Fw: Laughter is the best medicine

[Guest guest]

>

> > >> >A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a

> > >> >cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive.

> > >> > " Dead. " She was informed.

> > >> > " How do you know? " she asked her pupil.

> > >> > " Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move, "

> > >> >answered the child innocently.

> > >> > " You did WHAT?!? " the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

> > >> > " You know, " explained the boy, " I leaned over and went

> > >> >'Pssst!' and it didn't move. "

>

> >

>************************************************************************

> > >> >A little boy was doing his math homework. He

> > >> >said to himself, " Two plus five, that son of a bitch

> > >> >is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine. "

> > >> >His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, " What

> > >> >are you doing? "

> > >> >The little boy answered, " I'm doing my math homework,

> > >> >Mom. "

> > >> > " And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? "

> > >> >the mother asked.

> > >> > " Yes, " he answered.

> > >> >Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,

> > >> > " What are you teaching my son in math? "

> > >> >The teacher replied, " Right now, we are learning

> > >> >addition. "

> > >> >The mother asked, " And are you teaching them to say

> > >> >

> >

> >ðtwo plus two, that son of a bitch is four? "

> > >> >After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

> > >> > " What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM

> > >> >OF WHICH, is four. "

> > >> >

> > >> >

> >

>************************************************************************

> > >> >It was the end of the day when I parked my police van

> > >> >in front of the station.ð As I gathered my equipment, my

> > >> >K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy

> > >> >staring in at me.

> > >> > " Is that a dog you got back there? " he asked.

> > >> > " It sure is, " I replied.

> > >> >Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the

> > >> >back of the van.ð Finally he said, " What'd he do? "

> > >> >

> > >> >

> >

>************************************************************************

> > >> >ðWhy We Love Children

> > >> >

> > >> >A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes

> > >> >later....

> > >> > " Da-ad.... "

> > >> > " What? "

> > >> > " I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water? "

> > >> > " No. You had your chance. Lights out. "

> > >> >Five minutes later: " Da-aaaad..... "

> > >> > " WHAT? "

> > >> > " I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?? "

> > >> > " I told you NO! " If you ask again, I'll have to spank

> > >> >you!! "

> > >> >Five minutes later...... " Daaaa-aaaad..... "

> > >> > " WHAT! "

> > >> > " When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink

> > >> >of water? "

> > >> >

> > >> >

> >

>************************************************************************

> > >> >An exasperated mother, whose son was always

> > >> >getting into mischief, finally asked him, " How do

> > >> >you expect to get into Heaven? "

> > >> >The boy thought it over and said, " Well, I'll run in

> > >> >and out and in and out and keep slamming the door

> > >> >until St. says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come

> > >> >in or stay out!' "

> > >> > > > >

> > >> >

> >

>************************************************************************

> > >> > > > >

> > >> >One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a

> > >> >mother was tucking her son into bed.ð She was about

> > >> >to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his

> > >> >voice, " Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? "

> > >> >The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. " I

> > >> >can't dear, " she said " I have to sleep in Daddy's room. "

> > >> >A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little

> > >> >voice: " The big sissy. "

> > >> > > > >

> > >> >

> >

>************************************************************************

> > >> > > > >

> > >> >When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my

> > >> >three year old came into the room when I was just getting

> > >> >ready to get into the shower.ð She said, " Mommy, you are

> > >> >getting fat! "

> > >> >I replied, " Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby

> > >> >growing in her tummy. "

> > >> > " I know, " she replied, but what's growing in your butt? "

>

>

>

>