Guest guest Posted January 4, 2002 Report Share Posted January 4, 2002 > > > > (1) " Instead of getting married again, I'm going to > > find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. " > > > > * Seagal > > > > (2) " The problem with the designated driver program, > > it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked > > into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the > > night, drop them off at the wrong house. " > > > > * Jeff Foxworthy > > > > (3) " See, the problem is that God gives men a brain > > and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a > > time. " > > > > * Robin > > > > (4) " If a woman has to choose between catching a fly > > ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save > > the infant's life without even considering if there is > > a man on base. " > > > > * Dave Barry > > > > > > (5) " Relationships are hard. It's like a full time > > job, and we should treat it like one. If your > > boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they > > should give you two weeks' notice. There should be > > severance pay, and before they leave you, they should > > have to find you a temp. " > > > > * Bob Ettinger > > > > > > (6) " A study in the Washington Post says that women > > have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say > > to the authors of that study: Uh, duh! " > > > > * Conan O'Brien > > > > (7) " Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm > > halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my > > Goodness. . I could be eating a slow learner. " > > > > * Lynda Montgomery > > > > (8) " The day I worry about cleaning my house is the > > day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. " > > > > * Roseanne > > > > (9) " I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch > > of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the > > crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. > > Let's go west.' " > > > > * Jeni > > > > (10) " If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all > > the impersonators would be dead. " > > > > * ny Carson > > > > (11) " Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching > > us geography. " > > > > * > > > > (12) " My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but > > they turned sixty, and that's the law. " > > > > * Jerry Seinfeld > > > > > > (13) " Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. > > Monogamy is the same. " > > > > * Wilde > > > > (14) " Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not > > ready for an institution yet. " > > > > * Mae West > > > > (15) " Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you > > were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself. " > > > > * Mark Twain > > > > (16) " Our bombs are smarter than the average high > > school student. At least they can find Kuwait. " > > > > * A. Whitney Brown > > > > (17) " Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word > > meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his > > wallet, " > > > > * Robin > > > > > > (18) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension > > and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin > > bottle: " Take two aspirin " and " Keep away from > > children " > > > > * Author Unknown " > > > > (19) " Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? > > There's a support group for that. It's called > > EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. " > > > > * Drew Carey > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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