Maggi from Blair

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/20/00 3:05:44 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com writes:

<< Dee -- Thanks for your thoughts. I, for one, wonder if I really know what

I

am getting myself into if I decide to go ahead with the surgery. This is a

life altering experience and there seems to be no going back once you've had

the surgery. I'm wondering if I can deal with all the emotional and

psychological changes of losing the weight and being thin for the first time

in my life. For me the acutal surgery, in some ways, is the least of the

issues that I have deal with in making this decision.

How have other post-ops dealt with this.

Dear Maggi:

Those are great questions you posted there.

I asked myself the same things as I was preparing my patient packet, and

again in the weeks before surgery. And I'm still asking myself as a post-op

- but I'm only a week and a half out.

It pays to read and read and read these lists, and hear what the postops are

saying, first of all. I also kept asking, well beyond the required 10

patient contacts. Any time I had concerns or doubts, I asked. Most times, I

got answers that I felt in my gut were good ones for me.

But as much as you read, no one on this list can fully prepare you for your

own reactions to the surgery, and how it will feel as your head and your body

adjust to the changes. I am really walking into new territory every day, and

I sometimes find it scary.

For example, I'm scared to weigh myself. I've been such a slave to the scale

most of my life, that I'm afraid that I'll become fixated again on the

numbers. I'll probably get past that soon, because clothes are already

looser, and I'm feeling thinner, but I am just plain scared. What if I'm not

losing as fast as one of my littermates?? What if I hit a plateau and can't

lose? What if I'm one of those folks who doesn't lose much at all?

I wonder how I'll handle being a normal size, and the answer is, of course,

unknown. As a heavy person, I've been so used to projecting into the future

- predetermining my reactions, supposing that people rejected me because of

my size, and deciding that I couldn't participate in certain activities

because I was too heavy - that I don't have a good concept of what it means

to live from day to day, taking people as I meet them, and letting them do

the same.

I've become a controlling person, needing to do everything in my power to

ensure that people like me, going to absurd lengths to win a friend, because

I'm so sure they wouldn't otherwise.

What will it be like when I simply stand as myself, not trying to control

someone else's judgement? Not projecting into the future?

I am aware that I am not alone in this process. I have a nine-year-old

daughter whose body is rapidly developing, who may or may not outgrow her

chubbiness, and I have to be careful that I don't let this weight loss

process dominate our family's life and send her the wrong message about her

own body. I've already sacrificed precious family time to my diet efforts

and my frustration over my failures at them.

I believe that I purchased some physical and emotional freedom from food

obsession and diets when I had this surgery. Dr. R. gave me a tool, and it's

up to me to use it responsibly.

I'll climb down from the soapbox down now. Thanks for the opportunity to

unload the contents of my brain.

Good luck!

Blair