Thanks to all for helping me

[Guest guest]

I just want to let you know that I hibernated in my room for the

past few days and let my despondancy work its way out. I hate

what happened, I am highly disappointed but I can deal with it. It

is just a matter of changing my attitude and expectations from " I

am going to be cured " to " I am going to be able to manage this " .

I realize that I put too much energy and hope into thinking that

this doctor was going to " cure " me - it seemed like that was what

he was selling to me: " you are blocked, it is causing the pain;

once the blockage is removed why shouldn't the pain be gone? "

I am not convinced that he is necessarily a " bad " or harmful

doctor. I think that his communications skills and the behavior he

expects from his patients is outlandish and inappropriate but I

think that he genuinely did the best that could be done as far as

the technolgy part of it. I am wondering now if what he meant to

say was " I think you no longer have a pancreas problem "

meaning that I was cured by the ERCP / stents - so the pain that I

still have is not pancreatic in origin; instead of what I heard as " I

no longer think you have a pancreas problem " meaning that the

pain I had and have was never due to the pancreas. So maybe

that explains what I perceive as a complete reversal of

diagnosis. I wrote a letter to him explaining my unhappiness

with his lack of communication so if I did misunderstood this

basic premise I would expect him to clear that up with some kind

of response. If I hear nothing back, I can assume that my first

interpretation of everything that happened was correct. In either

case, I am not going to see him again....our trust in each other is

breeched beyond reconciliation. He will always doubt my

sincerity and I his ability.

As far as forcing him to do the ERCPs - No I didn't go in and ask

him to diagnose me with PD but the impression that he gave me

was that because I work in health care and have a rudimentary

understanding of diseases, that I faked the symptoms

convincingly enough to steer him into performing the ERCP and

putting the stents in. The classic munchausen scenario - that

somehow I psychologically benefited from having this treatment

and diagnosis.........If he sensed any enthusiasm on my part from

having a diagnosis and treatment option it was due to my sense

of relief and excitedness of finally having something to work with

- a concrete plan of action instead of the vague - " you shouldn't

be in this much pain because there really isn't anything wrong

with you that we can find " type of thing.

So my immediate plan is to just let things heal from this last

ERCP - taking lots of anti-inflammatories to deal with the

swelling and am trying to taper off of the oxycodone. My goal is to

go to PRN narcotics for when I want to eat " real " food (as

opposed to boost, eggs, cottage cheese, plain pasta) or sleep

through the night. I have been able to slightly reduce my

consumption of oxycodone (from 30 mg / day to 20 in the last

three days). I guess I am going to wait for finding another GI until

it becomes an emergency again - I have found that in some

cases this is the best way: they have no option but to treat you

and the condition usually is so obvious that they can't miss what

is wrong with you (this is how I was finally treated for my ruptured

ovary and subsequent abdominal abscesses).

Thanks again for all of your advice and support. I am not sure if I

belong here any longer but feel that it is important to let you know

that I appreciate everything that all of you do for each of us.

Laurie