Re: Xmas, Families etc.

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have to say I was hoping for some

Ruthie wisdom here after the Rosh Hashanah episode (In fairness, the turkey

comment was jokily relayed... but it's kind of typical of my sister...) Has

anyone ever just rebuffed all offers of festivities in your family, Ruthie?

I don't really want to turn things into a habit, ritual or rota, in honesty,

but I do think that some degree of family celebration is worth conserving.

How or what I'm just not sure now. I WILL write a calm letter this weekend

but I don't think it'll work this year. I suspect (12 now) is

too old/too boarding school ised to really want family celebrations anyway.

We have had Christmas day just us ever since we were married - but we do

usually get together a day or two later with family. I suppose that it is

all over now though and maybe I will start inviting waifs and strays to join

us! Hey, what are you all doing for Christmas? , do you want to

come over for mince pies? :-)

Ruth and Ruthie, had a highly aggressive and malignant brain tumour

removed in the first week of 2000 and then we lived on our nerves waiting

for the next downturn till December 1st. The last few weeks were pretty

awful. I couldn't make myself wish for a quick ending for Mum but I could

for . Even his actual death was difficult. He would have been 15

this February. The hole will always be there for all of us - so will the

Mum-shaped hole (she took a month less long to die from multiple

secondaries, 9 years ago) - but life is for the living and Tim prohibits

wallowing, so I have to move on and snatch my grieving in odd moments here

and there. I think this is seen as not feeling things by some people....

but I can't really cope when Dad wants to unload his memories onto me, like

I don't know what it was like. I do know, I am bereaved too, I just can't

share my feelings with the others who are so close. I find it better to do

my crying on people who aren't involved.

I suppose I've just admitted that I was in the wrong... but it still hurts.

Better do some more thinking I suspect... oh and to crown it all Great

Aunt's funeral on Friday (another reason big sis feeling less than

wonderful). Roll on the next 3 weeks!

Anneliese and 26 month old Tim

[Guest guest]

> Ruth and Ruthie, had a highly aggressive and malignant

brain tumour

> removed in the first week of 2000 and then we lived on our nerves

waiting

> for the next downturn till December 1st. The last few weeks were

pretty

> awful. I couldn't make myself wish for a quick ending for Mum but

I could

> for . Even his actual death was difficult. He would have

been 15

> this February. > Anneliese and 26 month old Tim

Anneliese - Thank you for that, now I understand the hurt - I had

thought maybe he was a baby, which would be bad enough, but to lose

him at 14 must be so sad - he would have just been blossoming into a

young man. I do feel for you, especially as it seems he died on my

birthday (1st December). To lose any child is just terrible, and I

think you are very brave in how you are coping - I'm sure your sister

will appreciate you more in time, especially if you are patient with

her now.

Thinking of you and Tim - and the rest of your family XX

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I have to say I was hoping

for some

> Ruthie wisdom here after the Rosh Hashanah episode (In fairness, the

turkey

> comment was jokily relayed... but it's kind of typical of my

sister...) Has

> anyone ever just rebuffed all offers of festivities in your family,

Ruthie?

No. it's never happened, which is why I found it hard to relate to

your problem. I think Jewish families are a bit similar to the

stereotypical Italian ones seen on the tomato sauce adverts on the

telly. Big bustling, happy, everyone joining in and having a jolly

good time. (even the fat Mama in charge, who loves cooking and

feeding her family, that's me! LOL!!)

I would really like to help you Anneliese, but this kind of tension

doesn't seem to happen that much in our Jewish holidays. Our tensions

seem to be the opposite; ie too MUCH family descending on us at once!!

The worst kind of tension seems to be at Passover time, mainly

centred over " who will stay in our house and who will have to find

accommodation elsewhere? " . Till now I have had two married couples

descending on me for Passover (one with four kids, one with one,

Rafi), and fitting them all in the house has been traumatic at best.

This year Zehava will be a newly-wed, so she won't be staying in the

house, but in a flat nearby, so her room will be vacant. Next yr tho

with THREE married couples all wanting to stay with us....

That's the kind of difficulty we have, rather than the refusal kind!

Re 's death, how awful. HUGGGGS. Everyone grieves in their

own way, so don't feel guilty about yours.

Ruthie