lousy day...

[Guest guest]

Hello all, welcome to the new people on list.

Today was Levi's first day of Kindergarten. He was happy to go, and

thrilled that he gets to ride a school bus this year. We just had a

good visit at clinic recently, so he was all set for the new year.

He waved and smiled as he rode away on the bus...

Early afternoon I got a call from the cf clinic. It seems that his

sputum culture results are in and he cultured pseudo a. for the first

time ever. He'll be starting cipro and tobi (first time for both of

these antibiotics for him) and the tobi will take about 30 mins to

aerosolize twice daily. Since he gets on the bus at 7:07 a.m., and

does 30 minutes of the Vest before that, we now will begin morning

treatments no later than 6:00 a.m., and that's if he isn't eating

breakfast afterwards.

So, I try to take all this in stride, after all, he was bound to

culture it eventually, the doctor is going to treat it agressively,

and at least he won't have to have his first hospital stay yet.

When he gets home from his first day (at 4:00 p.m. - mine are the

third group of kids on the bus in the morning, third from the last

off in the afternoon), I ask how his day went. Well, school was

dandy, but (my other two children reported) that there were

some " problems " on the bus that the bus driver will be calling me

about. Evidently, one hour of confinement each way to and from

school is a little much for a VERY active five year old to sit for

without interacting (aggressively) with other children.

To top it off, Levi develops a 100 degree F fever and terrible

headache this evening that Children's Motrin didn't seem to put a

dent in. He SCREAMED and cried for about two hours before going to

sleep by 8:00. His fever is gone now and he's sleeping, so maybe

tomorrow will be a good day. :\

And here I sit on the computer at midnight wondering if sending him

to school was just plain stupid. I have homeschooled my children in

the past, but was hoping to go back to work this year with all three

in school. I've been sending resumes out this week. Levi is

soooooooo energetic that I thought it might be a challenge for the

Kindergarten teacher, but I didn't think he'd be facing expulsion

from the bus by the second day of school. That, combined with the cf

issues and his severe peanut allergy make juggling his needs a little

sticky, but I thought it could work out. Maybe it was just wishful

thinking since I want to get back into the workforce again.

Maybe I am just consumed with self-doubt because it's late and it's

been a rough day. Hopefully, tomorrow I will see that this is just a

little bump in the road on our journey. Today I just kept having the

same thought pop into my head - " I just don't want to do this

anymore. " Denial in it's grandest form. (Like I have a choice,

right??? It's not as if I can just say, " alright then, tomorrow we

will all wake up healthy and happy with no worries... " )

I always knew that when the day came that he cultured pseudo, I would

tough it out and just take it as part of the cards we're dealt. Now

I'm mad at myself for being such a whiner over it.

It could be so much worse and I'm thankful it isn't.

I hope everyone out there on the list is doing well. Thanks for

listening.

~

mommy to 3, 1 with cf