new Lessons in perspective *and* Insulin protection *smile*

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/16/2003 1:43:19 AM Eastern Standard Time,

bbolin@... writes:

..And all along I felt like being there was the cake for

me and anything else was icing.

Hi Bert, I know exactly how you felt on your vacation. After having cp and

then the TP/ICT just being alive and without pain is a miracle to us. After my

surgery when I realized that I was pain free and I could eat I was euphoric.

My husband understood to a certain extent but no one could really know how I

felt. In time you will come down off of cloud nine somewhat and your wife

will find the old Bert the Bert before cp and surgery. I am so happy that you

could enjoy yourself. Keep up with the positive attitude and how a wonderful

life. Shirley

[Guest guest]

Hello there all,

I haven't posted in a few days because things are busy at home. But

I want to share with you the new ways I find humility. These lessons

I believe are at the core to our struggle, that bigger struggle

being life, spirit, and meaning.

My wife and I vacationed just recently from Cincinnati, OH on down

to a very nice Cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. We were gone 5 days. Now

since I started having pancreatitis I have essentially not travelled

at all, so this was my first trip out of state in 3.5 years. And now

I was travelling without the pancreas WITH the tricks of diabetic

trade. I had supplies and meds, no problems. I had some neat gizmos

to help store 2 vials of insuline a couple of syringes which was

good. I soon bought a very kick butt leath fanny pack that is more

like a small saddle bag. Now I carry my meter, a hidden extra set of

10 syringes, two smaller glucose tab kits, and swipes. Adding that

freed me up a lot. And the tiny coolor with the artificial ice

really worked great and extended my roamning zome a big bit. I am

going to take Heidi's great advice and buy portable fridge that can

run on DC power off a car, and be adaptable to run AC current from a

hotel room. That will be great.

So I learned a lot about travel and its challenges now as fledgling

diabetic. Had three lows and three highs. The highs I could have

told you they were coming as I ate the food in large amounts, ladden

with all the wonderful goodness that is terrible for us. I will one

day learn moderation.

And even 6 months out from total pancreatectomy I move along and

being active. I paced myself and took my chances to sit when sitting

was wise, drink fluids, move and walk a good pace. It helped me to

stay on top the energy curve which is still the harder issue for me.

New body, new metabolism, new gaps where things use to be, new ways

to illicit soreness or pain.

The bummer thing I was literally in tears to be there. I was so very

happy. Beautiful cabin, spectacular view, quaint tourist traps. But

I never felt the urge do any one activity over and never. I felt

like having to force my wife on my eating schedule was enough.

Otherwise I was totally content to enjoy it all with her and do what

she want to do. But we get back she lets me know she is unhappy

because I didn't do my part in having us see the things I want to

see. I didn't give a rat's ass I just want to be there in beauty

doing things I have not done before, LIVING not simply being alive.

She felt like I weakened our vacation by not being an equal

participant.And all along I felt like being there was the cake for

me and anything else was icing.

We have talked and things are good though we each some minor

feelings to work through. We are currently looking at Bed and

Breakfasts for a quick getaway to put a better spin on things.

But I do feel I need to find a way to let her know I am trying to

reclaim my life to its totality. But I also have my fears, traumas,

concerns, and sometimes the body fails to be as strong as I would

wish and I have pay it mind.

Sorry for the long preamble.

What are you thoughts? Advice?

I keep thinking: " Once I had nothing but the merge and be one with

pain in order live, then I had sacarfice my organs so that I might

be alive, now I must be fully involved in LIVING. "

Peace and Blessings,

May you not hunger, nor thirst, nor suffer pain, may you find peace

and comfort in your family, lover, self, Divinity