RE: Men in denial

[Guest guest]

I guess I can count myself as one of the lucky ones--Mark has been right

there with me the whole time. He's not as active in doing his meds and

treatments as I am, but that is because he often works on the road. But,

when he's home, he is usually the one to do it, and I get a much-needed

break. He is wonderful, and takes him to his CF appointments a lot, too.

What a prince I have! :-)

S., mom to Cody (7, pwcf, nissen for severe reflux, malnutrition,

ADHD), DJ (9, nocf, asthma, ADD), and a (14, nocf, ADHD)

Men in denial

> I'm sitting here pondering the idea of why men seem to go into more denial

> than women when it comes to their child and it being dx'd with CF. I've

noticed

> a lot of people saying things like....my husband does not take any role in

> treatments....he ignores the fact that our child has CF.....or my ex does

not

> think our child needs the meds....Why is this?

>

> Women admit they are in denial and they ask for help in how to cope with

the

> diagnoses, but it's rare to see a man do this. Is it because of pride?

>

> Please don't flame me, I'm not speaking against any of the men on the

> list....you guys are the greatest, and contribute greatly to the list.

Hopefully you

> GUYS can answer (or at least give me some insight) as to WHY?

>

> Dawn

> mom to Tyler 5.5 w CF

[Guest guest]

,

You are soooo lucky to have hubby involved with his kids treatments. The

guys who aren't miss out on so much!

But, if you really think about it, a lot of Dad's aren't involved in their

kids lives even if they are not sick!

You should tell him Happy Australian Father's Day tomorrow!!!

Love,

Aunt B

[Guest guest]

HI Dawn,

I suppose I a very lucky because my husband is very aware 's CF. He does

her evening treatment and gives her enzymes and whatnot. Now, he is not as up

on all the things that she takes. For example: He knows that she is on Reglan

and zantac but he might not remember exactly how much she takes or when. But he

always asks if she is supposed to get anything else...... I have really made

it my business to be in charge of 's meds though so if he had to do it I

think that he would be able to handle it all with no problem. I honestly feel

for all the people who's partners don't share in the care for their child with

CF because it is very hard to do it with a partner's assistance. I can't

imagine what it must be like to do it on your own all the time.

I wonder if those men who go into denial about CF are really just trying to

protect themselves from the worry CF can cause? or maybe from the pain of

confronting the fact that we, as parents, passed this " bad " gene on as well as

the good ones that we give?

Just my guess.

Men in denial

I'm sitting here pondering the idea of why men seem to go into more denial

than women when it comes to their child and it being dx'd with CF. I've

noticed

a lot of people saying things like....my husband does not take any role in

treatments....he ignores the fact that our child has CF.....or my ex does not

think our child needs the meds....Why is this?

Women admit they are in denial and they ask for help in how to cope with the

diagnoses, but it's rare to see a man do this. Is it because of pride?

Please don't flame me, I'm not speaking against any of the men on the

list....you guys are the greatest, and contribute greatly to the list.

Hopefully you

GUYS can answer (or at least give me some insight) as to WHY?

Dawn

mom to Tyler 5.5 w CF

[Guest guest]

I DO THINK YOU HAVE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. SOOOOOO, MAYBE THEY ACTUALLY

SHOULD GO TO CLINIC FOR COUNSELING /HELP IN UNDERSTANDING MORE. even TO THE

EDDAYS. THEY HELP WITHOUT PINNING them DOWN

oops, sorry about caps. I don't have time to redo . :)

LOVE & HUGS, grandmomBEV

Re: Men in denial

HI Dawn,

I suppose I a very lucky because my husband is very aware 's CF. He

does her evening treatment and gives her enzymes and whatnot. Now, he is

not as up on all the things that she takes. For example: He knows that she

is on Reglan and zantac but he might not remember exactly how much she takes

or when. But he always asks if she is supposed to get anything else......

I have really made it my business to be in charge of 's meds though so

if he had to do it I think that he would be able to handle it all with no

problem. I honestly feel for all the people who's partners don't share in

the care for their child with CF because it is very hard to do it with a

partner's assistance. I can't imagine what it must be like to do it on your

own all the time.

I wonder if those men who go into denial about CF are really just trying to

protect themselves from the worry CF can cause? or maybe from the pain of

confronting the fact that we, as parents, passed this " bad " gene on as well

as the good ones that we give?

Just my guess.

Men in denial

I'm sitting here pondering the idea of why men seem to go into more denial

than women when it comes to their child and it being dx'd with CF. I've

noticed

a lot of people saying things like....my husband does not take any role in

treatments....he ignores the fact that our child has CF.....or my ex does

not

think our child needs the meds....Why is this?

Women admit they are in denial and they ask for help in how to cope with

the

diagnoses, but it's rare to see a man do this. Is it because of pride?

Please don't flame me, I'm not speaking against any of the men on the

list....you guys are the greatest, and contribute greatly to the list.

Hopefully you

GUYS can answer (or at least give me some insight) as to WHY?

Dawn

mom to Tyler 5.5 w CF

[Guest guest]

You Go Guy!

To put it in girlie terms: You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

Loved your post! It is nice to hear the guys point of view.

I know your wife and kids think you are the greatest!

Aunt B

[Guest guest]

Your husband sounds exactly like Mark, ! He also does treatment,

enzymes, etc., when he is home, and he also gets his evening meds ready for

him, but never fail he always has to ask what to give him, or else he will

go through what he has there, and I have to verify it. I have a chart

hanging up inside the cupboard with the amounts and the schedule, but he

still needs to ask me. Sometimes it drives me nuts, cuz I can't understand

why he can't remember after all this time, but then I have to stop and

realize that the reason is probably because he feels secure that I will

remember and handle it, so he lets his mind focus on other things. He

can't, how do they say it, " multitask " , very well. He always has so many

things going, and I guess he feels confident that Cody's stuff is being

handled by me so he focuses on other things.

He also is willing to talk about it to anyone who wants to know--now, he

doesn't volunteer any more information than he is specifically asked, but

he's that way about EVERYTHING!! LOL Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to

get him to tell me about a doctor appointment, etc., that he went to. When

you ask " What did the doctor say? " , he'll say, " Oh, he says it's no big

deal " , and thinks he should leave it at that. I have to start asking him

pointed questions to get any answers! LOL THEN, a few days later, he'll

out of the blue say, " Oh, yeah...the doctor said......... " , and it will be

something important!! Sigh....

Love to all,

S., mom to Cody (7, pwcf, nissen for severe reflux, malnutrition,

ADHD), DJ (9, nocf, asthma, ADD), and a (14, nocf, ADHD)

Re: Men in denial

> HI Dawn,

> I suppose I a very lucky because my husband is very aware 's CF. He

does her evening treatment and gives her enzymes and whatnot. Now, he is

not as up on all the things that she takes. For example: He knows that she

is on Reglan and zantac but he might not remember exactly how much she takes

or when. But he always asks if she is supposed to get anything else......

I have really made it my business to be in charge of 's meds though so

if he had to do it I think that he would be able to handle it all with no

problem. I honestly feel for all the people who's partners don't share in

the care for their child with CF because it is very hard to do it with a

partner's assistance. I can't imagine what it must be like to do it on your

own all the time.

>

> I wonder if those men who go into denial about CF are really just trying

to protect themselves from the worry CF can cause? or maybe from the pain

of confronting the fact that we, as parents, passed this " bad " gene on as

well as the good ones that we give?

> Just my guess.

>

[Guest guest]

I took Abby's diagnosis very hard - maybe harder than Kathy did. We

express things differently so I guess it's not right to say that but

I grieved about it for several days. We had to wait 4 days before we

had our other 2 girls tested (6 and 2) and that was hard.

My Dad is one of the guys that does the denial thing and it makes me

mad at him. He didn't call the entire 3 weeks we were in the

hospital with Abby when she was diagnosed and very sick. When I

talk about Abby's CF to him I can tell he is just forcing himself to

appear interested and is quick to change the subject. I've watched

him act like that my whole life and I guess I am very involved in all

my children's lives to this extent partly because I don't want to be

like him. I don't really know what the reason is for this kind of

behavior except for the fact that men have been taught it by

society. I may get killed for saying this but I think the feminist

movement, while helping in some aspects, also had some drawbacks.

For example: " A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. " This

line of thinking allowed men to feel perfectly at ease only having to

take care of himself. While at one time men felt responsible for the

welfare of their families, now they have society telling them they

aren't needed - that the woman can handle it.

By the same token a lot of guys are just selfish slackers. But I do

think that women have much more innate ability to nurture the

children than does the man. I have less patience and am far less

productive around the house than is Kathy. Somehow she can get it

all done while I struggle just keeping the kids from serious injury.

I'm really not using that as an excuse. It's just a fact. I think

men have the desire to get out and kill something, find something,

fix something or solve a physical problem. I use that in me to do

Abby's CPT. I see it as a challenge and it's plenty physical. Make

sure your husband understands the importance of good CPT and the fact

that he may be stronger and more capable of doing a thorough job at

it. He needs to understand that he could directly impact your

child's health.

I really hope nobody was offended by anything I said. I admit being

a pig at heart. It's against the grain for many of us guys to be

sensitive but if we aren't learning it or at least trying we

ultimately lose. I believe a man can't really have peace or joy if

he fails in the home.

> I'm sitting here pondering the idea of why men seem to go into more

denial

> than women when it comes to their child and it being dx'd with CF.

I've noticed

> a lot of people saying things like....my husband does not take any

role in

> treatments....he ignores the fact that our child has CF.....or my

ex does not

> think our child needs the meds....Why is this?

>

> Women admit they are in denial and they ask for help in how to cope

with the

> diagnoses, but it's rare to see a man do this. Is it because of

pride?

>

> Please don't flame me, I'm not speaking against any of the men on

the

> list....you guys are the greatest, and contribute greatly to the

list. Hopefully you

> GUYS can answer (or at least give me some insight) as to WHY?

>

> Dawn

> mom to Tyler 5.5 w CF

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I liked and enjoyed your post Joe.

Dawn mom of 4, 7 and under, the youngest wcf

[Guest guest]

It's like pulling teeth to get my husband to tell the DOCTOR anything!

Re: Men in denial

> HI Dawn,

> I suppose I a very lucky because my husband is very aware 's CF. He

does her evening treatment and gives her enzymes and whatnot. Now, he is

not as up on all the things that she takes. For example: He knows that she

is on Reglan and zantac but he might not remember exactly how much she takes

or when. But he always asks if she is supposed to get anything else......

I have really made it my business to be in charge of 's meds though so

if he had to do it I think that he would be able to handle it all with no

problem. I honestly feel for all the people who's partners don't share in

the care for their child with CF because it is very hard to do it with a

partner's assistance. I can't imagine what it must be like to do it on your

own all the time.

>

> I wonder if those men who go into denial about CF are really just trying

to protect themselves from the worry CF can cause? or maybe from the pain

of confronting the fact that we, as parents, passed this " bad " gene on as

well as the good ones that we give?

> Just my guess.

>