Going nuts....

[Guest guest]

Hello I am

I am 29 and I am 5'2 and weight 268/270 as most of you I battle

with

being over weight everyday of my life. I haven't written in a

very

long time because of life and just reading and learning. I am so

frustrated with my self. I had been on the Akins diet for 4 month

about and I have lost about 20 pounds or so and my willpower was

strong and I was refusing to go off my eating style because I have

eaten enough crap for three people's entire life spans. Until

last

weekend when I just had one bite of yummy carbs I believe it was…

I

can't even remember but now… I am crazy eating everything I

can. I

am really cracked it is like the carb monster hit me and I have to

have a hit of carbohydrates. I have never noticed my addiction so

bad in my life. Maybe now I am so aware of my additions and really

know how they can control my life. It is so exhausting to live like

this. It is tough to fight off the desire to eat. I like chips and

fries and the smell can make me not stop thinking about consuming

them. Salty/fried carbs are more of a weakness than sweet stuff

because sweet stuff I could get totally sugar free with no carbs. I

want a ruin Y gastro by-pass surgery but I know from being a part of

a strong support system for my best friend and going to as many

meetings as I could with her that I need to try overcome or control

that mental hunger that a lot of us suffer with before I go for it.

I also have no insurance because of my job; it is more money a week

then some of my bills to live. I guess I am wishing for a miracle

for me to be cured of all this war in my head. My body is suffering

from me being this way physically as mentally. It is hard being 29

and hating the thought of standing because my feet hurt so bad

because of torn ligaments and bone bruising from falls. Now I guess

I am just bitching so Thank-you so much everyone for just listening

to me caring on about me and my crab that I know everyone here just

about deals with too on a daily bases. I just needed to vent hoping

for relief of my mentally thoughts of hopelessness.