Santa Shot Down!!

[Guest guest]

Olympia, Washington

After starting his annual sleigh ride from the North Pole, moments ago Santa

Claus flew over the U.S.-Canada border en route to bringing Christmas cheer

to America.

It didn't take long for things to get ugly.

Apparently, Mr. Claus failed to file a flight plan with the FAA and was

unaware of the new, Orange-alert status in the United States. At 7:44 PM

Pacific time, two Patriot missile batteries acquired the radar signature of

an unknown craft flying into American airspace and fired a total of 3

missiles, two of which found their mark on Santa's sleigh.

The wreckage, which includes various toys, sleigh and body parts, is strewn

over 6 counties in Washington State. It is unclear whether NORAD, which had

been tracking Mr. Claus' progress, was in communication with the military or

why Mr. Claus was not on the military's " Do Not Shoot " list. At this hour,

the only identifiable physical evidence seems to be a red, glowing animal

nose and a red and white ball cap.

Federal officials so far have refused comment or speculation, and President

Bush has been informed of the incident. A White House press conference is

scheduled to begin at Midnight, Christmas Day.

State and local officials, apparently trying to show they are not to blame

and in fear of public retaliation, have stated that they will make public a

transcript of the radio chatter from the flight, known in aviation circles

as Santa One. One Washington state Senator who wishes to remain clueless,

told us moments ago that the missiles were apparently fired just after Mr.

Claus had transmitted a statement containing references to " carrying a huge

load " and " touching the lives of every family. " It is not known at this hour

if the military mistook this as a terrorist threat being brashly broadcast

or if Mr. Claus was under suspicion of harboring Al-Qaeda. References to " my

little helpers " have clouded the issue. Rumors and speculation are running

rampant as the explosion and ensuing fireball could be seen for over a

hundred miles away. More news as it happens.