Fw: And you wonder why I have trouble talking.

[Guest guest]

Excellent questions, in fact, I have asked many of them myself! It is a weird language, isn't it? Enjoy! Love, Judy FW: And you wonder why I have trouble talking.> This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the> brave.> It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse atyour> leisure, English lovers.> Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to> present the present.> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.> 10) I did not object to the object.> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.> 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?> Let's face it - English is a crazy language.> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple norpine> in> pineapple.> English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.> Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, aremeat.> We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find> that> quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is> neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't> groce> and hammers don't ham?> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?> One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amendsbut> not one amend.> If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one ofthem,> what do you call it?> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarianeats> vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?> Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an> asylum> for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a playand> play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have nosesthat> run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance bethe> same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which yourhouse> can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by fillingit> out> and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.> English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the> creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.> That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when thelights> are out, they are invisible.> PS. - Why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?>>>>>