Re: Re: Cant seem to shake this guilt

[Guest guest]

I am in an odd position of the family. I am the middle girl, but the

4th child. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. I am the baby of one

family and then my mom remarried and had another baby. My moms husband

never liked me. I was 6 months old (what could I have done at that

age???) when they married and I am 39 years old now. Life was hard

growing up as I wasn't allowed on family vacations, picnics, outtings.

I wasn't allowed to speak when her husband was in the house and was

always told by my mom that he would be coming home soon and wouldn't it

be better if I were in another room so he didn't have to see me or hear

me. It irritated him to much.

I wasn't allowed to fight back for myself against my other brother and

sisters. I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself at all, as a matter of

fact. I was sent away for every summer to my grandparents house (thank

the Lord for that one) and it wasn't until just 5 years ago that my moms

husband has decided he likes me now and will speak to me. I have now

been told by my other older siblings (not their real father) that he has

changed and I have to give him another chance and call him Dad. I

haven't called him that since I was 12 and told him I needed to call him

by his first name. He never took the newspaper down from his face while

I said this to him and just grunted at me.

It's worse than I have just spoken of, but the point is, sometimes you

can't make things better no matter how hard you try. I have tried and

tried to make my family love me and accept me for who I am and who I

turned out to be. But they still don't as they never had to while we

grew up.

I have tried to make my family situation better, but sometimes you just

can't change other people. My husband and my son love me. My

grandparents loved me like a daughter. I do not keep my mom blameless

in my upbringing either as she should have picked me over her husband.

But she didn't. And I can't change that. Now I am told what I can and

can't talk to my mom about as I upset her when I speak. Leaving the

family alone and not calling or communicating with them for 2 months

made them feel so guilty that they asked to come to my house for

Christmas. I don't expect anything to change just because of this

though. They were 2 hours late showing up for dinner. It was ready

before they got here and they only stayed for 2 hours. Kept looking at

their watches to see if it was time to leave.

My mom was in pain from her Lymphodema that night, but only after

having 5 drinks in 2 hours time, so go figure. Alcohol and percocet.

What a combonation. I know she is in extreme pain with the Lymphodema,

but the alcohol doesn't make the pain better, it just makes it worse. I

can't get her to see that though.

The way I am rebuilding my relationship with my family is to leave them

alone and let them come to me when they have the time. It works better

that way for me. I hope that you get from your family what you need.

Thanks for asking about mine. Sometimes it's hard to not be able to

speak about your own illness. Thats also something I am not allowed to

discuss with anyone. I love this group!!! It accepts me for me and

doesn't ask for anything more in return than I can give.

Bless you all and Happy New Year!

Sandy/California

wrote:

>Sandy, families are hard. You know we can pick our friends but not

>our families. If mine knew of this, they would say the same as

>yours. Your sister is a fool. Do you have many siblings, where are

>you placed in the family line. Please try to rebuild your

>realationship with your family. I had been gazing upon mine with

>rose colored glasses for years. Could never accept the truth.

>Tried desperatly to bring us all together at least for the

>holidays. I think I'll stick with my friends.

>Thanks you Sandy, this is what makes us a family here.

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