Sara, parents of our children's friends

[Guest guest]

--- " dwson2 " <sara@d...> wrote:

> I hope Zach has friends like that someday.

> Sara - mommy to Zach 18 months wcf

Dear Sara,

I bet Zach will have friends just like this someday, and the parents

of his friends will become your new friends too. You know, I've felt

very melancholy lately, I just didn't realize how much until reading

's post about Osgood-Schlatters. Funny, the oddest things that

tip the balance...

I can't express the sadness I feel when I read posts from moms who say

that family and friends don't seem to understand what they're going

through or don't support them. I know this happens, but I can honestly

say it never happened to us. Not once.

From Day 1 of CF diagnosis it was as if someone lassoed a band of

fiercely protective angels around us: our friends. Our old friends

were steadfast -- always caring, supportive and patient. And when

started preschool and made new friends, the parents of his new

friends became our friends too, friends that would have walked

barefoot over hot coals to help whenever we needed it. I don't know

why we were so lucky, but I still count my blessings every day.

Sara, I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to share a letter that I

wrote on the eve of 's high school graduation five years ago.

High school graduation is such a milestone, and I'm a very nostalgic

person so the only way I could make it through graduation and

preparing his departure for college was to write about it. I posted

the letter to Cystic-L so those on CF Parents who were on Cystic-L

back then might have already seen it.

I realize Zach is a toddler so high school graduation is just a

glimmer down the road right now, but I hope this gives you a small

measure of hope for his bright future -- with friends.

Kim

Mom of (24 with CF) and (20 1/2 no CF)

--------------------------------

Dear Cystic-L family...

On the eve of 's high school graduation, I wanted to share with

you a letter I wrote today. There's no way it can convey years of

memories, but I thought it important to try. I'm sending this letter

in hopes that other parents will feel inspired never to give up in the

face of a diagnosis of CF.

has much to be proud of -- he's a varsity scholar with a 3.5 GPA

and listed in Who's Who Among American High School Students; he was

honored as Senior of the Week the first week of school and earned his

letter in tennis this spring -- his first attempt at the sport; in the

past he's won numerous state awards for his editorial cartoons, and

despite the hemoptysis that benched him from the darkroom in 1996, he

served as a journalism staff photographer for three years. He's played

intramural basketball the past three years and during the summer helps

his dad on the farm by climbing into a huge tractor and plowing up the

earth... And even though she was in a different school, he drove his

sister to school every morning the past two years and frequently

picked her up after school. One morning he invited her to leave early

so they could have breakfast together; he treated her to donuts at

Winchell's Donuts, and there was no one around whom he was trying to

impress by his gesture.

's sister, , proof-read the following letter, leaning on my

shoulder, and when I turned around there were tears in her eyes. As I

reached up to wipe them away I said, " Oh, , we're never going to

make it through graduation tomorrow are we? " She said, " Noooo, " and we

both cracked up laughing, fighting back a flood of tears.

**************************************************

Dear :

This letter has found its way to you because you were special in the

life of someone special, Payne. This past weekend, while

updating 's scrapbook, I was reminded of many acts of kindness

over the years. It now seems appropriate to acknowledge your role in

his life. I apologize time didn't allow for an individual note, but

believe me, intent is still sincere.

Whether your contact with was that of doctor, nurse, teacher,

little league coach, pharmacist, or the parent of one of his friends,

your positive attitude, kindness, understanding and compassion were

influential in shaping the future of this remarkable young man whom

I'm honored to call " my son. "

One of my favorite quotes is by Barclay -- " Endurance is not

just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory. "

This was a lesson learned early when was diagnosed with cystic

fibrosis at the age of four years, four months. This diagnosis was not

a death sentence, but rather a challenge and opportunity for us all to

live life with richer meaning.

To his pediatricians, Dr. and Dr. Sublett, and our pharmacists,

Charlie Holcomb and Debbi -- thank you for your compassion,

patience, willingness to listen, countless explanations -- and for

setting ego aside, recognizing medical care takes a partnership

effort. You made the path we walked together easier to bear. To his

orthodontist, Dr. Polk -- thank you for volunteering to save those

coveted after school appointments for , understanding he might

miss enough school due to illness.

To nurses Jan Bartels, Kathy Heil and Ellen Holley -- the pain

you felt equaled 's when you had to administer injections; thank

you for extraordinary tenderness, empathy and humor. And to Ellen

especially, as school nurse, thank you for your dedication and

understanding the vision that continue to work toward

responsibility for his own health.

To his teachers from preschool through high school -- thank you for

not making feel different nor putting him on display. When I

listen to stories of what others with CF must endure, it's not an

understatement when I say has had the best eachers in the world.

There are educational nightmares which have left many emotionally

scarred, but you walked the talk of master instructors -- for this and

for working as a team, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To his second grade teacher, Ann Waughtal and fifth grade teacher,

Zacharias, for instilling a classroom environment of respect

and sense of family among the students. To his art teacher, Joey

, and journalism teachers, Janet Shideler, and Curtis --

who fostered his creative side, allowing it to shine through his own

means of self-expression (despite how bizarre at times!), thank you.

To Fields, a role model of professionalism, which admired

and appreciated, and English teacher, Sally Walkiewicz, for unlocking

the door, allowing to finally see and experience the depth and

beauty of the written language, I will be eternally grateful.

To Mike Lindsey, Simpson, , , Dave

Cunningham and Glen Redding -- his little league coaches in soccer,

basketball and baseball -- your dedication lives on to this day. You

taught true sportsmanship, lessons that carry over into life events:

how to work as a team, how to handle victory and defeat with head held

high. is such a perfectionist but you made the games fun for us

all. Thank you for remembering all boys dream of mighty athletic

endeavors and should be given the opportunity to play-out that desire.

Do you remember how used to love to steal third, sliding

head-first into base? To the coaches who helped disguise his coughing

by picking him up off the plate and dusting him off -- thank you for

such human grace.

To the mom's of his friends, who became my friends too -- Cindy

Lindsey, Simpson and Bonnie Cunningham -- thank you for stashing

enzymes at your homes so could be included in impromptu snacks

and meals. Thank you for opening your hearts to him as one of your own

and for your willingness to listen and to learn. Cindy and --

thank you for taking time out of a busy weekday to drive Jake and Mark

to visit him in Oklahoma City the first time he was ever hospitalized

-- 5th grade, remember? And thank you for the prayers. Bonnie, thank

you for the memories of stitches over the eye, a boxer's fracture and

his entombment in a collapsed sand castle -- despite the scares at the

time, these are what little boys are made of. But also, thank you for

the words, " Show me how to do 's exercises so you can get out of

town once in a while. " Do you know how rarely those words are spoken

to the parent of a child with CF?

Thank you all for remembering to include . Though she and

have a very special sibling relationship -- he's protective of her and

she can always make him laugh -- because of you she always felt like

she had an extended family with many older brothers. Through your

sons, we all have friends for life.

To my former employers, Peg Vitek and Pat thank you for

remembering family comes first. Your friendship, concern and

willingness to work around my family's odd schedule -- including that

5th grade hospitalization -- demonstrated to that if you remain

flexible, there is more than one way to solve a problem. To the best

office mate in the world, Vickie McLaurin -- thank you for picking up

the slack when I couldn't be there. . . and for holding my hand and

making me laugh.

In such small space, this condensed stroll down memory lane leaves

much unsaid. There are few words to describe what I've gained from

being 's mom and from witnessing so many unselfish acts of

everyday heroism. No doubt, each of you also gained something

important just by knowing . Because so many people made an impact

on his life in such a positive way, I feel confident in his decision

to leave home to attend KU in the fall. . . and I know that he will

continue to walk a path to glory.

Warmest wishes to all of you,

Kim Payne