The cut off

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Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for

their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become

detached

spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, " It's their life, "

and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for

doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, " When do you

stop worrying? " The nurse said, " When they get out of the accident

stage. "

My

mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and

heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and

was

headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a

teacher said, " Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you

can

sit

back, relax and enjoy them. " My mother just smiled faintly and said

nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to

ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said,

" They're

trying to find themselves. Don't worry in a few years, you can stop

worrying. They'll be adults. " My mother just smiled faintly and said

nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was

still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle--there was

nothing

I could do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their

frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that

when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I

wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's wan smile and

her occasional, " You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute

you

get home. Are you depressed about something? "

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern

for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human

frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a

virtue

that

elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, " Where

were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was

worried. "

I smiled a wan smile. The torch has been passed.

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