Re: Coping with Spousal attitudes

[Guest guest]

But then when he starts to

> say stuff about my meds or anything I told him I want

> him to tape a rock to the bottom of his foot and leave

> it there until I say he can remove it.

What an awesome idea!! lol!

what goes around comes around...I know you NEVER would have wished it

on him, but I'm sure he understands now. I'm sorry you have so much

to deal with, with both of you being so sick, but you sound like a

pretty strong person.

take care.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Sandy,

Since you brought it up. I was wondering if anyone else has the same problem as

I do. Do you have an attack after sex? I think it is because the old fashioned

way with him on top he presses against my tummy and pisses off the pancreas.

Simi Valley, CA

[Guest guest]

,

I did quite often have an attack after sex, I thought it was the

orgasm that was causing my attacks..so poor hubby's sex life was

somewhat restricted for a time..

[Guest guest]

Hi all, in my case it is my husband who has Hereditary Pancreatitis

and our two children as well (ages 7 and 3). I have seen all of

them go through terrible attacks of pain and I have been the strong,

supportive one through it all. I have never made comments like the

ones you describe, but my husband has snapped at me because he just

doesn't feel good and he is so tired of not feeling well.

I do not know if the sex contributes to attacks or not, but I know

from experience that the desire for sex on his part has diminished.

Partly because he's in so much pain and partly because he feels bad

when I initiate it and he has to tell me that he can't because he

doesn't feel good again.

I feel really bad for my husband and I will continue to do

everything I can for him, but I also know that he feels like a

burden to me and that is not healthy for anyone to feel. I tried to

make things better by telling him that anytime he wants sex just say

so and he never has to worry about being turned down. So far, that

has increased his ego a bit.

There are times when I feel that I cannot complain about how I feel

(with a headache or a cold) because it is not even comparable to the

pain that they all go through. And, I don't want my children to

hear me say I am sick because they hear it so much from each other

and their dad. It's a tough situation from all sides.

> > Sandy,

> > Since you brought it up. I was wondering if anyone else has the

> same problem as I do. Do you have an attack after sex? I think

it

> is because the old fashioned way with him on top he presses

against

> my tummy and pisses off the pancreas.

> >

> > Simi Valley, CA

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dear Robin,

I'm sorry that your husband has been so negative about your

situation. I think that most of us have had to deal with some

spousal discontent and fear at some time or another, and I know

this makes it even more stressful for you. Unfortunately, this

disease is life altering, and it affects all of our family and friends.

I wish I knew what could make it better for all of us, but I don't.

One thing I do know that really helped my husband to

understand my pain and my need for pain medication was the

long talk he had with my doctor this past October. Prior to that

discussion with the doctor, my husband had been complaining

about my use of pain meds, and I think there were even times

when he doubted my complaints of pain. A long, thorough talk

with my GI cured all of that, and I'm ever so grateful that my doc

spent so much time with him explaining what the professionals

believe the pain is like, and how necessary it is that we be

properly medicated from it so that we can function.

Part of my husband's problem stemmed from a discussion he

had over a year ago with a hunting buddy of his who is also an

anesthesiologist. This fellow used to have a pain clinic, and he

told my husband that his theory, that he'd been trying to enforce

in his clinic, was that if we were to stop taking all our pain meds

altogether, that eventually we wouldn't be dependent upon them,

and then we eventually wouldn't have any pain. Sounds a bit like

that earlier article that was posted, doesn't it? The problem was,

he wasn't able to get any of his patients to function without their

pain meds, so he eventually had to close up his business!

So a discussion with my GI who convinced my husband that this

theory didn't work was a catylist in changing his attitude about my

need for proper medication. If you have a doctor that could talk to

your husband about it in depth like this, this kind of discussion

might help him. It might be that his problem is that he just

doesn't really understand enough. I also know that some of my

husband's impatience with my disease is because he feels so

helpless. He can't make it go away, he can't make me feel

better, and when he sees me in deep pain he's scared because

it's out of his control. I imagine that your husband feels this way,

too, but he just can't express himself well enough so his anger

shows through.

Try not to let the stress these comments cause get to you too

much. I know that's easier said than done, but I know how much

worse we start to feel when the stress builds up. Vent here

whenever you need to, we all need to be able to do that

sometime, and you know here all you'll receive in return is

understanding, support and love.

With hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

South Carolina

SC & SE Regional Rep.

PAI, Intl.

Note: All comments or advice are personal opinion only, and

should not be

substituted for professional medical consultation.

[Guest guest]

Heidi,

You wrote: I also know that some of my

husband's impatience with my disease is because he feels so

helpless. He can't make it go away, he can't make me feel

better, and when he sees me in deep pain he's scared because

it's out of his control. I imagine that your husband feels this way,

too, but he just can't express himself well enough so his anger

Boy did you hit the nail on the head. Even now I can honestly that is something

my husband struggles with. When I get down because we can't afford the new car

like our friends or the trips and I blame myself for not being to work and make

the good money I used to make, he gets upset and turns the blame on himself. He

says he feels like he should be able to support us better and that if I wasn't

under so much stress because of lack of money, I maybe wouldn't be so sick. So

he turns it around and blames himself and than gets angry because he feels like

he isn't doing enough to take care of our family. This is something we have had

to work through now we just take it in stride. We look on the bright side. I am

home with my kids, we don't have car payments, or other bills out the wazoo, so

we feel like we try to make ourselves feel good about the fact that we don't the

bills the " 's " have. So what if we don't have nice new cars or a great big

house. We are simple people and we live a simple life. Our purpose in life for

the next 15 years at least is to raise happy, healthy and considerate children.

I also know my husband gets scared when I am having a flare up because he

doesn't know how he will deal if I died. Let me give you an example, he got a

speeding ticket, not me! But who had to call the courthouse and get the payment

thing set up and traffic school, etc... I do not know how he stupidvises 15

guys at work. Gosh, he can't even manage to go pay the electric bill for me so

now I do it on-line! URGHHHHHHH!!!!!! MEN!!!!!!!!! I couldn't live without

mine though.

Simi Valley, CA