Things to ponder-Joke

[Guest guest]

This was fun

Lots of love

Glenda

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my

blood alcohol content.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK ... they

know me here.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with " GUESS " on

it. I said, " Implants? "

I don't do drugs any more 'cause I find I get the

same effect just standing up really fast.

Sign in Chinese pet store: " Buy one dog, get one

flea. "

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery

easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas . . . I wanted a

screamer or a moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport

the terminal?

I don't approve of political jokes . . . I've seen

too many of them get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has

absolutely no trade-in value.

There are two sides to every divorce -- yours and

butthead's.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it

deals you tomatoes, make Bloody s. But if

it deals you a truckload of hand grenades ... now

THAT'S a message!!

I love being married. It's so great to find that

one special person you want to annoy for the rest

of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the

bowling alley.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I

am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks ... but not the

ones she's been giving me lately!

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see

so many dead rabbits on the highway?

How come we choose from just two people to run for

President and 50 for Miss America?

Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed

with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't

want to see naked?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear

Mom's wise words: " Don't pick that up, you don't

know where it's been! "

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but

only true friends will leave a footprint on your heart.