Jeannine

[Guest guest]

Jeannine,

believe it or not, my friend is much better. At one point, I totally lost it

and told my husband I could not deal with her any more. I had just been at the

ER and she called on my cell phone to check on me. She starts telling me that I

need to just increase my prednisone back to where it was because I was better

when I was on a higher dose. Only a couple of weeks prior to that, she told me

that I just needed to quit taking all my medicines because that's what was

making me sick - I was on too many medications. I had already explained to her

that with autoimmune hepatitis, the ten year survival rate without treatment is

only 10%. Not taking my meds is not an option. I'd also explained that

prednisone, while life saving, has many very dangerous side effects. It's not a

medicine you mess around with or modify the dose on your own. It's not just

taking an extra tylenol or ibuprofen. I have to do what my doctors tell me in

regard to my medications. It took a long time (almost a year) to find the right

doctors, but I now have doctors that I do trust and I have to believe that they

have more knowledge than me. I do ask questions and they patiently answer every

one and explain why we need to do things the way they say.

My husband finally called and told her that I cannot just change my medication

dose on my own and that she was making me feel like I just didn't want to be

well. She did finally quit (for the most part) trying to tell me that I should

just change my medication dose on my own.

Anyway, my friend is quite intelligent with two bachelor's degrees. Yes, she

does have some medical issues. She has fibromyalgia and maybe rheumatoid

arthritis. Her blood test was positive for RA but the rheumatologist she saw

said she didn't have it. Her opinion is that she doesn't want to know if she

does have RA (never mind that my daughter has it and I know that taking medicine

can greatly slow or even stop the joint damage caused by RA). She has anxiety

and panic attacks so she is afraid of almost any medication because she's afraid

they'll cause a panic attack. Her daughter has epilepsy but thank goodness it

was the type where she only had seizures in her sleep and it almost never

continues past childhood. By age 15, any signs of epilepsy were gone from her

EEG and whatever other tests they do for it. He son has asthma. It was so

severe that he spent many nights in the pediatric ICU and almost died on 2 or 3

occasions. He no longer has any problems with asthma but it was very serious

when he was younger. So, yes, she knows about health problems. Also, she

admits that she cannot tolerate discomfort and has gone to the ER on more than

one occasion with nothing more than a bad cold. She couldn't breathe out of her

nose and was afraid it was going to bring on a panic attack. She's only been

admitted to the hospital when each of her three children were born. She has

sleep problems and cannot sleep anywhere other than home so she is positively

miserable in the hospital. Me, I can sleep anywhere. When I am in the

hospital, I don't have to worry about trying to make myself drink to stay

hydrated when I know it's not likely to stay down. They can let my pancreas

have the rest it needs and keep me as comfortable as possible. While I don't

like being in the hospital, it doesn't wig me out they way it does my friend. I

think that she probably doesn't realize how abrasive her comments are. I think

there's a part of her that worries about me but another part that is very

annoyed because I cannot come out and play with her every time she wants me to

like I used to be able to do. She's one of these people who constantly worries

about dying. She thinks she has cancer every time you turn around. A friend of

one of our friends just had a massive brain stem stroke on Thanksgiving day.

She's still in ICU in a coma and it doesn't look good. She's only 43 and wasn't

really overweight, never drank alcohol, was on the go constantly. When my

friend found out, the first thing she asked the friend who told us about it was

'did she drink or smoke cigarettes? what do they think caused it?' She said

she wanted to know what had caused the stroke so she wouldn't have to worry that

it would happen to her. Later that evening when I was talking about how

horrible this must be for this lady's kids (19, 20, and 23), my friend just said

she didn't like to think about it because it made her think that she might have

a stroke or something else and die. So, instead of feeling compassion for this

poor woman and her family, my friend is only concerned that the same thing might

happen to her. For me, the worst thought of possibly dying is the pain it would

cause those who love me. For my friend, the worst thought of dying is simply

herself - not that her three children (7, 18, and 20) would not have a mother or

that her husband would be losing his wife. So, the reason I'm telling you all

of this is so you can see that she is a very self-absorbed person. My health

problems have been an inconvenience in her life because I'm not available to

play all the time. This is who she is and how she is - it would really be

pointless to try and explain things to her. So, I just accept that she is a

fairly superficial aquaintance rather than a true friend. However, my husband

does enjoy the company of her husband and I even enjoy her company at times.

So, I made the decision to accept her as she is. I no longer about hurting her

feelings by not accepting her invitations. If I want to do something with her,

I do. If I don't, I simply say no and no longer feel the need to explain

myself.

I may be taking the wimpy way out, but accepting her as she is keeps me from

getting quite as upset when she says stupid things!

I can vent to you guys, my sis, my mom, and even my daughter when she says

something stupid. that gets it out of my system and then I can move on until

the next stupid thing!

W