Fw: Church Humor

[Guest guest]

Church HumorThere is the story of a person who got up one Sunday and announcedto his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good newsis, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. Thebad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."--------------------------------------------------------------------While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, becauseattached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign..."Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do notstep on exhaust."--------------------------------------------------------------------A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys andgirls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "Heis an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "--------------------------------------------------------------------A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before along holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there weremany cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, theattendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said theyoung man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits untilthe last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled,"know what you mean. It's the same in my business."-------------------------------------------------------------------People want the front of the bus; back of the church and center ofattention.-------------------------------------------------------------------Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying toenforce 10 commandments.--------------------------------------------------------------------"Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds of people inthe world - there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Goodmorning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning andsay, "Good Lord, it's morning."--------------------------------------------------------------------A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city becausehe was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So heput a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police Officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."--------------------------------------------------------------------A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I knowwhat the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do youmean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!""Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible mean?B - BASIC I - INSTRUCTIONS B - BEFORE L - LEAVING E - EARTH--------------------------------------------------------------------One Sunday after church Mom asked very young daughter what the lessonwas about. Daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts".Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day, Pastor stoppedby for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lessonwas about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming". Now itmade sense.--------------------------------------------------------------------There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to herbrother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakablein here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments,"answered the lady.