Reflections on life 17 months postop

July 5, 2003

I had a wonderful July 4th afternoon spent with my friend who I met

after both of us had gastric bypass surgery. We lounged in her pool

in our bathing suits visiting among us and her great family, sipping

ice tea, without a care in the world. At 100 lbs thinner than 17

months ago, I look decent in shorts or a bathing suit. I am no

longer terribly embarassed by my looks. I no longer feel the stares

and looks of disgust from strangers about my weight.

Yes, I'd like to lose another 25 lbs. to be at goal weight and

I'd sure like to lose the 5-7 lbs that I've gained recently. The

point is, that I look fairly normal and I didn't spend my day with

my friend thinking about FOOD, and how I could escape from her so

that I could go binge!

I've come to realize that this surgery really, really is just a

tool, not a fix-it all. I have to work hard on maintaining good

eating/exercise habits. The surgery, though, has given me a chance

to succeed where before I failed time after time, and it felt

pointless to even make attempts to diet. Now, I make more positive

choices in my life than negative ones. My self esteem has

improved. I like the woman looking back at me in the mirror most of

the time, even with all of her imperfections.

I'm not quite where I had hoped to be emotionally at this 17

month postop point. I had fantasized that I would have tons of

friends and had met " the man of my dreams " by now and that hasn't

happened. The fact is, that I am very insecure when it comes to

meeting single men my age. I feel like a young school girl, awkward

and insecure. I've dated a little bit over the past 6 months but

mostly have been unwilling to risk regection. It has been so long

since I've had a serious relationship that I'm not really sure just

how to flirt, I'm embarrassed to admit.

Morbid obesity was my way of keeping a thick layer of fat

between me and the world of men who might regect me. I just plain

shut down the sexual woman inside of me as an obese woman for many

years. I see bits of her struggling to surface. Little by little,

I am becoming willing to deal with the issues in my life that I

previously abused food over in order to numb my feelings. I've

healed a lot over these past 17 months since surgery, yet I have a

lot more work on my emotional recovery from morbid obesity to do.

MY LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAT I AM NO LONGER MORBIDLY OBESE. I

AM SO GRATEFUL! Hugs, Suzanne

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