Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 Judee I will never see this story the same again.... LOL to funny. Barbara, joke Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road> > > when she sees the Big> > > Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.> > > "My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little> > > Red Riding Hood.> > > The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!> > > Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees> > > the wolf again; this> > > time he is crouched behind a tree stump.> > > "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little> > > Red Riding Hood.> > > Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.> > > About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood> > > sees the wolf> > > again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.> > > "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little> > > Red Riding Hood.> > > With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and> > > screams..."Will you get lost!> > > I'm trying to poop!"DISCLAIMER!!WE ARE NOT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, THEREFORE ANY INFORMATION THAT IS RECEIVED HERE IS FROM EXPERIENCE ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING THAT IS SUGGESTED. WE ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ARE NOT TRYING TO BE. REMEMBER EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TREATMENT MAYBE DIFFERENT FOR MANY OF US. THANK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2002 Report Share Posted January 9, 2002 Judee, thanks for the aging process. LOL I loved it. I think I'm already starting to go backwards. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2002 Report Share Posted January 9, 2002 Judee, this was great. It reminded me of my 9 year old niece at Christmas saying that she couldn't wait for her next birthday, because she would be " double digits " ! Cracks me up. I told her I'm so double digited, she can't even begin to relate! Thanks for the jokes, I needed a smile today! > > > > Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old > >people running around with tattoos and pierced bodies? > >Can't wait to be old... > > > >Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old > >is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited > >about aging that you think in fractions. > > > > " How old are you? " > > " I'm four and a half. " > >You're never 36 and a half .... > >You're four and a half going on 5. > > > >You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the > >next number. " How old are you? " " I'm gonna be 16. " You could be 12, but > >you're gonna be 16. Eventually. > > > >Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound > >like a ceremony. > >You BECOME 21....Yes!! > > > >Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. > >He TURNED; we had to throw him out. > > > >What's wrong? What changed? > > > >You BECOME 21; you TURN 30. > > > >Then you're PUSHING 40....stay over there. You REACH 50. > > > >MAKE it to 60. > > > >By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. > >After that, it's a day by day thing. > >You HIT Wednesday... > >You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My Grandmother > >won't even buy green bananas. " Well, it's an investment, you know, and > >maybe > >a bad one. " > > > >And it doesn't end there.... > >Into the 90's, you start going backwards. " I was JUST 92. " > >Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a > >little kid again. " I'm 100 and a half. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2002 Report Share Posted February 15, 2002 In a message dated 2/15/02 4:36:27 PM Pacific Standard Time, mgiordano@... writes: << What a sense of humor you guys have!! Carol G >> Carol, it is the sense of humor of this group that keeps me laughing every day. I know that it has helped me so much. I just love to laugh!! hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2002 Report Share Posted February 15, 2002 , I had to print that one to bring downstairs to the guys. That's a good one! What a sense of humor you guys have!! Carol G joke > > > >Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which> > > >produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very> > > >little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, hesuffered> > > >from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad,it's> > > >good)> > > >...> > > >> > > >;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;;;;;> > > >;;;;;;;;;> > > >A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis> > >> >DISCLAIMER!!WE ARE NOT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, THEREFORE ANY INFORMATION THAT IS RECEIVED HERE IS FROM EXPERIENCE ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING THAT IS SUGGESTED. WE ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ARE NOT TRYING TO BE. REMEMBER EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TREATMENT MAYBE DIFFERENT FOR MANY OF US. THANK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2002 Report Share Posted February 25, 2002 Good ones, really like the second one. LOL Sandy joke Laugh for the day!!1 > A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the> trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in generalbegan> to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.>> Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and ashe> was> doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around hishead.>> The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are> ya?">> The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, ifthat's> what they are--I never heard of circle flies".>> So the farmer says--"Well, circle flies are common on farms. See,> they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling> around the back end of a horse.">> The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then> after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to> call me a horses ass?">> The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law> enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horsesass.">> The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to> writing the ticket.>> After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them fliesthough.">>> >>>> A Hilary is driving through the Reservation sees an Indian woman> thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and> quiet, she stops the car and the Indian woman gets in.>> After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown bag on thefront> seat. "What's in bag?" asks the Indian woman.>> "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," says the saleswoman.>> The Indian lady is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."DISCLAIMER!!WE ARE NOT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, THEREFORE ANY INFORMATION THAT IS RECEIVED HERE IS FROM EXPERIENCE ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING THAT IS SUGGESTED. WE ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ARE NOT TRYING TO BE. REMEMBER EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TREATMENT MAYBE DIFFERENT FOR MANY OF US. THANK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 Lu, I like this one. Please let me know how you are doing. We will be going to Rhonda's in the a.m. If you need e-mail me at carmon@... after noon tomorrow. Love you, Girl Jo JokeDime or Nickel: (Classic) There was a little fellow named Mikey who hung out at the local grocery store. The manager didn't know what Mikey's problem was, but the boys liked to tease him. The boys said he was two bricks short of a load or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes the boys offered Mikey his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always took the nickel, they said, because it was bigger. One day after Mikey grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said: " Mikey, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger or what? " Mikey said: " No sir, you see if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it! " DISCLAIMER!!WE ARE NOT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, THEREFORE ANY INFORMATION THAT IS RECEIVED HERE IS FROM EXPERIENCE ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING THAT IS SUGGESTED. WE ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ARE NOT TRYING TO BE. REMEMBER EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TREATMENT MAYBE DIFFERENT FOR MANY OF US. THANK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 Well, duh, that makes sense! Smart kid! Love you, Judy Joke Dime or Nickel: (Classic) There was a little fellow named Mikey who hung out at the local grocery store. The manager didn't know what Mikey's problem was, but the boys liked to tease him. The boys said he was two bricks short of a load or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes the boys offered Mikey his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always took the nickel, they said, because it was bigger. One day after Mikey grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said: "Mikey, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger or what?" Mikey said: "No sir, you see if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!" DISCLAIMER!!WE ARE NOT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, THEREFORE ANY INFORMATION THAT IS RECEIVED HERE IS FROM EXPERIENCE ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING THAT IS SUGGESTED. WE ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ARE NOT TRYING TO BE. REMEMBER EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TREATMENT MAYBE DIFFERENT FOR MANY OF US. THANK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2002 Report Share Posted April 10, 2002 Marriage in Heaven On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. to process them into Heaven. While they are waiting, they begin to wonder, "Could they possibly get married in Heaven?" When St. shows up, they ask him. St. says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits and waits for an answer. It takes a couple of months. While they are waiting, they discuss whether or not they should get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" After yet another month, St. finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, " You CAN get married in Heaven." Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. , red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple. "OH, C'MON!" St. shouts, "It took me three months to find a preacher up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2002 Report Share Posted April 10, 2002 Cute one, Heidi, thanks! Judy Joke Marriage in Heaven On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. to process them into Heaven. While they are waiting, they begin to wonder, "Could they possibly get married in Heaven?" When St. shows up, they ask him. St. says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits and waits for an answer. It takes a couple of months. While they are waiting, they discuss whether or not they should get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" After yet another month, St. finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, " You CAN get married in Heaven." Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. , red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple. "OH, C'MON!" St. shouts, "It took me three months to find a preacher up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer!DISCLAIMER!!WE ARE NOT MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, THEREFORE ANY INFORMATION THAT IS RECEIVED HERE IS FROM EXPERIENCE ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING THAT IS SUGGESTED. WE ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR PHYSICIAN AND ARE NOT TRYING TO BE. REMEMBER EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TREATMENT MAYBE DIFFERENT FOR MANY OF US. THANK YOU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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