Life's Funny Little Realities

[Guest guest]

Life's Funny Little RealitiesBlessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking totheir diets.Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges,but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rockingchair that you once got from a roller coaster.Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. Theywould put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy canmake a woman gain five pounds.It's frustrating when you know all the answers and nobody bothersto ask you the questions.If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thingin the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing atthe tempting moment.Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.Life doesn't just begin at forty; it also begins to show then.Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regainconsciousness.If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow oldbecause you stop laughing.I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little morecheese.I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbingtogether and setting my pantyhose on fire.Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, andit shrinks two sizes.It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads toyour hips.Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she isexpecting a baby.Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but shecan usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelledbackwards?Share This Joke With Your Friends (If you don't see a form below, or if it doesn't work, click here to send from our Web site)