Fliss, Deanna and Heidi

[Guest guest]

I appreciate ya'll kind words and concern. I'll be ok, I just need

to determine what it is that I " need " . I have never had such

difficulty in deciding such. Yes, Fliss my surgeon is a panc

specialist, apparently one of the best in the country. I have cared

for very many of his pts and it never ceases to amaze me the

distances that people have traveled to get to MUSC. I have lost

faith in he and I. Not him, but us. When I paged him the other

day, I was driving in my car to campus for day long classes. I was

practically in tears because of the pain, and I hate to cry after I

have put on my makeup. I left a message saying " I dont know how

much longer I can keep this up " . I still dont know.

I have looked into Duke, but was not impressed. That was last

summer. Not that there is anything wrong with it, just spoiled by

MUSC. I drive a very long way to work, could work a lot closer to

home, but I believe in what I see there. I have to believe in what

I'm doing, that its right, or I might as well just sell real

estate. I have read a lot about s Hopkins and have considered

writing to them. However, i believe in my heart that there is

nothing that can be done. I dont like the drugs, I dont like the

effect they have on me from the blurry mindedness to the

constipattion. I cant stand it.

I prefer to use natural things. I may look into organic pancreatic

enzymes. I wonder if anybody here has had any experiences with

those. I have seen them in the health food stores. I have money so

travel is not out of the question, but I would prefer to use that

money for something really important, kids college, I need a new

car, yes need. I also know my heart very well and believe that the

time will come when I choose to be free. I used to believe that

sucicide was a sin, but if I can euthenize my poor old dog with hip

dysplasia (which I am not ready to do) then why cant I have the same

dignity. I am not depressed or pessimistic just trying to be

realistic. The burden will only become greater for my family; I

cant let that happen.

I am very envious of your decision to retire. Personnaly, I say go

for it! I love that term " enhanced " . So gentle and flattering.

Hardly seems to fit in the context of retirement. Like I said,

think in terms of never hearing of Pancreatitis. Make the decision

based on finances and freedom. Everything else will just fall into

place.

Chrissy