Poncho

January 24, 2004

Thanks for the input. I have noticed that on the days that I am

huslting up and down the halls at work that my pain seem to

be " enhanced " . I love that word, " enhanced " . On the MRCP I had it

said that and area of my panc had " decreased enhancement " . For some

reason that really tickled me. I told the doc the term reminded me

of some of the guys I have dated. Not the brightest of

conversationalist they suffered from " decreased enhancement " .

Tickles me.

You are right though I need to listen to my body and learn more

about what triggers me here and there. A skill I fear I am very far

from obtaining. The fear of eating, with the physiological response

I encountered, truly alarmed me. I have been cautios of of eating

for sometime, but to be physically unable to swallow is a new

reaction. I made myself eat yesterday, nothing bad; but was in pain

all day. today we are roasting oysters outside on an open fire. I

love that. I also have hotdogs to put on a stick to roast over the

flames; a lot of fun. I dont think I will even try one but I know I

can have some marshmellows. So we'll see how it goes.

I have always been bold as brass. Grabbed the gusto, made goals and

with hell bendt determination I achieved those goals. Now I am

afraid to eat a piece of chicken or carry a laundry basket to the

line. This disease has changed the basic " self " of who I am and i

dont know if I will ever be able to redefine my " self " .

Thanks again Poncho, I always look forward to hearing from you.

Warmly,

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