated and probably cried for a week. When he was born I did feel some

resentment for him but it only lasted for about a month (if that) but he is the

most loved, happy, beautiful boy (I am biased of course) in the world and I

would not change him for anything. I am scared, however, that if I have another

boy that I will hate him but I just don't want to stop at one so if I did have

another boy then I would have to sort myself out and love him just the same. I

really do feel for that little boy who is disliked by his parents and I would

not want to put another boy through that. My brother in law and his wife have

two little girls, one which was born less than two weeks after so as you

can imagine that didn't really make me feel any better especially so soon after

going through the trauma of an emergency c-section and even though I think it

was very mild, I think did have PND for a while afterwards. They are now

expecting a third child, which is due early in June and even though I am really

looking forward to having a new niece or nephew I am so hoping that they have a

boy because if they had another girl it would be like hammering the last nail

into my coffin and I think I would be devastated. does have a male

cousin but he is autistic and just does not associate with other people/children

very well at all and while I really do understand why this is and my brother and

his wife know that they have my support all the way it would also be nice for

to have a male cousin who he can be a boy with rather than being

surrounded by girls.

On a finishing note, can anyone explain to me what DH, DS and DD etc means

probably sounds really stupid but I would really like to know.

Thanks again for everyone advice.

Take care

Hazel

Avon Representatives UK - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AvonRepresentativesUK

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoraEphronAppreciationSociety

Opinion Writers Meeting Place -

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OpinionWritersMeetingPlace

RE: Trying for a second baby

Hazel, to follow on from what has said, it is very important that

you

consider how you would feel if you have another boy. I have seen such

sad

results when people " want " a certain kind and don't get it, resulting in

much unhappiness in the family which is so unfair on the poor child. One

friend has two boys and she was so disappointed that the first was a boy

that she had major PND. She and her husband act with such dislike to

this

boy that it's pretty obvious even to people who don't know them. He's 5

now

and not particularly nice (which is not surprising), but I feel so sorry

for

him and the way he is treated. She had her second 11 months ago and got

her

head round the idea of having another boy fairly early on, accepted it

and

just loves this little baby. Sadly though, all they go on about is how

wonderful he is in front of the older one. Conversely, a friend of hers

has

two girls and is desperate for a boy. She is now pregnant with her third

baby and you can see in her face the hope that it will be a boy.....

Another friend has two boys and didn't have any more in case it was

another

boy, which is much kinder than having a baby and then not wanting it.

I'm

sure that how you feel does reflect in how you treat that baby for a

long

time and probably a lot more could be done to study it. For instance,

how

much PND can be attributed to having the " wrong " gender?

I hope you don't have any problems trying to conceive or with the

pregnancy

when it happens, and that you then have a happy, healthy baby ;o))

Have fun with the trying!

Hannah

Mum to three gorgeous little

boys.....http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nct-coffee/files/Photos/Smiles3.jpg

-----Original Message-----

From: choneybeee@...

Its not selfish to want a girl, but you have to get your head round the

fact

that it may well gbe a boy, and you may never have a girl. You will have

to

love the baby if it is a boy as much as you would if it were a girl, or

you

shouldnt have another child at all, its just not fair.

I have just found out I am pregnant with my second child, and only 7

weeks

at

that. There is a 30% chance I will miscarry, but on the bright side,

there

is a 70% chance I wont, and you cant get too worried about these things,

if I

do, it was because there was a serious problem, and I still have DS1,

and

can

try again.

Personally I think you need to get having a girl out of your head, or

you

could end up very diappointed, but good luck anyway, whatever you

decide,

[Guest guest]

LOL, thanks Trisha, I will watch out for that one. I don't think that I would

join there though, hell of a way to travel from Bolton in Lancashire. Is there

an NCT group in Bolton does anyone know, I have been a member of this group for

a while but haven't been active so am not well up on these things.

Thanks

Hazel

Avon Representatives UK - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AvonRepresentativesUK

Fame Friends - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FameFriends

Horror Central - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HorrorCentral

House of Dreams - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/House-of-Dreams

Nora Ephron Appreciation Society -

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoraEphronAppreciationSociety

Opinion Writers Meeting Place -

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OpinionWritersMeetingPlace

Re: Trying for a second baby

If you want to change the sex of your next baby DO NOT join the NCT in

Pocklington (ER of Yorkshire). Your chances will be very slim - out of

about

12 babies born in the past year or so only 1 lady had a girl following a

boy.

Single sex families are in abundance with the majority of the children

boys.

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

Jack 8, 6 and Isaac 2

[Guest guest]

On a finishing note, can anyone explain to me what DH, DS and DD etc

means probably sounds really stupid but I would really like to know.

>

> Thanks again for everyone advice.

>

> Take care

>

> Hazel

DH= dear/darling/darned/dratted husban/partner

DS " " " " son

DD " " " " daughter

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 16/11/2001 10:27:25 GMT Standard Time,

hazelwebster@... writes:

> When I had my 20 week scan with I had been so convinced up until

> that point that I was having a girl so when the nurse told me it was a boy

> I was so devastated and probably cried for a week. When he was born I did

> feel some resentment for him but it only lasted for about a month

Hazel, if you felt that strongly then, and still want a girl, than do the

unborn baby a favour and dont have it, until you can come to terms with

having either sex. It took you a month to get over the first baby being a

boy, it will take you 5x as long next time round, and I dont think it would

be fair to risk it. It may well be a girl, but if its not, then I pity the

poor baby.

Dont mean to sound harsh, but I am just concened for you. You couyld suffer

depression aslo if you have a boy, which could affect the son you already

have as well as your relationship with the new baby and your DH.

Why not try counselling, or talking your feelings through with a midwife or

health visitor, they may be able to help you.

Wish you luck, and if you have a boy and dont want it...send it to me as boys

are great fun (as I am sure girls are too...before you all start yelling!!)