Fw: Pun intended

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But these are so bad they are funny, Love, Judy Fwd: Pun intended

1. Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at them and says, " I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one

carrion

allowed per passenger. "

2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and

became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and

never

amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser

of

two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire

in

the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak

and

heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up

to

the bar and announces: " I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. "

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root

canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing

in the

lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,

the

manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

" But why? " they asked, as they moved off.

" Because, " he said, " I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open

foyer. "

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to

a

family in Egypt and is named " Ahmal. " The other goes to a family in

Spain;

they name him " . " Years later, sends a picture of himself to

his

birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she

wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, " They're

twins!

If you've seen , you've seen Ahmal. "

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up

a

small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers

from

the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was

unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the

rival

florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in

town to

" persuade " them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their

store,

saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can

prevent

florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which

produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very

little,

which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad

breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good)

A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to

friends,

with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.