Coping with Spousal attitudes

[Guest guest]

We must have married the same guy...actually, I think my husband is

worse. I can understand exactly how you are feeling and then some.

My husband was fine with it all at first..concerned, worried etc,

but as the years have gone on, it has turned to anger, bad temper,

cynical remarks (mainly to the medical staff)and his crying and

suffering and how this is ruining his life.

I understand that it is affecting him, but I can only say so much to

him before he shuts off listening to me, and he won't consider

seeing a counsellor either by himself or with me. If it get's too

bad and stresses me too much, I get my mother and/or his sister to

have a word in his ear, and that usually sets him straight for a few

months, then he starts all over again.

I have been virtually pain free for the past 5 months now..which is

an excellent thing, then I had bad pain Sunday night.. it felt like

pancreatitis pain, but was low down in my right abdomen, almost on

my hip area, so thought it might be kidney stones, or something to

do with my surgery. The doctor admitted me to hospital for tests

that night. Well, even though everything's been fine for such a long

time, hubby didn't see it that way, and he got into his usual

state..angry, wouldn't talk to me..made snide comments under his

breath, and said I should know what it is as I have dealth with pain

for years now..grrrrrrrrrrrrr..I don't know how I cope with him

sometimes, but I just do.

Fortunately, a friend rang at home to speak to me, and apparently he

was going into his diatribe about the lack of knowledge he feels

doctors have and she told him off...just having someone else talk to

him seems to do wonders (especially for me). It only lasts for a few

months, but that is one less stress I have to cope with for a time.

As for medication, he hates me having to take pain meds when I do

take them, and condemns them..then when I go off them completely, he

thinks that is great, but then complains about the meds I still

take. This would go on and on until I don't take anything...When we

argue about this, I can tell at times that he knows he is in the

wrong, but he rarely ever will admit he is wrong, and only once has

he ever said sorry for how he has reacted.

I will put up with this because I know my illness has taken it's

toll on him and he's always been a pessimist since I have known

him..but at the same time, I remind him that I was sick when we met,

and he knew this, but he still wanted to marry me because he loved

me and wanted to be there for me.

Now I just have to remind him that if I didn't have pancreatitis and

stupid rare tumours (which have gone at the moment) I would be very

health indeed, and my body is still entitled to get sick with other

illnesses like every other human being does. The problem is that

because of the pancreatitis, it consumes so much of our lives that

it just seems that when I become ill with something else, it makes

me look like a lost cause..if you know what I mean *L*