Kids willsay the Darndest Things

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>

> > Kids will say the Darndest Things

> >

> > I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when

a

> > woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark

> > naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout

> > from the back seat, " Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! "

> > *************************

> > My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd

> > dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it

in

> > the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my

> > bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a

> > charming little smile, " We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it

> > fell in the toilet a few days ago. "

> > *************************

> > On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note

from

> > his mother. The note read, " The opinions expressed by this child are not

> > necessarily those of his parents. "

> > *************************

> > A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.

During

> > her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to

> > answer the phone. " It's the minister, Mommy, " the child said to her

> > mother. Then she added, " Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you

> > right now. She's hitting the bottle. "

> > *************************

> > I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing,

> > my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact,

that

> > one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner

> > table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, " Boy, it sure would

> > be nice if pizzas lived in the woods. "

> > *************************

> > When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs

> > for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady

> > selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a

> > bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the

> > apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. " See, Mom. She doesn't like

the

> > skin either. "

> > *************************

> > A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's

locker

> > room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies

> > grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in

> > amazement and then asked, " What's the matter-haven't you ever seen a

> > little boy before? "

> > *************************

> > A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His

> > mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the

> > words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was

> > blank. Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, " I am the

light

> > of the world. " The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear

> > voice said, " My mother is the light of the world. "

> > *************************

> > A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old

> > Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were

> > many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across ny who had

> > drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat was a scantily-clad

man

> > and woman. " It's a lovely picture, " said the teacher, " but which story

> > does it tell? " ny seemed surprised at the question.

> > " Well, " he exclaimed, " doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam

> > and Eve out of the Garden of Eden? "

> >

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